note!: this takes place around 1995, when yongguk is three years old and haneul is twenty-one.
during his childhood, yongguk was always that one kid who seemed perfectly content with everything going on in his life. he didn't care much about the complicated things- everything he thought about was simple. sweets. animated movies. trips to the playground. the grand total of four video games he owned. he never saw anything wrong with his life. despite how he had little to no toys (most of which were hand-me-downs) and had a small home, he was happy.
his mother was happy when she was with him and that made yongguk feel assured that everything in his life was going okay. she could be in the worst of moods, but the second she came home to see yongguk playing with her own mother- her mood switched. there was no doubt that she was stressed out and tired, but somehow yongguk managed to make all of that stress go away.
he was her sunshine. her hope. he was what kept her going.
bang haneul was a woman of determination. she knew in her heart that someday she'd be able to support herself, her mother and yongguk without having to work plenty of part time jobs and barely ever get sleep. for now, however, she was stuck to working towards that. on top of all the jobs she had worked at over the years, haneul had to kiss the booboos, cook the dinner, read the children's stories, wipe the counters, wash the dishes, sew the old worn out stuffed animals, and not forget to call him to come back. the man who left her by herself. the man who left her in this situation. she hated him- despised him in fact. whispering sweet lies in her ears at night, saying things like 'i love you' and 'i'll always be here for you, haneul' and suddenly leaving her the day he found out he would be a father.
without even saying anything, he packed his suitcase and walked out that apartment door and out of her life.
and no matter how much she hated him for that, she wanted him back. yongguk never really questioned the fact he didn't have a male role model in his life until one day when they were in the car after picking yongguk up from his daycare center. earlier that day as he ate his packed kimbap for lunch, he had heard kids around him talking about their dads and all how cool their dads were.
"mom, where's dad?" the small kid sitting in the booster seat in the back of their car asked, as he played with the transformers figure in his hand.
his words caught haneul off guard. she never knew how she was going to explain this to him. she knew it was going to happen someday, but she wasn't expecting it to be today. the mother adjusted the mirror so that she could look at him. "daddy's just been busy, honey."
"with what?" yongguk was quiet, but he was filled with many curiosities in his head. he was the type of kid who could just ask questions for hours and keep thinking of more and more to come up with. and as much as haneul liked how much the boy wanted to know about the world, it wasn't easy for her to give him the answers.
she tried to think of an answer that seemed believable and it took her a while to think of one. "work."
"oh," yongguk responded, pretty understanding of the situation. his fingers continued to fiddle with the toy in his hand as he hummed to the tune of the three bears song that some of the caretakers were singing during playtime. his humming came up to a stop and he looked from his toy. meeting eye contact with the set of brown orbs in the mirror, yongguk tilted his head. "is dad a spy?" the young woman laughed, amused by the endless imagination that the boy held. "yes, yes, he is," she decided to go along with it. he would understand in the future, wouldn't he? when the time came where he would actually understand what really happened, she would tell him. he wasn't capable of understanding this situation yet.
"when will i ever see him?"
her smile slowly faded and a quiet sigh escaped from her mouth.
