#;colloquy

in bitna’s case, it was to press aforementioned first kiss against the wall and violently make out with her.  sure, they had not seen each other in more than a decade, but did it matter that much when the lingering sexual tension had been there the moment they laid their eyes on each other as twenty year olds?

bitna definitely had not expected for her childhood friend, honey, to grow up into such a gorgeous girl with legs that went on for days and a waistline to die for. she was adorable as a child, and bitna may had somehow developed feelings for her then that disappeared almost as fast as it arrived. since they were merely wee kids, kisses were meant to be close to nothing, merely signs of affection, to silently tell someone you liked them, you loved them – considering that was how it went in western media. her parents kissed each other; her parents kissed her and her older sister.

people kissed all the time.

as bitna grew older, though, the realization had struck her that randomly giving kisses away was frowned upon by most people, especially conservatives. not to mention if the people she gave random kisses to were girls, much like she was. thus, kisses that involved passion that burnt and an intoxication that made their head spin were kept for private – and that was exactly what bitna did.

after setting her eyes upon haena, the girl of her childhood dreams, and now present-day thoughts, bitna made sure that a second kiss followed regardless of the fact that it happened about fourteen years too late. when haena invited bitna over to her dorm, with the follow-up statement of her roommate not coming back until the evening, bitna took this as the perfect opportunity.

she had always joked that she was the master seductress, but who knew her teasing deemed true enough for haena to kiss her back (years too late). her lips were soft against bitna’s, the taste of chapstick reaching her tongue. bitna’s hands found their way around haena’s waist, the latter’s arms around bitna’s shoulders.

while the kiss had started out gentle, something began to ignite, the familiar feeling of heat spreading from inside of them, reaching their hearts. bitna pulled away to trail her lips along haena’s jawline, the other girl’s fingers tangling themselves in bitna’s auburn hair, tugging lightly.

“i expected a second kiss,” bitna admitted, more as a joke, and haena felt bitna’s lips curve up into a smile against the skin on her jaw, and haena could not help but let out a soft, raspy laugh.

although the kiss came years too late, bitna could not lie – she had wanted to kiss haena again after it happened the first time. back then, it was driven by pure and innocent childhood longing – for a first crush, a first love. despite having pushed the thought of the osculation at the very back of her head as she grew out of that love, the feelings bitna had kept until that very moment had burst at the seams, and she was brought back to that day – wondering why haena had stopped responding to her advances of naivety.

but now that haena had stumbled into her life again, bitna was not about to let her go.

so when she was proven wrong one fateful day at university, amidst the crowd of students during a bad day, bitna realized that kismet must have been real, else she would think of maegan as the one that got away.

it was a summer fling.

it was not meant to last more than a few months – unless it could have, to which bitna would never know considering she was sent away a little while after just meeting the most amazing girl with her toes in the sand, and dark hair blowing in the wind. she looked too beautiful, bitna could not help but walk over and introduce herself. for a moment, bitna felt the loneliness wash away with the the waves, sinking at the bottom of the ocean –

like her heart did when she woke up one day, isolated in a white prison, while maegan wondered where her newfound friend (possibly more) could have gone. they shared a kiss, and that was it, yet bitna could still feel the tingle every time maegan appeared in her dreams, wandered into her thoughts in the middle of the day.

but now maegan was right in front of her, and she needn’t look to the past for fond memories. maegan was a concrete being, and not a figment of her imagination the one summer her mind had gone berserk.

maegan was real.

and bitna was going to take advantage of that.

when they found themselves alone when bitna invited maegan over to her dorm, it did not take bitna long to commence any opportunity, valid or not as it may be, to be able to make sure maegan was as substantial as bitna hoped she was.

maegan was nothing but a whole bundle of perplexity when she found her back pressed against the wall, wrists trapped against the wall on either side of her head, bitna’s hands gripping them tightly. her eyes were wide, but their gazes were unfaltering. bitna could see the reluctance in the other girl’s eyes, tinged with a need that had been unsatisfied that summer.

bitna leaned closer, inhaling the scent she had longed for, and was taken back to the salty air of the beach, and the smell of maegan’s shampoo when they embraced. maegan was tense beneath her, their bodies pressed so close, bitna could feel the warmth that emanated from the other girl. she had the choice to take her then and there. after all, maegan also had the choice to push her away that very moment, yell at her, tell her no – all of which the latter did not do.

however, bitna decided that the wary expression on maegan’s face, mixed with blatant longing, was much too amusing to her. she pursed her lips, stifling a laugh from escaping her lips. as bitna leaned leaned closer, her hold onto maegan’s wrists had begun to loosen until – finally –

bitna gave the girl a quick peck on the lips.

and pulled away.

the look on maegan’s face was too much for bitna to suppress her laughter, and she burst out laughing right in front of the other girl – who was left stunned, and even more confused.

it was just a few drinks.

and a few more.

no, bitna was not drunk – 

but she sure as hell was tipsy.

she stumbled slightly in her chunky, red velvet mary janes as she walked back to their seat with their drinks. jumie sat waiting. bitna gingerly placed the glasses of tequila sunrise on the table, but she did not sit down. she crossed her legs instead as she stood, leaning against jumie’s chair. the thing was, bitna passed out completely when she was drunk; on the other hand, she was overconfident and much more obnoxious when tipsy.

“this is our sixth cocktail, juju,” she said, oddly keeping count. “let’s go dance. no one’s going to take them. it’s a gay-ass drink,” said the gay girl. how ironic. somewhat like a paradox. a really incoherent paradox.

bitna reached down, took jumie by the hand to pull her up. when jumie complied (without much of a choice), bitna lead her to the middle of the dance floor – where the vivid lights were almost blinding. she turned to face jumie, her shadow under dim lights took bitna to memory lane –

to the first time she saw jumie perform under stage lights, skin hued in various mixes of reds, and greens, and blues. so beautiful, like she had always been.

bitna focused amidst the blur of her drunken state, but jumie’s delicate features seemed to have cleared, and she was all she could see among the crowd of people. but bitna paid no heed to such intimate feelings; she would save that for another day when her broken heart from years ago had mended completely.

instead, without letting go of jumie’s hand, she danced – swayed her hips in time to the music, side-stepped closer to the other girl without looking the least bit provocative. she twirled, holding jumie’s hand above her head, slender fingers between her own. she spun, and spun, and spun, until she was so close to jumie she could kiss her –

which she did.

pulling away, bitna laughed, her body leaning against the other girl’s. their fingers fit so well together, it  would be such a shame to let go.

so bitna did not.

after all, it was only for one more night. jumie’s arm was still wrapped around her – and although it was hard to tell if jumie had laughed with her awhile ago, bitna could tell she was still smiling –

and maybe bitna did miss these kinds of moments.

the next morning, the kiss would be meaningless.