anytime i go onto my writing blog(s) now i just feel immensely upset and overwhelmed by the fact that i could literally disappear and i don’t think anyone would notice. now, i understand that people move on but the fact it’s done so fast is what truly fucks me up beyond repair. it makes me feel sick to go on there, where once upon a time i felt more comfortable there than anywhere else, including the real world. i made some true friends i thought would last forever and perhaps that is a little foolish of me considering the fact that these friendships are online and those tend to perpetually fail and fizzle out. i am a person filled with hope and try to remain optimistic, but it is incredibly hard to do so when i feel, to the core, like i am no longer wanted, appreciated or even thought of at all. i think i might of out grown something i once loved and could spend hours/days on, non-stop and it’s a real shame but i think i might need to accept that i need to move on now and focus on the things in life that are paving the way towards my future. i think. i just really want to hold onto the people i feel close to but don’t want to feel like it’s all for nothing and that they’d rather me just go than stay and be a lingering friend that doesn’t participate in active rp and therefore doesn’t contribute to the growth of a relationship not only between muse/muse but also mun/mun. i’m far too emotionally invested in people i have never met before in real life and i think that it’s a problem. but these people that i’m talking about i care about deeply. it’s silly to need some sort of verbal proof from them to know that i am missed, but i need it.
