Wormie

Like,, think about it, okay? John obviously brings death with him, that his job, but it’s also Court’s job. Pretty explicitly he’s a “killer of men.” But it’s the emissary title that makes it so interesting.

And I think that’s also an incredible name for a GenWick fic. Especially if it’s Court saying it. Because why wouldn’t it be Court saying it? He’s cocky enough to own his skills and self deprecating enough to know that it’s not a good thing to be what they are.

I don’t really think it’s !spoilers! for John Wick 4, but I’ll hide it under the cut just in case :3

Like,, think about it, okay? John obviously brings death with him, that his job, but it’s also Court’s job. Pretty explicitly he’s a “killer of men.” But it’s the emissary title that makes it so interesting.

And I think that’s also an incredible name for a GenWick fic. Especially if it’s Court saying it. Because why wouldn’t it be Court saying it? He’s cocky enough to own his skills and self deprecating enough to know that it’s not a good thing to be what they are.

Like,, think about it, okay? John obviously brings death with him, that his job, but it’s also Court’s job. Pretty explicitly he’s a “killer of men.” But it’s the emissary title that makes it so interesting.

And I think that’s also an incredible name for a GenWick fic. Especially if it’s Court saying it. Because why wouldn’t it be Court saying it? He’s cocky enough to own his skills and self deprecating enough to know that it’s not a good thing to be what they are.

I have spent a significant portion of my life sick in bed. This means I have read... a lot of fanfiction. I do not want to run the numbers (for my own sanity) but there is a nonzero chance that I have read a greater volume of fanfiction than most of you will in a lifetime (yes, even in a tumblr crowd, where I have some real competition 😆).

For a number of years I was really embarrassed by this because for most of my life, I've fit best with the 'socially elitist nerd' set. You know - the ones who don't care if you make a little less eye contact, as long as your performance of intelligence can make them feel intelligent too. I "passed" there. So more than a decade of constant fluff and rom-com "junk" really felt like something I should be ashamed of.

But I've realized recently what fanfiction (or any free web fiction) really is. It's the author's hopes. It's the author's fears. It's all the things you wouldn't write to publish because they feel too sad, or sinful, or sacred.

Without really thinking about it, I've been drinking from the well of human desire - from fear, and love, and lust. I've been reading your precious wishes for family, or protection, or connection. I've been learning how you dream life could be.

Thank you to every writer whose work I have read or will read someday. Thank you for sharing the most precious parts of your heart, even when you didn't realize what you were doing. To every writer out there - every middle schooler with dreams, every suburban mom wishing her life could be something more. You reached out into the oblivion with the piece of yourself you probably don't even share with those closest. And somewhere in this world, a person noticed. Your dreams and hopes and wishes became a piece of me too.

someone on twt mentioned luke possibly doing other things in the circus… and that is just… stuck in my head

but a luke that lives and mellowed out, joins another circus, can’t do motorcycle stunts bc someone (FUCK YOU ROBIN) destroyed his bike. Also he needed to get outta town asap and didnt have the time to possibly fix her. So he’s in another role (…aerials or silk anyone??? Sigh)

Anyways- stuntdriver duo happened upon them, luke n driver might know each other… idk…

it’s 4 in the fuckin mornin rn… i needa sleep.

also the fact luke probably wouldnt be able to see jason… like at all :_)

Luke sees Driver in the audience, and then keeps seeing Driver in the audience and approaches him because he looks about as lonely as Luke feels. They talk, Driver offers him a drive sometime, Luke accepts. They start their weird, almost-relationship a week before Luke is touring again. Luke calls a couple times, but Driver isn't always home to answer.

But when Luke gets back, at least three months later, everything is the same, easy relationship they had before.

It’s comforting to Luke. He can leave but he knows when he comes back—and he will, every time—Driver will be waiting for him just the same. Luke doesn’t have to fight to keep the normalcy, he just gets to have it.

It’s comforting for Driver, too. Luke becomes this constant in his life, one that comes back to him without hesitation. What he’s done doesn’t matter to Luke, what he’s lost doesn’t matter to Luke—well, of course it matters, Luke’s lost things too.

Their relationship is exactly what they want, it’s constant and changing at the same time. And that’s how Colt finds them.

Colt is filming in the area—they’re even using the circus as a filming location. The stunt crew ends up hanging around the circus performers, and Colt takes a liking to Luke.

So he flirts, of course he flirts—Jody broke up with him months ago and this hot guy from the circus is right there! And Luke seems to be flirting back! It feels like a win until Luke stops. Colt is dejected, but he still enjoys the man’s company.

Luke only realized he’d been flirting after three damn conversations with Colt and the guilt is kind of eating him alive. His and Driver’s relationship is nebulous, but he’s not gonna start something else without clarifying what exactly they are.

Driver picks Luke up that day; Colt understands why Luke stopped flirting with him. He’s not blind, he sees the way they look at each other.

Colt thinks he’s got it figured out until Luke doubles down on the flirting when he sees him the next day. He brings up what he saw the night before, Colt has to, he can't wreck a relationship. Luke falls in love just a little bit when he sees how much Colt cares about it--how much he cares about this relationship and the two people in it.

Luke tells him that he and Driver do things a bit differently, that Luke wants to take Colt to bed, and that Colt can ask Driver himself about their boundaries later if he's not sure. Luke's openness astounds Colt and he takes him up on the offer to talk to Driver.

Driver is, much like Luke, immediately enamored by Colt and the air of tragedy that seems to cling to the man. As he did with Luke, he offers to take Colt on a drive sometime in the future, maybe when he's done shooting for the week.

Colt's head is spinning and he doesn't really know what to do, so he says sure. Because what else are you supposed to do when a hot guy with an incredible car asks you to ride with him?

They have something really good for the month that Colt's in town for filming. Then he's off to a new location and he's not sure if he's dreading getting a phone call from Luke or Driver, or never hearing from them again.

Luke calls. Its casual, unhurried, and unpressured. Colt breathes easier afterwards. For the rest of filming, they call on and off, sometimes Colt calls Driver too, but, again, he doesn't always answer.

After filming ends, Colt comes back to town. He stays, for a little while, quietly slotting alongside Driver and Luke in the life they've started to rebuild. A part of him doesn't want to leave, but he gets the call for another job and goes.

a close up to just... light shining through those waves, makes me feel faint with exhilaration every time

he’s so, so deeply closeted. he’s had a few periods in his life where the realisation got too close and he ran actively away from it, hooked up with more women in the meantime as if to make up for it, but he’s never allowed himself to actually think it. to dare face the thought in any sort of solid form rather than the vague, constant feeling of wrongness.

not until he’s in bed with hannah after months together, and he loves her so, so much. she’s his favourite person in the world, she’s bright and hilarious and kind and so, so smart, and she cares about him in a way nobody else ever has since his dad died, and it’s not enough. he wants to hang out with her forever, she’s his best friend, he loves her more than anything and he feels so at peace lay like this with her asleep in his arms — and he knows it’s not enough, because he can’t love her the way he’s meant to, the way she deserves.

it’s getting harder and harder to kiss her. to have sex with her. to take her touch, gentle and adoring, tracing his face and tangling her fingers with his and pulling him close. the disinterest is familiar, the bone-deep sense that he doesn’t want this that he can usually ignore — has been ignoring his whole life — but, god, he doesn’t want this. his skin is crawling, every day worse and worse, an awful building urge to fall apart and scream like he felt as a teenager under his mother’s brutal thumb, and more than anything he doesn’t want to hurt hannah.

he doesn’t want to be the lying, selfish monster he is, the one who’s taking her love even though he doesn’t want it and can’t give it back. and he’s so, so selfish, because all he can think is that he doesn’t want to lose this life too, doesn’t want to lose hannah’s closeness and friendship and her family and cal, having—having a dad, he doesn’t want to lose another dad and another family, doesn’t want to be left all alone again, and he’s trying to be quiet but hannah wakes up to him sat on the edge of the bed doubled over and sobbing, wheezing through the worst panic attack he’s ever had, one that only gets worse when she folds herself around his back and cradles him close and coaxes him through breathing exercises.

it’s some reflection of their first night together, when he’s finally calmed down, and she’s got his head cradled in her lap, stroking his hair, paying complete attention to him like she did the first night he ever talked about himself. he can’t stop crying, but she’s patient, listening to him babble through his answer to her gentle, “what’s wrong?” because he could never, ever get the words out. he’s sure he’s going to throw up. but she’s smart, so so smart, and through all his croaking about how he can’t give her what she deserves, he sees understanding dawn in her face.

why… why do they hate us?