It's waiting to see what it will become

you gotta stop using "ego death" to mean "deciding to stop being egotistical and to instead be more humble." that is not what it means. that means ceasing to experience normal individual consciousness due to a mystical experience and/or very intense psychedelic drugs

never lose hope. somewhere, a middle-aged, gender ambiguous person with an advanced degree in an esoteric field and a fiber arts hobby could be crashing out and pinning all their remaining mental health on getting obsessed with your otp. any day now, the most elegantly written 100k fanfic you have ever read is going to hit ao3. it could happen. it has happened.

what did they do

What they had to do.

had a dream where i invented a new currency and i had to market it to every country for adoption with a short slogan. i went for "inspired by the penny" with indonesia and it instantly failed a public vote.

riding the trolley out of omelas because i'm a little too shaken to walk rn and i just heard this weird thump from the tracks. probably nothing

the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time

another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world

it's actually very easy to tell the difference between american and japanese aaa games, even absent any familiarity with aesthetic conventions: if it's american, it's a hundred and fifty gigabytes, and if it's japanese, it's ninety dollars.