archived !

○   not to say that I’m quitting tumblr altogether,   I might be moving blogs.      (   when will I do that?   who knows,  it’s nebulos   )       but if I decide to come back,   it will be on a new blog which will also be my  only writing blog  because I do miss writing,  plotting,  brainrotting,   etc.     I just haven’t been in a good mental space regarding rp    &    this break has been rejuvenating to say the least so I hope to enjoy it a little longer.

○   this is also to say that if we have  established connections / mains / exclusives,   literally consider yourself released.   it would be unfair of me to hold you to that when I’m not active or writing    &    the future of it all is also very uncertain.    hand to god,  there would be no hard feelings.    and of course,   we can open that discussion again if I come back if you wish!

○   lastly,   if anyone wishes to keep in touch regardless,   please feel free to  add me on discord     (  bestie beloved bastard 🤍#7394  )

hugs and kisses

VIDYA HAD A VISITOR.   a golden haired man whose eyes she never caught,  who always turned away just at the moment she swivelled her head to catch him in the act.   she sees him out of her periphery,   while flitting in between the guests.   a common attendee if not for the   piercing   way he studies her.   for his amusement and to confirm her own assessment,   vidya puts on a show.   like a rolling wave of water,  she steadily moved from one end of the hall to the other.   all the while,  she   waited and waited and waited   until inevitably she’d notice his sharp features slowly turn her way.   it should unnerve her,   to be watched so carefully.   but by then,  it was no longer an unfamiliar feeling.   the two had been dancing around each other for quite some time.   always seemingly in the same place,  their fates crossed paths in such a way that it had to be more than just   mere coincidence.   vidya had waited for time to bring them face to face,  but   her patience had worn thin   and she knew that matters would need to be taken into her own hands.

she rested her arms on the surface of the bar,  quietly settling into the seat beside him.   like a ghost,   haunting him at every turn,   she spoke softly.   when he faced her and their eyes finally met,  she felt a jolt of excitement run down her spine.   the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place,   and she didn’t know what image they would reveal.   ❝   unless you have uncovered   every secret   i harbour just with a glance,  then i’d imagine there’s   plentiful   to find.   people are never what they appear,   ❞   she paused abruptly,  his name on the tip of her tongue but just a hairsbreadth out of reach.   vidya watched him over the lip of her glass,  brows pulling together.   ❝   my apologies,  but lantsov,  correct ?   nikolai lantsov ?   ❞   

her amused grin mirrored his and she crossed one leg over the other to get comfortable.   she reckoned he’d hold her interest for some time.   ❝   is that so ?   i guess they did capture my attention.   ❞   tilting her head back,  she took a long sip out of her flute as she peered over the crowds and towards the wall of paintings.   vidya looked at him out of the corner of her eye,  a glint in her dark gaze.   ❝   they’re captivating,   no ?   ❞

there is no curiosity that calls him more than an  unwritten story  does,   and  vidya sharma’s name  was just the first page of the book he tried to wrangle open for far too long now.     but how long do  stolen glances,    a few nonchalant conversations passed around between those who frequented her circles,    and all these  happenchance encounters  would serve his purpose?     though he appeared languidly unbothered by her presence by his side,    the casual conversation that she struck was like an  open door  that nikolai would wedge his foot into     &    leave with this herculean task of figuring out her origins and intentions completed.      ❝   I agree,   ❞     he smiled with his teeth,   the entire weight of his body leaning into the elbow that he had propped up on the bar behind him.       ❝   people are more than their appearance indeed.    for instance,   I hate to be reduced to my finely cut jaw   &   charming aura.   ❞       he jested,    swiftly exchanging his empty glass with a filled one from a passing tray,     the deftness of a thief.      ❝   yes,   nikolai lantsov.    but I boast many other titles,   so you may have your  pick of the lot.     let’s see,    there’s    —    dreamboat,   apprentice,   handsome,   sweetheart   . . .   ❞

❝   how untoward !     dinner without a chaperone?   ❞     he announced to an empty hall with a cheery lilt to his voice that carried in its echo.     it all  stunned  him entirely:    the open doors,    the gentle rush evening breeze filtering in through the windows,    and the eerie silence that crept over his shoulders,    though his confusion was  short-lasting.      nikolai was too entranced with the glimmering chandelier,    the painted walls that his hand brushed against,     (   I envy these walls that see more of you than I do,   )    not glancing the paintings that hung overhead but at the candles that dwindled lower than the rest,    that lent the air the sweet scent of peaches and caramel;     the  well-worn books  sequestered on the shelves between the shiny,    untouched ones.      (   what faraway lands have you been to where I wasn’t beside you?   )     

there was a sick delight to be taken from the myriad of changes encompassing nikolai’s face,    and he enjoyed rubbing salt to the wound if only to see him perplexed,   angry,   and equally furious.     ❛  throwing the landlord in my face wasn’t about money?   you’re full of shit,   and yourself,   but i guess there’s not much of a difference.  ❜     it soured his blood,   the insinuation that he was delusional.    perhaps nikolai  was right  in that the world was not against kenneth as he so often felt,   but one thing was for certain:   nikolai  certainly was.   if his words did not make this apparent the cutting glass scowl he landed for certain drove the point home.     the grip he had over his dark blonde hair tightened,   moments before nikolai seized his wrist.     ❛  you gonna’ call me delusional and crazy the second i don’t take your shit like you expect everyone else to?   let me —  ❜    it almost wasn’t fair,   because nikolai was stronger than him even if kenneth was willing to bet this argument  would die quicker  as soon as he’d figured a knife into his hand.   with vitriol and anger  burning his hands into tight fists even when his shoulders hitch,    the warm voice in his ear and the sea-salt scent gentles his scowl  for a second.    nikolai chooses to withdraw when kenneth twists again,   shaking and yanking himself free before he swivels around in outrage to confront the other.     ❛  don’t you dare.   you ruined it,    don’t touch my things!  ❜      he is moving before he thinks to,   and nikolai is turning again before he thinks to,   and too soon  they are colliding  into one another with the ground swept from their feet.   the anger goes down with him until they are tangled limbs and  dizzy heads,   a hand to nikolai’s chest and the other over the tiled floor by his dark blonde head to steady himself up to a sitting over him.   his  scowl returns,   as does the repulsive turn of desire.      ❛  i hate you —   i hate you.  ❜

the upper hand in their tussle was little consolation,    for with each acerbic remark that bit nikolai’s ear,    he felt his heart twist further with indignation.     after weeks of attempts made to get closer to the boy,   this was where they met    —     in bitterness   &   prejudice,     where kenneth was still determined to keep his distance,    shut away from the rest of the world   and him.     a frown was etched on his features in  dark lines,    corrosive shadows that morphed his amusement into something  malevolent,    challenging kenneth to understand that if a  chasm of hatred  was what he was determined to split apart between them,    nikolai would dive into that abyss  head first  and unafraid.      ❝   oh yes,  it was a reach for me to expect a little bit of faith   &   rational thinking  out of you.   ❞      he’d spoken before hearing the charging of footsteps towards him,    which made him whirl on his heel but  not in time.     they clattered to the floor in a tangled mess of bewilderment and audacity,    hunger and fury,    tearing down all fronts of grace and  careful distance.     a glance down at the bunched up fabric of his shirt in kenneth’s fist made his nostrils flare,    a surge of  wicked desire  surfaced in a blood rush underneath his grip,    making him grin  like a madman  at the verge of discovery.     ❝   you don’t hate me;     you hate that I don’t take your shit like everyone else does.   ❞         his hands clasped kenneth’s wrists like  iron-cuffs,    using that faltered momentum to toss them around,    pinning the burning fists to the floor above the other boy’s head.    rum poured on a fire,   the words hissed when they were uttered from between his teeth.     ❝   —you hate that you like that,   you hate that you  like me.   ❞     when protests were made which nikolai knew to be insubstantial,   he was all too aware of his waist caught between the other’s knees,     the closeness of their lips,     the heat pooling somewhere low in his stomach  like a tornado.    more vitriol,   and his impatience reached its peak.       ❝   shut up     . . .      —   shut up !   ❞          he brought his mouth down to muffle kenneth’s anger in his  violent kiss,    the erratic pounding of his chest growing louder with it.

had he allowed nikolai to continue speaking in false promises,    kenneth would have thrown a fit.   it was almost a relief to be swept against the wall,   a buffer to his fury that seemed to burst  at his heart.   that was when the tone shifted and the challenge was finally returned,   and no matter how tall nikolai loomed  over him,   kenneth’s scowl wasn’t any less unbridled with a thunderstorm temper.    ❛  and i’m not one of your little toys to toss around and step on.    i don’t care,   i’m already pissed off.  ❜     he shoved his wrists,   struggled against the grip there that prevented him from mauling the guy’s face off,   and scowled back with equal force.    it was the closest he had ever stood  to the other,   enough that for the first time he was able to discern the  soft brown and gold flecked amidst hazel,   and had his heart been less sequestered to the jagged edge of ice,   he might have stammered at  that simple beauty.    instead he scoffed with half a laugh  at the words thrown back,   his body momentarily going lax as he leaned back against the wall and allowed the boy to stoop closer.      ❛  —   is that a fucking threat,   nikolai?    you want a thanks for giving me more problems?     god,   you dumb fucking bitch.    go blow your money up your  own ass.  ❜    another shove,   another struggle against his wrists with the wall digging into his shoulders.    by luck  his hand snagged  at the back of the boy’s hair,   levelling his stare to his own.    kenneth’s anger quietened but never dimmed,   to that slow  exhale of impatience  and mistrust.   unblinking,   his sneer tuned his last words to a whisper.     ❛  go on,   walk out you self important twat.   or should i throw you out myself?  ❜

if it wasn’t for the red that clouded his vision,    nikolai would blame this incoherence on the other boy’s rage,     stubbornly infectious.     the struggles between them fell nearly pointless,    for it was his iron grip that kept kenneth from clawing at his eyes     &     beneath all the thoughts that ran haywire in the back of his mind,    he knew it was a risk  not worth taking.       ❝   that’s so fucking typical,   bringing money into this when that’s not even what this is about.     is it cold up there,   in delusionland?     wake the fuck up,   ken!    the entire world isn’t out to  get you.   ❞      a part of him pleaded almost to be soothed from this scorching touch,    to return to that  familiar expanse of unspoken desires,    but to know that this  resentment  came from a place of honesty unsettled him enough to see make his nerves bristle with frustration.     to quieten this storm of anger,    he freed one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose,     which kenneth saw as an  opportunity  to gain the upper hand.    nikolai’s jaws grit together at the sudden tug,    a grunt like that of rumbling thunder left him without conscious volition.       ❝   you—   ❞       the word was uttered in haste before he reached back underneath the grip on his hair to clasp ken’s wrist,    yanking the hand free   &    twisting it firmly behind his back.     ❝   what did I fucking say just now?   go be a bully somewhere else,  jackass.   ❞      there,   nikolai pressed his chest against the boy’s back,   the heat of their bodies coiling between them like a rope,   wrenching him further into madness as he drilled the words in  hot whispers  against the shell of a reddened ear.     ❝   oh,  I’m leaving all right    . . .    after I fix your dumb fucking oven.   unlike you,   I’m not gonna let my  petty problems  get in the way of that girl’s birthday.   ❞      with that,   he let go of ken’s hand with a shove,    stepping back to allow himself the space where he could  even his breathing.

for starters,   he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.    it seemed no matter how he attempted to explain his fury,   nikolai was like  a plexiglass glass  that simply ricocheted his words back at him.   it twisted his temper until he began to see  vermillion spots  behind his vision,   his breathing uneven and riddled with simmering fury.    valentine’s was abruptly the last thing he wanted to  talk and think about,   when in the funeral of his kitchen and the fact that alina’s cake was not homemade but bought off some cheap unreliable bakery  was ridiculous.    what trust did kenneth have,   in that short and miserable cake?    ❛  no,   no it’s not well!    i wanted to make her a cake at home.   i’m sick of your shit.  ❜     the second nikolai was on his feet kenneth was speed forward,   his hands crashing against the man’s chest as he  pushed and shoved  and beat his fists in light warning against his shoulder.    since he had met him,   he’d sworn to loathe him for all of eternity.   why was it  that it was nikolai lantsov who could make him feel this way?     ❛  you think you can come in here and ruin my plans with your tricks   —  ❜     nikolai’s back hit the wall,   but kenneth had little remorse.   he stomped his boot,   his fists clenched and flailing in bewildered and  upset gestures,   scowling with grudge-wiped teeth.    ❛  nobody will know ?   i’ll know !    you didn’t even fix my stupid oven,   and now you’ve botched my toaster.   don’t you dare touch anything again.  ❜ 

❝   well,   plans had to change.   the cake was almost done when the unit started sparking.   ❞      too soon,   the mirth from his explanation was wiped off with a single palm striking against him,    then two,    and suddenly a barrage of attacks descended on his chest.      with each one,    nikolai sputtered,    trying to get a word in but it fell like  a whisper against a storm  when more insults were hurled his way.      ❝   look,  there’s still time!   I can fix th—   ❞      words cut off when his back hit the wall,    and the world narrowed down to the sound of  kenneth’s incessant rage.    in a different time,   it would have amused him to see such incoherent flailing,   as though the  ropes of sanity  were escaping the other boy’s grasp,    but here,     nikolai felt the burden of cynicism.      this reaction was bred from  a lack of trust  and despite all else,    it was his  pride  that rose first to defend him.     his hands grabbed the wildly thrashing arms     &     swiveled the two of them around in one swift motion,    trapping the accusatory wrists in a white-hot grip against ken’s chest.     ❝   listen to me.   ❞     he nearly snarled in a low voice,    pressing the boy further into the wall.      ❝   I am not one of your little targets to bully around whenever you feel like it.    I said I’m sorry.    gonna ask you to think  rationally  for one bloody second    &    not piss me off right now.   ❞      with a low hiss,    he bent closer to challenge ken’s scowl,   a moth entranced by the fire of it.    his thoughts started to get muddled in the warmth of the other boy’s breath,    from a mouth dangerously close to his own.      ❝   I can walk out of here    &   you can deal with an electrician.     not to mention,   your fucking landlord    . . .    would that suit you better?   ❞

too quickly,  his eyes snap back to nikolai at the added confession.    kenneth had made a habit of disregarding much of what the other had to say knowing it owed to an  attempt at distraction,   but with his kitchen’s skeleton on the line he seemed hyper aware of every word and chink of the metal.   true enough,  he’d almost blurted out that he’d rather nikolai burn his hand to cinders than leave his oven torn open like this for a minute longer,   as if someone had  taken a sledgehammer  to its insides and left it for dead.   his voice,   near stricken,   came out in a hiss.      ❛  don’t fucking tell me to chill !   i   —    what?  ❜    puzzled,   he pulled back with sudden confusion,   heat rising to his cheeks.   why would nikolai ask him about that?    the  treacherous part  of his heart had its own hidden wants for it,   though he shook it away.   there was no way.     ❛  nothing.   why does that matter to you?  ❜    as if determined not to meet his eyes,   kenneth looked back at the strawberry cake perched over his counter  and squinted.    something about it,   what nikolai had said,   didn’t sit right …    ❛  hold on a second,  ❜     he whispered,   and pushed himself up to his feet.     ❛  that coating and baking alone would have taken more than an hour.  ❜    away from the smoke,   he stood by the counter and swiped the cream off the side of the cake paper  and tasted it.   kenneth’s brows drew together even more ferociously,    his frown  darkening  as he turned an accusing scowl on nikolai.      ❛  this is too sweet.   brown-sugar sweet.   i only have stevia   —   you fucking bought this ?!  ❜ 

the momentary halt allowed nikolai the reprieve of amusement.      with the abrupt heat blossoming on the other boy’s cheeks,    he grinned wider in the knowledge of having successfully accomplished his task of  creating a diversion.     his entire frame came lax on the kitchen floor,   as though the tiled floor was a  sandy beach     &     the hissing circuitry was only a bonfire.       ❝   no reason,   I was just curious.    so far  I don’t have plans either,    so—    ❞       too soon his farce falls apart under kenneth’s critically deductive thought process    &    all he could do was follow suit.      when the accusation was laid on him,    nikolai could see only  two choices:     stranger stories had been concocted by him before,     running circles of scientific reasoning     —     what was another?      except the art of baking was  entirely lost on him,    so it would only conclude with a hole dug deeper with each fabricated argument;    or,     he could own up this  catastrophe     (   which he’d argue was an exaggeration of a word for something that had already been solved   )     and face the consequences.     after all,    how bad could it get?       ❝   I mean—    it took me an hour    . . .    to drive down to the bakery.   ❞      he confessed with a boyishly smug expression,    leaning against the countertop     &     marveling at the perfection of the cake,    and by extension,     his own genius.      ❝   look,  I’m sorry.    but all’s well that ends well,   right?      you have a cake,     your surprise party can still be saved,     and I’ll take this secret  to my grave.    nobody has to know.    ❞

❛  what are you  —  ❜     kenneth couldn’t boost a reliable knowledge of technical inventions,   much less  kitchen appliances  that he looked to for their purpose and less for their guts.   for that reason there was something especially jarring and clinically wrong about seeing kolya casually  break apart his toaster  and oven gate to poke around inside.   at least the smoke had ceased bellowing in concerning tufts,   but that was little comfort to kenneth in the moment he’d  steadied himself  against the counter,   head spinning from watching his kitchen come apart under nikolai’s hand.      ❛  i’m not sure you know what you’re doing …  ❜    gingerly he made his way closer to the  danger zone,  kneeling before his wretched oven,   his face strewn in  haunted dread.   nikolai’s tease draws him out long enough to earn a poisonous scowl.    ❛  we’re in a burning kitchen.   because of you.   that’s enough to keep you warm,   since apparently your shame doesn’t.  ❜    kenneth’s brows drew together in even deeper concern as he watched the assembly of parts,   winding his arms around himself in a rigid embrace as  they waited.     ❛  why do you think ?   she …   she cares about this stuff,   and  it’s my gift.  ❜    with a finger jutting up in accusation,   kenneth’s rage simmered.     ❛  if you mess this up for me,   i swear  —  ❜

❝   it’s not like you have a choice.   ❞    he retorted with a grin   &   savoured the scowl received in return,    which was far better than the risk of ken falling to the floor,    lightheaded  and dizzy with shock.     by contrast,    amidst split machines    &     smoke billowing around them,    nikolai was at ease.     the task at hand was commonplace for him,   but what was  unfamiliar  was this closeness,    this trust being placed upon his shoulders.      ❝   I will not mess it up,   I promise!   can you chill?   you’re disturbing my zen.   ❞      he groaned,    voice teetering at the edge of restlessness as his brows furrowed,   focus narrowing on the disassembled oven.       ❝   you didn’t even appreciate my cake.   I spent a good hour on it,  you know.   ❞      with a particularly childish pout,    nikolai waved the last cloud of smoke away before falling backwards on his elbows,    leaning his weight on them.     ❝   gotta wait for the unit to cool down,     unless you’d rather I burn my hands.   ❞     before an agreement could be sounded,    he interrupted.     ❝   remember I can’t repair this with burnt hands.   ❞     watching the other boy’s shoulders deflate,    the fight in him coiling tighter as he bristled in his own helplessness,     nikolai thought it better to change the subject.       ❝   hey,   look at me    —    what are your plans for  valentine’s day?   ❞

❝    what ?    but you’re so charming and charismatic and funny.    ❞          brows furrow as honeyed irises glare at him,    lips pursed as her pointer twirls the end of glossy locks.         ❝    do your enemies have terrible taste ?    oh,    it’s your hair,   isn’t it ?    ❞         gaze narrows as she studies him,   head tilting to the side as to further emphasize her train of thought in this oh - so - important search for answers.         ❝    or maybe your clothes.    ❞         there’s a moment of brief silence as she lets her words settle,   tone unchanging with its pseudo - peppiness.         ❝    my mother told me i should avoid enemies by killing them.    maybe that’ll work for you.    ❞         playfulness dances in the curve of ruby reds,   the teasing evident in her tone. 

It all happens to fast, he can barely register the bullet aimed at him, until he’s suddenly pushed to the side. The impact of the fall is harmless and it only takes him a moment to get back on his knees, looking for the shape of the prince among the soldiers around him. Dominik has promised himself to protect Nikolai, he cannot lose him now. And then he sees who’s lying on the ground next to him, groaning in pain. Blood is rapidly flowing from a wound in the shoulder and the horrible truth begins to dawn on him. Nikolai has pushed him. And has been hit in his stead. Dominik crawls over to him, forgetting about everything else. All the noise, the screams and bangs around them, are drowned out by wild, overwhelming fear. “Kolya?” Frantic thoughts are rushing through his head far too quickly. The blood flow needs to be stopped. I have to find a pulse. And while his hands begin to press down on the wound, his mind keeps repeating one sentence: Saints, please not him. Not him. Not him. Let this damned country take everything else from him, but not Nikolai. “Can you hear me Kolya? Stay with me. We were supposed to make it out of here together, remember? You promised.” They will make it. He will bring him to safety, to a healer, away from this battlefield. They might punish him for not fighting, but he couldn’t care less. Nothing else matters, but the man he loves more than himself, more than his own life. 

Not him. 

the heavy smoke rising from the battlefield clouded his vision,     the acrid smell of gunpowder clinging to his senses like a ghost perched on his shoulders.    many battles had been fought,   many more were left to fight still;    young nikolai,    with a zeal to drag to hell those who wished to see his country crumpled to dust,    had never quite learnt the  delicate art of balance  of strategy and burning fervour.     the rifle in his hand was a comfortable companion,   but defense wasn’t the  the soldier prince’s  strongest suit.   so when his flank was left unguarded,    sight freezing on the bullet that arced towards his beloved companion,    everything stilled.         ❝   dominik!   ❞     he’d shouted,   but it fell like a whisper amidst the roaring carnage,    so without thought he’d shoved the boy out of its way    &    felt the tiny brazen object throw him backwards.

＊    BATTLE STATS,     NIKOLAI LANTSOV.

GENERAL

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆  — strength ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — offense ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆  — defense ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — speed ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆   — durability

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★  — accuracy ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆  — agility ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — stamina ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆  — teamwork ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — stealth

SPECIFICS

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — close combat ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆  — bladed weapons ( swords, daggers ) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆  — blunt weapons ( clubs, staffs, axes ) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★  — ranged weapons ( archery, guns ) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆  — superpowers / abilities ( magic ) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆  — traps / setups ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆  — medic

LASTING INJURIES

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COMBAT SCARS

bullet wound scars near his left shoulder and left thigh   (  first army  ),    several scars on his arms, legs and chest   (  swordfights,  civil war  ),     two scars running parallel on his back    (  monster wings  ),    dark scars on each of his fingers   (  monster talons  ).

FIGHT STYLE

(  BOLD any that apply.  ITALICIZE any that sort of apply  )

commander  /  duelist  /  honourable  /  dishonourable  /  would have others do their fighting  /  stealthy  /  long-ranged  /  mid-ranged  /  melee  /  technological  /  sorcery  /  superhuman abilities  /  has fought in a tourney  /  a lover of fighting  /  a hater of fighting  /  cowardly  /  reckless  /  strategic  /  uses underhanded tricks  /  renowned for their skill  /  trained  /  untrained  /  keeps skills a secret  /  won a battle  /  lost a battle  /  ruthless  /  merciful

TAGGED BY:      @sunbruise​  will not forgive you for making me Think

TAGGING:     anyone who hasnt done this yet!   <3