a collective of minds

Laudna had always felt like the one who had been saved by Imogen. It was nice to know that they had saved each other. The gentle touch and care Imogen always gave her had the warlock melting a little.

As Imogen continued Laudna felt the tears coming back. Laudna waited for Imogen to finish before pulling the other into a tight hug. I don’t know how I feel yet, but I know you’ll be with me the whole time.

          The moment she was pulled in, a quiet gasp escaped her lips but she didn’t hesitate to return the hug, arms holding Laudna close, protectively. Always. She simply tells her, the word holding so much more meaning behind it. Fingers dig into the blouse, almost afraid of letting go, not wanting to be far from her. No matter what comes next, I’ll be right by your side through it all. Just, when you do find out how you feel... tell me, alright?

Laudna couldn’t keep herself from leaning into Imogen’s touch. This was closer than anyone had been with her, both physically and emotionally. Imogen meant everything to her.

I want to hear it. Please. It would be both comforting and sharp for the sane reasons but she wanted to know and not be left wondering what could have been said.

          That simple lean, knowing that she accepted this closeness helped to ease her frazzled mind. A smile forming however small, still there from this happiness that was within, the happiness that Laudna easily gave to Imogen. Anything she did or said... the sorceress cherished every single thing. Laudna was her joy, the one she truly couldn’t live without. She nods, acknowledging her request before taking a deep breath. The words were engrained in her memory, the ritual the second most challenging part of her life, the first losing her. You know you saved my life, right? She starts, fingers gently bringing thin locks of hair behind her ear, careful not to brush against the golden ornament that decorated it. ‘f you hadn’t come into town when you did, I don’t know how long I would’ve lasted.

          She pauses, eyes watching Laudna out of genuine habit, but also out of love and concern. Imogen was nervous, scared to momentarily relive that moment but it’s what she wanted, and who could blame her? These last few years have been... they’ve been everything. Through it all, through all the laughter, and all the hardships, she was with you. She was choking you. Another pause, the words sinking in once more, voice becoming light and shaky. If you come back, I-I don’t know how you’re gonna feel... I don’t know if you’ll feel free? Or if you’ll feel empty?

Laudna watched Imogen take her hand, they felt warm even through the gloves in a way that hers never really did. Laudna didn’t doubt Imogen’s words, only that she didn’t feel worthy of Imogen doing so much for her.

Laudna swallowed. I didn’t hear you… It felt awful to admit it. I don’t know why, but I only heard Orym. The halfling was someone she hadn’t expected to hear but hid words were kind and sincere. I should have heard you Imogen, I know you would have said something.

          Lavender eyes widen in shock, heart cracking ever so slightly at the confession. Imogen had this feeling that her words were held back, smothered by the dark abyss but she didn’t want to believe it, praying to whatever gods or goddesses that were out there that her friend had heard her during the ritual. This confirmed her fears and what made it worse was how much this seemed to affect Laudna.

You  know,   for  someone  who  has  the  extremely  negative  trait  of  pushing  people  away  when  it  gets  close  to  the  anniversary  or  she’s  caught  looking  absolutely  frightened  in  the  middle  of  a  big  storm   –   Steph  can’t  with  Alex.   She  can’t  with  Mikey  or  Gabriel  either,   the  only  difference  is  that  those  two  boys  fought  for  her  exactly  like  she  was  a  friend  worth  having.   Maybe  that’s  always  shocking.   Alex  has  just  been  the  one  person  in  her  life  she   …   can’t  fathom  losing.   Even  in  Steph’s  depressive  episodes.   Alex  is  important.

It  wasn’t  just  the  music  that  was  helping  –  that  was  part  of  it,   it  was  the  fact  Alex  is  important  and  always  happens  to  put  a  smile  on  Steph’s  face.   The  storm  is  so  much  quieter  and  it’s  so  much  easier  to  forget  her  mother’s  voice  or  how  close  she  was  to  dying.   Or,  all  the  stupid  things  that  make  reliving  this  so  painful.   She’d  already  promised  Mikey  she’d  stop  ghosting  people  and  she  wasn’t  about  to  do  it  to  Alex,  she  just  needed  a  quiet  corner.   She  still  doesn’t  know  what  to  say.  Her  hands  fold  together,   forehead  pressing  into  knuckles. 

Fuck,   she’s  certainly  a  bad  host  right  now.   

          Ever since Gabe died, Steph had been the one constant person in her life. Sure there was Ryan, Charlotte, Ethan, and the others in town, but no one truly had her back or understood her like she did. Throughout all the hardships and bullshit they had to deal with Typhon, Steph always was there, no questions asked. It would have been pretty shitty of Alex if she never swung by the record store. Being there for her was the only option, unable to fathom another possibility, another reality where she was not present.

          Tucking the phone away into a pocket, she goes to sit down next to her, arm carefully pulling the other close. Time wasn’t important. It could take minutes, hours, fuck, Alex would sit here for days if humanly possible if it meant that Steph felt safe and comfortable. While the fear was radiating into her, she had been getting better about controlling it, not letting it control her. Taking a deep breath, Alex rests her head against Steph’s shoulder, hoping the wet hair won’t be minded.

Laudna as a reaction prestidigitationed the black stains from Imogen’s scarf not wanting the bright fabric to stain. The gentle feel of Imogen in her head put her a little more at ease. 

Everything

It was too much to try and put into words at first. Guilt wracked her body., guilt for them having to even come here for her, guilt that she had failed Imogen, guilt that she hadn’t heard Imogen, just Orym when she knew that Imogen would have been just as comforting and there for her as she had.

Fingers moved to pick a poppy out of her hair.

I failed you… I put you all in a bad place…

          The sudden wave of guilt that rolled through their connection was overwhelming, unused to the sudden onslaught of emotions from Laudna. Her mind had always been a place of solace, so used to hearing this sweet ol’ melody that was uniquely her own. Now it had been tainted by all the trauma, the torture that Delilah must have put her through. She goes to tuck away her scarf between her vest and dress after the stains vanished, knowing all too well what the cause had been. Even now when she was in so much pain, she was still caring for Imogen.

          Don’t. She warns, knowing all too well the spiral she would go down if these thoughts persisted. Don’t ever say that you failed me. In fact it was quite the opposite, Imogen had been the one who failed Laudna, letting her love and friendship be the reason for her untimely demise. We all wanted you back, Laudna. None of us were just gon’ leave ya there. It takes her a few seconds, trying to blink away the sudden tears that threatened to collect. Gloved hands reach out, taking hold of Laudna’s free hand, desperately hoping that she could reassure her.