STRONGBEAR

This is funny af

“You’re not pathetic! You’re human—like the rest of us.”

“Have you just been rambling all this time without any sense of inner monologue!?” “Get a little too addicted to using your precious white powder, did you?” “Are you saying all baseballs are suspicious because they have stitches!?” “Why is it lately, all I want to do is cry…?” “Well, you know what they say about guys with long names… They’re difficult to pronounce!” “Get your finger out of the breeze and put it to good use.” “What’s crack-a-lackin’, homie?” “If you’re going to ride that stallion into the sunrise, wait for me, I want in too!” “My panties are an extra-dimensional space… Anything can fit in there!” “If you start eating the crime scene… I’ll make you leave…” “I’m… totally lost… so why don’t you just tell me the answer already?” “I set my ATM card’s number to ‘0001’ because I’m number one!” “I’ve given up trying to understand them. It’s much easier that way.” “I live, eat and breathe potatoes now. Potatoes are… my life.” “Don’t mind me! Just forgot a few things! …Wallet, phone, the documents, my bag…” “My beauty can’t possibly be captured by a mere crayon!” “Hiding under that table would mean being surrounded by the four naked men, though.” “…My forbidden imagination is starting to imagine things.” “So how does it feel to be thoroughly rammed?” “I, on the other hand, call it a mistake.” “It was probably because of his worthless male pride.” “Who can say? I seldom pay attention to mundane things such as time and place.” “You should really come with a supply of cheese to match your vintage whine.” “I can only speak a few phrases, such as, ‘I love you,’ and, 'Where is the toilet?’” “…I have no objection to the whip.” “I’ll catch her with her pants down… So to speak.” “This man doesn’t get sarcasm.” “My mind and body are kaput. Same goes for my life.” “Care to explain why you chose to finger that person?” “People have all kinds of fetishes.” “I will not allow birds to be belittled in my presence!” “Salt runs in the family, you might say.” “What’s 'hard’!?” “Tell me about the dogs!” “Cut the existential bull or I’ll cut you.” “Sorry, am I supposed to be consoling you over your first-world problems?” “I believe in the power of science.” “People don’t die that easily, really.” “I didn’t sign up for this!” “You don’t need nail polish to get to someone’s mouth.” “And even though the weather is gorgeous today, it’s raining inside my heart…” “Things are already confusing enough with all these daddies running around.” “What the heck, right?” “His name is… something weird. I forget.” “The spork is a wonderful invention.” “I love weenies. I can’t get enough of their tender juiciness.” “Welcome back to reality! We’ve been waiting for you.”

two summers ago i spent an afternoon in the hills of germany on a farm with a kind family who had llamas. a good day.

my aesthetic: a big muscular black man carrying away smol angry latina detectives

Prepare to be physically overpowered by a “friend” friend!

(requested by @poefinn)