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Okay so I'm DEFINITELY going to be taking time away from tumblr I DO NOT want to see the Pitt spoilers I am behind a bit and I know blocking tags isn't enough

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Sometime after Hollanov are outed and Shane is traded to Ottawa, Harris decides to do a "two truths and a lie" video.
Ilya: "My eyes are brown, I'm the captain of the Ottawa Centaurs, and before we were boyfriends, Shane Hollander and I were in a 7-year situationship."
And at first the comments on the video are all like "Haha, Rozanov, you're meant to pick something that could be true, not something that's so obviously a lie."
And then all of a sudden, people just start commenting zoomed in photos of Ilya Rozanov's eyes. And the internet loses its fucking mind.
And that's how Ilya and Shane reveal their relationship timeline.
does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person
wow
i noticed my horrible patterns! i think the process stops there
Ilya + consent & concern
"Itβs a huge part of Ilyaβs character. He may seem like a carefree playboy, but really heβs a very sensitive and empathetic lover." (x)

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okay a thought is brewing. maybe itβs like proper angry make up sex. ilyaβs finally done it and managed to really get on shaneβs nerves abt something minute. but he chose a wrong day to do so and shane can be such huge bitch about it when he wants to. thereβs a big fuck you, rozanov and ilyaβs back meets the wall and heβs being manhandled to bed before he can think more thoughts than hot and fuck and cock. shaneβs eyes are absolutely blazing when he looks at ilya and ilya just wants whine what a gorgeous man shane is so incredible sexy and shane kisses him like he owns ilya, fistful of curls in hand and he does he really does and ilya feels stupid he cannot remember what they were bickering about his brain just a litany of dick dick dick dick and maybe he is what they say on social media about him sometimes, a manwhore, never made sense to him, why specify, a whore is a whore, whatever, he just pulls his sweatpants down and presents himself, ass up in the air and shane still looks mad as hell and hot as hell so ilya spreads his cheeks for good measure.
FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT HOLLANDER @domrozanov
i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck
i just looove the image of ilya sliding into shaneβs hole and then immediately stopping all movement when he bottoms out. he closes his eyes and takes a couple of deeps breaths and shane is looking back at him like π whyβd you stop??? come on baby i neeeeed you (whiny) meanwhile ilya is fighting for his life & also to not blow his load right there and then like pleaseβ¦.just give me a secondβ¦.
this happens at least once a week years into their marriage btw
and they are stuck in this horny feedback loop til death does them part because shane loves it when ilya can barely control himself from bustin a nut right there on the spot and it always does ilya in how whiny shane gets when he slows down πββοΈπββοΈπββοΈ
I cant believe this tweet is how I find out
now all the things you guys have told me about american high schools are starting to make sense
holy shit.
You're not really supposed to say it this way, because its considered crass, but here in the US children are culturally and legally considered essentially the property of their parents.
Note that its considered more crass to point this out than it is to treat children as property in the first place.
Whatβs my dream job ? Idk probably thigh or foot

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it is so annoying being so self aware about all my issues like okay what now girl
Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything
Ilya always has a mop of frizzy wild curls at the cottage because
They're always in and out of the water β lake swims, pool swims, hot tub, showers β so doing his curl routine each time would be crazy when he could be spending that precious time sucking his boyfriend's dick.
Shane's not the biggest fan of how Ilya's styling products feel. He'll tolerate it, but Ilya can tell by his face that the texture isn't his favourite. Less product = more hair touching.
Shane's hands are always in his hair. When they're kissing. When they're watching a movie. When they fuck. When Ilya sits with his head in Shane's lap. When they're napping on the couch together. Shane's hands are usually full of a handful of Ilya's curls.
Shane seems to really like it. One time Shane said Ilya's fluffy hair made him look like a duckling and he's been chasing that high ever since.
He just prefers this version of him that doesn't need to look perfect and be perfect to be loved and adored. Shane never makes him feel lazy for letting his hair get a little wild over summer. He kisses his temples and tells him he's so fucking beautiful.
i dont even know where the bit ends and i begin
hanging out with family is sooo weird. what do I say to you

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Me: I wanna die
Moots: *likes* That means I love you on here
maybe it's my own biases showing, #mybias, but i really want shane to have a cat. i genuinely think he'd love lying with them curled up on his chest and making them their own little bowl of (only the best) atlantic salmon so that two of them can have matching dinners together.
said cat will come via the cat distribution system though. he's finding them under a bush outside the cantire centre one day after practice and taking them home in the front pocket of his hoodie like a kangaroo joey.
the cat is ginger btw. and he calls it snaps.