슬퍼

it was hard to explain how this started. lucas wasn’t one to hook up with people, but changmin was different. he was charming, sweet, and made lucas feel as though they were the only ones around whenever they were together. it happened so fast and lucas found himself waiting for a text or call from changmin daily. sometimes they came, other times they didn’t, but it made his heart flutter every time his name popped up on his screen. they weren’t exclusive. lucas knew that. there was o talk about what they were or where this was going, but that didn’t mean he didn’t allow himself to daydream of what could be.

the sound of the knock upon his door had startled him. he wasn’t expecting anyone like usual, and he hadn’t heard back from changmin for far more than a few hours now. still, he stood from the couch in his living room and walked over to his door. hearing changmin’s voice before he even had the door open far enough to see his face had been all it took to pull a wide smile onto his face. every other care seemed to leave his mind as his arm was wrapping around his waist and lucas moved a hand to his arm in order to pull him inside and shut the door. “no no! i’m not busy,” he lied, but the homework he had been working on was put on the back burner for now.

despite having hung out with changmin enough times to not get this way, he still felt so nervous around him. he was… changmin while lucas was just. lucas. nothing special, yet changmin was still coming around to see him. and bringing him food? it was all so much and lucas knew he probably looked like an idiot with how much he had been smiling in the past… thirty seconds. “what did you get?” he asked, hand falling from his arm and back down to his side as he looked at changmin, “do we need drinks? i have drinks. soda, beer, um… many some wine left. we should sit and get comfortable. how was your day?” he rambled, more so from excitement than nerves though. “i wish i had known you were coming… i would’ve… cleaned up,” his appearance and the apartment. he chuckled, fingers pulling through his hair as he kept his gaze away from changmin, “but i’m glad you came over. i missed you,” he admitted, small blush on his cheeks now as the words left his lips.

it’s a reaction changmin expected before he even got here. it’s nice coming home to somebody who seems so pleased to see him -- he’s seen it happen to his older brother and his fiance before, and it actually feels kinda nice -- even if it’s not technically coming home. lucas is so innocent though that changmin almost feels bad for playing him sometimes, but ultimately he chooses to be selfish. they’re both getting something good out of this. lucas is the only one that will suffer later on. 

he hugs him as best he can considering he’s still clutching a bag of food and trying to look up at his face. “you promise? i can just see you tomorrow if you have stuff to do.” but changmin knows all to well that even if lucas is busy, he’ll cancel for him. they all do, always, because isn’t changmin the best thing to have ever happened to them, even for a brief period of time? it’s a pity that he’s aware, because it only makes it easier for him to manipulate his way into lucas’ life. “i stopped by the thai place on my way back from work. i...wasn’t gonna come over, but i remembered you saying you like it, so...” it’s a good thing he’s good at lying. coming over to lucas’ place has been on his schedule for all of the three whole days that he hasn’t seen him.

jordan walked over to changmin and before he could even open his mouth he was already talking. of course. but it was like he knew what he was going to ask in the first place. “yeah…” he responded, moving to sit next to him and an arm resting against the back of the bench behind changmin. “some people dig the raspy voice, but i don’t think it would suit you,” jordan spoke while quickly reaching a hand up to pluck the cigarette from his lips and placing it between his own. he didn’t smoke often, and since being in barcelona he had cut down even more, but when it was offered to him he couldn’t exactly say no. “a lighter would be great, babe,” he smirked, eyebrow slightly arched when spotting the cute pout on his lips. “what’s the pout for, min?” he asked, reaching forward to run his thumb along his bottom lip in an attempt to rid his pout or maybe it was just an excuse to get closer to him. who knows.

hyeon wasn’t the biggest reader, but thankfully he had seen the movie and knew the reference. but still, he could only scoff, knowing that was a lame excuse and highly unlikely. though, he couldn’t fight back the small smile that forced its way onto his lips when the other’s voice shifted higher and louder. it was cute. hyeon was feeling somewhat in control of whatever was going on, but that changed in less than a second as the other was leaning forward and speaking. his heart was pounding and he could feel his cheeks heating up. it wasn’t often that his advanced actually worked. plus, it was changmin. hyeon rarely got speechless… but here he was. all he could do was grin and chuckle, fingers pulling through his hair in order to buy himself some time. “i-i,” he stuttered, causing him to quickly stop talking and clear his throat. eyes finally shifted back to changmin and he took another shot at talking, “i might but…” he paused, giving changmin a very very obvious once over and biting at his lip in an attempt to be seductive. successful? not likely. “you might need to tell me,” he spoke, a little bit too much effort put into sounding charming and flirty, but it was better than the stuttering that he had been doing previously. “or maybe you could show me,” he added, cheeks still burning hot and tinted red, and his own words weren’t helping that. hyeon wasn’t sure if his ‘act’ would work when  his face and his slightly shaky hands gave away the nervousness and butterflies he felt in his stomach. why butterflies? hell he didn’t even know, but he couldn’t deny that feeling.

truthfully, changmin doesn’t expect hyeon to have enough confidence to continue pursuing him, whether he’s doing it seriously or not. he watches attentively and doesn’t bat an eyelid, even when the other checks him out. he’s used to all of that. he just wonders if he’ll bring something new to the table. he’s a little disappointed when he doesn’t, though it doesn’t make his stuttering, his nerves, any less adorable. kudos to him for continuing his flirting even when it appears he’s about to pass out. “cute.” he comments with a tilt of his head, then leans back. changmin has two options here. he either laughs it off like he usually does -- because is it really that smart, flirting with someone in public like this? -- or continues to try and make hyeon nervous. any anybody who knows changmin, knows that he will always take the latter over the former.

ashton had already visited a few other bars and got thrown out of one, so he was definitely not in the right state of mind as he wandered into the next one on the same street. at first, he hadn’t even noticed kijoon behind the bar, but as soon as he spoke, he turned his head in ki’s direction. leaning against the bar as a way to keep himself steady, he kept his eyes on ki and just gave him a drunken grin when they made eye contact. “hey there,” he let out a drunken laugh before messing with his hair, letting it fall over his forehead in a messy way before placing the arm back on the bar. “anything on special? two for one? friends and exes discount?” he laughed at his own joke, finally sitting down on the stool since it was either that or fall on his ass right there. “whiskey, babe.” he finally answered before staying silent for only long enough for ki to get the drink. “how’s… your kid? whatever their name is.” he said, waving his hand as if the question was asked out of politeness instead of actual curiosity.

lucas had been in the same stool for the past thirty minutes or so. he had no idea where his friends had run off to, and he was nursing a glass of water one of the bartenders had gotten for im after seeing him stumble around for a good ten minutes. he may be tall, but he was still not great at handling his liquor. and his drunken state had made him even more talkative than usual. so, when kijoon asked the simple question, lucas was quick to respond… off topic at first. “wow… you are so pretty,” he wasn’t even aware that he had said it outloud until a second later and he was turning bright red. “oh, uh, i’m still working on this water. the other… person,” he hesitated, looking for where they went… or was it ki that gave him the water. he wasn’t even sure at this point. “i have to finish this before i’m allowed anything else. but.. i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol, but it has alcohol in it. is that possible? or is that… impossible?” lucas was slurring his words and talking a little too fast. he paused, giggling at himself before covering his mouth with his hand and turning away from ki. “what would you suggest?”

lucas is cute. even changmin can’t deny that. a little naive though -- the idol had thought he was just plain stupid at first -- with his big eyes and overly trusting nature. if changmin was a good person, he wouldn’t take advantage of him. he wouldn’t let lucas hang around him thinking there will ever be a chance of anything more than a meaningless hook-up here and there, and even more meaningless activities to follow. sometimes he wonders if what he’s doing is wrong, but then he remembers everyone has the right to be this close to someone else, and it’s not like he’s paying for it, so it could be worse.

it’s been a long day of shooting for a new magazine, one he’s not even sure people read yet, but he has to take all the work he can get while he’s abroad. and then, instead of returning to his temporary barcelona home with his brothers, he’s taken a detour to lucas’ place. it’s a lot quieter, and a lot easier for him to leave, be it after telling lucas he’s doing so or sneaking out during the night. the look on the other’s face when changmin tells him to leave his apartment it almost too sad to want to see again.

hyeon had been glancing his way for the past few minutes, avoiding the other’s gaze in order to not seem so… starstruck. he wasn’t going to pass up the chance to talk to him, though hyeon wasn’t well versed in initiating conversations, and the conversations he did seem to have never seemed to paint him as someone that others’ wanted to be around for more than five minutes. still, hyeon found him walking towards him without much more thought with a semi-charming smirk on his face. it seemed to fade though the moment changmin opened his mouth though. raising a brow, his eyes shifted to the cigarette that he hadn’t seemed to take much notice to beforehand, but now that was all he seemed to be focused on. he didn’t know how long he had just been standing there, but it had to be at least ten seconds. “uh… no,” he replied simply, lip tucked between his teeth as he pulled his gaze back up to changmin’s eyes. “might not want to just… sit here with a cigarette between your lips. you know.. if you don’t smoke. people might start to get the wrong idea,” he smirked now noticing the pout on his face, “plus it would ruin your voice, babe.” so close.

Jaekuk sighed, he had to get away from his brother. He was tired of playing the barrier between the two, who can’t seem to stop fighting, at all. Being the middle child was the worst. He sunk down into a bench and groaned, “Family sucks, especially when you work with them.”

*.:｡♦ ⋅ ⋆ — LET CAMILE START OFF BY SAYING THIS : she did not want to spend her friday sitting behind a counter doing almost absolutely nothing. the usual students came in around lunch time & it’s been dead since then. the  i n n u m e r a b l e  amount of times she’s paced down an isle restocking & restocking , playing stupid crosswords on her phone ,& watching the passing people has left her FRUSTRATED. fingers were idly braiding a piece of hair when the door’s bell rang for the first time in forever. ‘ is the street like blocked off , or something ? ’

The girl blew raspberries as the other spoke. “What’s fun about haunted houses anyways?” she said as if it wasn’t such a big deal. Eunji didn’t know how she ended up following Jaehwa into one of his weird hobbies. She took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. “if i die, i’m gonna haunt you for the rest of my life, got it?” she said a bit annoyed. She tried to lok as if this was boring but the girl was actually scared to death. She shook her head and began to walked towards the haunted place. “Of course I got my jacket.” she muttered.

They were tired, classes wore them out to no end, but doubling up was the only way to ensure they’d get done with school quickly, they really wanted to get started on a career. Youngjae sank onto a bench with a loud groan, “I hate school sometimes.”

Woobin plucked the strings of his guitar softly and tunelessly. He was working on songs for his next album and he decided, instead of just rap, he’d add some actual singing on there too. He saw someone walking by, “Hey!” he called, “Can I play something for you?”

Mickey needed his coffee fix now. It was early, he hadn’t slept well last night and he needed to get his coffee or he was going to sue someone. Just when he finally reached the doors of the small coffee shop, he saw people fighting and a face full of disgust replaced his annoyed one. He let out a long and shaky sigh as he waited and almost snapped when someone spoke to him. “yeah but they are ruining everything for everyone” he rolled his eyes. “what happened anyways?”

dance practice was finally over and he was pretty sure that his legs were dead, no longer able to feel them. they all had to get ready for the competition coming up, meaning that he had to push himself  even harder … which is what minhyun did. instead of going to his apartement, the boy decided to go out and let himself fall down on one of the benches, not even noticing that someone was already there. once he did though, laying his eyes on the other …minhyun had no intentions of moving anyway. that would be his death bed.

“ - i’m so sore … do you know anyone who can give good massages ?? i can’t really afford to go to the spa for the third time this week. “

Homework stressed Shikjin out, and so did working on his new song. He was trying to get the last verse of his song to work out and he couldn’t. He ended up crumpling up the paper he was writing on and throwing it across the table. He was mortified when he saw it hit someone, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

…”Are you even hearing what you’re saying?” Mikey spoke out of the blue, clearly interrupting the other person’s conversation. “seriously do you hear yourself when you’re speaking or are you simply stupid?”

         if changmin keeps smoking, he muses, then he’s going to have a voice of a cranky OLD MAN. despite the innate health risks, this has its advantages: first – since no one wants to hear a cranky old man sing, changmin will get less lines, which ultimately means more lines for ohseong. and second – fans will shift their exhaustive concern for his age ( twenty-seven is not old, fuck off ) to his younger brother’s health. sure, that’ll give changmin more attention than deserved, but that’s a SACRIFICE ohseong’s willing to make. it’s a hell of a lot better than being called oppa—unironically, too, mind youI

         but he doesn’t say any of that—it wouldn’t make an interesting conversation. instead, he holds his hand out, palm faced upwards. for a moment, it seems as if he’s asking for the cigarettes his brother has GRACIOUSLY offered, but that’s not the case. he doesn’t smoke ( and unlike changmin, he doesn’t lie ).  “let me borrow forty euros. i know you have it on you.”  and by borrow, he means take and never pay back. but they’re BROTHERS, so it’s okay.

he stares at ohseong while he muses, already moving a hand to his pocket because he knows him better than he knows himself and his brother is right, anyway. he does carry cash around at the best of times. changmin lifts his free hand to remove the cigarette from his mouth and tucks it neatly back inside the pack, picking up his cup of coffee afterwards. he will drag this on for as long as he needs to for ohseong to spend some extra time with him. they’re as close as they can be -- at least that’s what they tell other people -- but changmin doesn’t get half as much attention as he wants.