🌔🌓🌒🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕

i did it again\\

as much as the online method of teaching has slowly eroded the eagerness to study what im studying, a good deal of that is also due to just me asking myself what the purpose of studying what im studying is when every waking day has been a reminder that reality is different from theory. everything and i mean everything we learn is so idealistic but we live in such a dystopian world, i have never ever ever understood the urge to leave this country more than i have over the last few months. i hate how religious this country, not that i hate faith or religion but the combination of our country being overly religious and undereducated is so dangerous and it disgusts me, it revolts me physically and i just hate it.

just want to go back home and not feel so alone. its so annoying cause i have friends to talk to so i feel like there is no reason for me to feel this way but at the same time i am very much feeling this way? i cant think of anything that's missing in my life but affection. i worked on myself, i worked on my health, my grades, ive gone back to playing football, the one thing i love most, so why do i feel worse than before i did any of this? why do i still feel empty, unloved, and just drifting through what seems to be the motions that is life. i went for a party at an Airbnb last night w my friends which anyone would have called a fun experience but why did i not enjoy? why was i the first one to leave the next morning. im so discontent with the level of content i am in my life right now.

itching to go somewhere on my own, when can i make it happen

somewhere in kodai we was tripping