A very "chill" dog

@ya-boi-haru @allmyfiendsrfruit I know. Same.

for me there really wasn't a "getting into" stage for dogs, because i'd always liked them and my family got our first dog when i was 10, so i mostly grew up having one.

there's a lot of similarities and differences between owning a cat and owning a dog. the biggest difference in my opinion is going to be the amount of time/energy (both physical and mental) you have to set aside every day for caring for a dog, as opposed to a cat. your cat (assuming indoor) is probably not leaving your property, with the exception of occasional vet visits or travel. but your dog is likely going to be taken for a walk out in public at least once a day. that means setting aside roughly an hour every day - including days you work, including days with bad weather, including days you're not feeling well. this sucks sometimes! whatever schedule you set up with your dog you'll need to stick to - they'll need their walks and exercise, they'll need to be fed at certain times, they'll need to be let out to potty. get invited for a last-minute hangout with your friends after work? too bad, you gotta go home and take care of your dog. want to do a quick day trip? better get someone to watch your dog for you while you're gone. you'll always be tethered when you have a dog, and for some people that's a dealbreaker.

there's also benefits to having a schedule like that though - it does force you to get up and go outside every day. my doctors are always thrilled when they hear i walk for an hour every day. for me, it's very beneficial for my mental health to have a specific thing that keeps me from sleeping in, and keeps me from sitting inside in my PJs all day. the flip-side is that i can not take a break from it. whether that's a net positive or a negative to your life is something you'll have to consider.

dogs are also, IME, more expensive. especially large dogs. especially vet bills. i'll never have a dog without pet insurance,

dogs also IMO put a lot more pressure on your care and training than cats - like, a cat that's nervous around strangers and dislikes other cats is pretty whatever, they just live as an only cat. a dog that's nervous around strangers and dislikes other dogs has potential to become a major liability - you cannot avoid the public when you have a dog. you NEED to invest time and money and energy and planning into training and navigating the world with your dog.

conversely, a dog that you've gotten well-behaved in public is a goddamn delight. i love going on trips where i can bring my dogs with me, or taking them on hikes and camping. there's something very primal and satisfying about you and your dog exploring the world together.

when it comes to choosing a dog that meshes well with you, that's always going to come down to very personal preferences. e.g., do you want a small dog or a big dog? do you have allergies? do you have other pets? what type of place do you live? what's the climate? how much time are you willing to spend on grooming? can you tolerate barking? do you want a couch potato, an active pet, or are you looking to do sports and work? how much training do you plan to do? do you want a velcro lap-dog or one that's more independent? how many people will this dog be interacting with? are you willing to manage potential aggression? are you prepared for (that breed's) common health and behavior problems? what are your dealbreakers?

for me, i wanted a dog that was low energy, could live with other animals and people, did not have tendencies for aggression or guarding, would not be in my face constantly, and was relatively healthy. those criteria eventually led to me getting my greyhound. after having him for a few years, i was more comfortable with what i could handle and was willing to expand my criteria for a dog that was medium energy and required more training, which is how i landed on collies. collies are an awesome fit for me, and a terrible fit for other people. conversely i have friends with dogs who they absolutely love and fit perfectly with, who would drive me insane. it all depends on what you vibe with!

if you have a breed in mind, or if you're still thinking, i'd suggest maybe seeing if theres a dog show or "meet the breeds" in your area you could attend - it's great to see the dogs in person and get to chat with some breeders, most of them will be happy to tell you if you'd be a good match for their dogs. or if you're looking for a rescue/shelter dog, see if there's any events or volunteer opportunities where you could get familiar with the dogs.

personally i would also recommend against a puppy for your first dog - i know people who have done puppies for their first dogs, and it's totally doable, but it is like triple the time/energy investment so if you've never owned or lived with a dog before i suggest not jumping straight in to hard mode lol. a retired show dog could be an awesome choice, as these are generally adult dogs that are fully trained.

this is long but i hope it gave you some ideas at least? i find the community on tumblr overall quite welcoming so if you have questions feel free to reach out to ppl! obviously anyone is welcome to comment on this post w/ their own advice as well!

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how dog-piling can disincentivize people from doing what is ostensibly being asked for (taking accountability, apologizing, promising to make changes to future behaviour, etc). which sucks, because there are probably well intentioned people out there who deserve all three of those things, but any sort of Statement just ends up dumping gasoline on the fire.

this is because: you are giving the worst people involved the attention they want, you're giving them Fresh Drama Content, and you're letting them know that you can be made to do things. it's not in their interest to say "alright, you've worded things a bit clumsily, but you're on the right track and we think you mean well," because that ends the party.

and if you're thinking, who cares about what randos on tumblr say, your main concern should be acting in accordance to your morals – WELL! if you're a creative whose income is tied to your online reputation, these sorts of campaigns can directly impact your ability to pay bills. which can be very, very scary. and if you're any flavour of marginalized, you probably came onto a site like tumblr seeking community, and the thought of losing that community can be painful. in these cases, the best way to survive a dog-piling is "grey-rocking", or making yourself as boring and non-reactive as possible until their attention shifts to other targets. which means no statements.

Imagine you’re Marissa and a dear friend of yours gets yeeted into space without saying goodbye. And you wonder if maybe he never cared about you as much as you cared about him. If over twenty years of shared laughter and meals meant nothing to him.

Then it turns out his boss forced him into it and also drugged him so he’d forget everything but his scientific skills and knowledge for the sake of the mission. And part of you is selfishly relieved because he did care, he must have, he wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye!

But then you realize he’ll wake up and he won’t remember you. Not your name, not how you met, not the inside jokes you shared, not how you stood by him through the loss of his parents and career and his eventual journey to contentment as a teacher. You do not exist to him anymore.

Is this worse? Can a heart break twice? Is a small part of you glad he doesn’t remember you because then he won’t be hurt by the separation even if the empty chair across from you is going to haunt you forever? Because if he remembered you then he’d remember enough to miss you and he’d cry so much and you can’t comfort him anymore.

But then imagine the beetles return and you’re called up by the powers that be because there is a message for you. You hear his voice again, an apology. For leaving without saying goodbye, for leaving a second time because even though he had a chance to come home he has to save another innocent life, a whole planet full of innocent lives.

He says he remembered you the day he woke up. Before almost anything else. He didn’t remember his own name and yet he remembered yours, your face, how you met, how long he’d known you, how you spent every Thursday in each other’s company.