Stuffed with explosives. Still adorable.

When Death Us Did Part - A!Astarion/GN!OC, A!Astarion/Tav, rated E 500 years post-ascension, A!Astarion is a sleazy nightclub owner in modern Baldur's Gate. Finds himself in a messed-up love triangle with his loyal right hand OC & recently reincarnated elf Tav.

Hope, Love, and Other Pretty Lies - Astarion/F!Tav, rated E A canon-adjacent jaunt through BG3, loosely based on my playthrough with a bard Tav. Astarion's POV.

Sun-Stung - Astarion/F!Tav, rated E Smut! Look-but-don't-touch spiced up with sun kink (it's a thing now, I guess) that snowballs into feral, juicy predator/prey. Part of the longfic above.

A Colossal Mess - Astarion/F!Tav, rated E More smut! Wrapped up in a smidgen of plot, spiced with bloody murder, drenched in feelings. Part of the longfic above.

Home - Astarion/F!Tav, rated E Smut with feelings – or rather, feelings with some smut in it. Sweet sensual loving, weird vampire things, lots of introspection and aftercare. Part of the longfic above.

Too Little, Too Late - Astarion/F!Tav, rated T Astarion and Tav agreed to be friends. Six months after the events of the game, Astarion realizes he wants more than friendship. All the hurt, no comfort.

Close Enough to Bleed - Astarion/F!Tav, rated E Angsty sex pollen fic where everything hurts.

Relationships: Astarion/Tav, minor Astarion/Lae’zel

Note that I'm defining polyamory and ENM as two different things here. These aren't necessarily 100% correct dictionary definitions, but I'm hoping they'll help distinguish between two related but different concepts as I ramble on: Polyamory: Multiple committed romantic and/or sexual relationships. One possible form of ENM. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM): More of an umbrella term that includes any kind of consensual, informed situation that isn't strictly monogamous (open relationships, swinging, threesomes etc).

Halsin's proposition

In Act 3, Halsin can proposition Tav. He seems to be suggesting some kind of polyamory arrangement, where all three parties are active presences in each other's lives. Astarion, on the other hand, instantly dismisses it as just a way of letting off some steam.

Astarion's assumptions make sense in the context of his history. For one, in his past experience any expression of interest equaled sex. As such, sex has been meaningless to him for a long, long time. I suspect it still is, in the sense that to him the act itself is entirely divorced from romance and relationships. It can be a part of them, sure, but sex in itself isn't an indicator of commitment and deeper feelings.

But that's not what Halsin says. He speaks of hearts stirring, not loins. His language suggests a romantic relationship as well as a physical one. He even brings up Astarion's participation, while Astarion himself seems to have zero interest in it. (Tav can "have as much Halsin as you wish", not him too or them together.) This means at least two people of this triad are going into it with wildly different assumptions and expectations, and that's a recipe for disaster. (Ask me how I know, lol.)

Astarion and consent

Then there's the question of Astarion's ability to consent. This is quite a divisive question – understandably so. Can we trust Astarion to be truthful about this, or are we infantilizing him by refusing to take his word for it?

In terms of autonomy, we have to respect his "yes" (and "no"). You can't have this kind of relationship (or any, really) if you don't trust what the other person is saying. But there is a difference between giving consent freely vs. giving it under duress, e.g. to avoid losing the existing relationship. That's where things turn a bit iffy for me.

Duress doesn't always look like smacking someone with an ultimatum. It can be subtle, something that creeps in without any of the parties involved being aware of it, fueled by issues with the existing relationship or with the person who ends up under duress. It could be some kind of power imbalance, or past trauma affecting present judgement. It could be (unacknowledged) fear, insecurity, trampled self esteem. Some of those issues are very much present in Astarion & Tav's relationship.

Take the latter two, for example. Throughout the game, we get glimpses of Astarion's insecurity and self esteem issues. If Tav breaks up with him before his questline ends, his reaction makes it clear that he had been expecting it. At this point in the game, he doesn't see himself as worthy relationship material. Whether Tav intends it or not (or Astarion himself, for that matter), this insecurity gives rise to a power differential in the relationship.

There's also the matter of stakes (hah). After his confession in Act 2, Astarion turns down any poly offers Tav might bring. It doesn't necessarily reflect his opinions on ENM; it's just that being in a single relationship is new and confusing enough to him as is. He doesn't even know what Tav actually means to him yet – and because of all this, the stakes are lower. He has less to lose, because he hasn't figured out what he actually has yet.

By Act 3, that has changed. His feelings for Tav have become more clear. In Baldur's Gate pre-Cazador quest, the threat of his sire looms closer, giving Astarion a hell of a lot more to lose if he angers or upsets Tav. Like it or not, as the leader of the tadfools, Tav has more power than him. Adding it all up, it means that when Tav comes to him with a proposition from Halsin, it is a fundamentally different situation than the Act 2 refusals. The stakes are much higher.

There's also the way this whole matter is raised. Tav shows up to ask about opening up with a lover already lined up. This is a hugely different situation from talking about opening up theoretically. Not one, but two people are waiting for an answer within a short deadline. There's so much more pressure.

Now, to a non-monogamous person, this pressure might not exist at all. It would likely not even register as a potentially coercive situation. And Astarion could very well be non-monogamous! His enthusiasm in the brothel scene post-Cazador certainly shows that he's interested in exploring such things.

However, there is the fact that Astarion and Tav have been in a monogamous relationship until this point. Explicitly so at his request, if Tav asked about dating two people at once back in Act 2. Astarion could be polyamorous, yes – but he could also be some other flavor of ENM, or he could still be unsure what he is at this point, or he might even be leaning toward monogamy. All of those readings are supported by canon material in game, depending on conversation paths and what you choose to prioritize. If he is one of the latter two, the pressure would absolutely be on. And if Astarion already turned down Tav's suggestion to open up in Act 2, or refused to sleep with the drow twins at the brothel, then with each "no" the pressure to say "yes" next time only grows and grows...

One could even make the case that Astarion isn't interested in polyamory (hence shooting down Tav's suggestion of dating someone else in Act 2), but is fine with no-strings flings and categorizes Halsin as the latter. This isn't going to end well since it doesn't quite match what Halsin is actually proposing, but it could be a valid interpretation given what we see in the game. (And a pretty interesting one, honestly... Anyone looking for angsty fic material? X)

To be clear, I don't think Astarion would agree to something he consciously knows he isn't comfortable with at this stage. However, these things have a way of affecting behaviors subconsciously nonetheless, especially if he's still uncertain or overwhelmed by other matters (Cazador).

Spawn vs. Radiant vs. Ascendant

...Which brings me to the post-Cazador versions of this conversation. So far I've been talking about spawn Astarion, but what about radiant or ascended Astarion? Does that change the situation?

It does, in my opinion. Removing Cazador from the situation removes an enormous amount of fear that can and does affect Astarion's decisions and behavior. Comparing spawn Astarion with radiant and ascended Astarion's reactions also offers better insight into his thinking.

I haven't experienced these post-Cazador paths myself (Halsin usually wants to jump my Tavs' bones by Rivington X), but I've checked out videos of them. In both cases Astarion seems more calm and confident once the spectre of Cazador is no longer hanging over his head, although for different reasons. The Ascendant sees sex and even love as tools, not something that can threaten the bond between sire and spawn, so a fling with Halsin doesn't matter. Radiant Astarion has a better idea of what matters to him, along with a deeper trust in Tav and an acceptance of what he can and can't control. If I ever play a Tav who is propositioned by Halsin after the end of Astarion's questline, I don't think the doubts I've voiced here would matter so much.

But if Astarion is genuinely cool with it post-Cazador, doesn't that mean that he's cool with it pre-Cazador?

It's possible, sure – but if he was still uncertain about his needs and desires at that point, or if his insecurities ended up swaying him to make a call without fully thinking it through, the issue of duress still stands.

In conclusion...

Can we definitively say that (spawn) Astarion is consenting under duress in the Halsin situation? No, of course not. Not without actually seeing into his head and reading his thoughts.

Can we definitively say that (spawn) Astarion is consenting without duress? Also no, and that is at the heart of why the situation doesn't feel right to me. There's too much room for doubt.

Now to be clear, this isn't necessarily a problem with the game. Different choices and multiple interpretations is what gives an RPG room to breathe. My feelings as a player aren't necessarily the same as those of the Tavs I'm playing, which turns these moments of ambiguity into interesting opportunities for characterization.

But if we were to try and remove those iffy feelings, I don't think it would require much. It could be done with just a couple of extra conversations and lines in the game: maybe talking about non-monogamy with Astarion before Halsin propositions the player; an option to clarify the expectations around opening up while asking for Astarion's blessing; having a check-in after to make sure Astarion (and Tav!) is still fine with it the morning after the hookup. To me, that would have made a world of difference.