ALT FOR VALTISM

"couldn't really love u anymore" — i love you the most i am able to

"u've become my ceiling" — my love has reached the "ceiling," i can not love you more /pos

"i don't think i love u anymore" — time has passed and i cannot love you any longer

"that gold mine changed u" — a bigger, better person than i am changed your perception of love and your perception of me

"u don't have to hold me anymore" — i don't need you to comfort me any longer, you are not here

"our cave is collapsing" — what we had left of a friendship is diminishing in front of me and i cannot stop it

"i don't wanna be me anymore" — i am not the one you want, i am not the one who you can love. i am trapped in a body that cannot please you

this theory breaks me to pieces because it means, even inches from death, joel couldn't stop projecting sarah onto ellie to cope with losing his daughter. he constantly watched over ellie to make sure she didn't have the same fate and constrained her instead. that's why she blew up on him at the party. it was her last straw as he always was trying to fight her battles instead of letting her stand up for herself. he protected ellie so much because he was terrified to lose another daughter figure again. and him still being stuck in this kind of peril of still missing his daughter but having a completely different person in front of him is so difficult for him that he can't let his daughter go even as he's dying.