that's gay, fellas

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless

“The universal girlhood experience of—“ [LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

your cat was an honor to see in the window

i know you said we ride at dawn but i’m not a morning person actually. can we ride after lunch

do you bet on losing dogs? have you thought about betting on losing dogs? will you bet on losing dogs? when will you bet on losing dogs?

old man in the library got a phone call, someone on the other end says loud as fuck “hey pittsburgh phil what are you up to?” and pittsburgh phil responds “i’m in pittsburgh”

(thinks about something someone said 2 months ago) Fuck you

it's truly insane how much more functional society would be and how much happier everyone would be if every job was perpetually 10% overstaffed (and people who weren't needed could chill and rotate in when needed while still getting paid) instead of 10-50% understaffed but that wouldn't be 'efficient' (in the short term, for shareholders) so fuck everyone I guess

Sleeping poorly is so embarrassing... sorry im grumpy I stayed up past my bedtime. Like a toddler

oks

me and the boys, felsírtam

Flags Mashup Bot is really out here trying to start World War III

the type of characters I like is just "they are super strong and swagful and they got tortured and tortured and tortured and tortured and tortured and tortured and tortured and tortured

I love seeing my mutuals in my notes because it confirms they’re not mad at me. yet

they should invent a headache that goes away the second you drink any water at all