It is a habit that I should read my previous writing before I get to write something new, just for inspiration or to reminisce about what my thoughts and feelings were before. I would say I am exactly where I was praying before. My hunch was correct; God was just telling me to wait while He's preparing the best thing for me. I am thankful that I accepted the job offer from Baste. They serve as a good training ground for me. They offered me many opportunities and room to further hone my skills. They taught me that there is something more that I can do, and I should not be afraid to overcome my fears; besides, thinking that you are afraid to do some things will just hinder me from becoming better. I like that most people there are challenging and encouraging me, pushing me to become better.

Well, for this year, the first big challenge that I had was planning and conceptualizing a month-long program for nutrition month. I was so shocked and stressed, thinking that it's just my first month and you are already expecting me to handle this kind of thing? But I overcame it anyways; it wasn't perfect, but I still slayed it. Next challenge, and I think this will be my problem all throughout the year: I was discovered and became an MC. I tried it once; it was truly embarrassing, maybe because Sir R, as my first partner, makes me feel pressured. I had my second rodeo during the teacher's day. I should have been celebrated on that day also, but I was given a main job :(. My partner was the HR, it was smoother than the first one, and I would say I am getting better. Maybe because I did well during that last one; that's why they chose me to be the MC for our one-week program. IMAGINE THAT'S A PROGRAM FOR ONE WEEK, 6 CONSECUTIVE DAYS TO BE EXACT, AND I HAVE TO SPEAK??!! Then, aside from that, for the Christmas tree lighting event also, I was nominated as the MC. I am not even that good, but they keep on giving me this role. Maybe I should just get used to it; I'll just think of it as a training ground and a new skill unlocked as well. Good job, self!

It's been more than a month since I resigned as a call center agent. I was actually thinking lately that the Lord is once again indicating that my plan will not always work right away. My current situation is another reminder from Him that He has his own plan or timing for me, but I don't know what it is. That is why I have been quite anxious about my career lately.

Not to brag, but I know that I am quite capable. I can ace interviews, and I think I can do well also on demos. It's just that I feel like everything is like a waiting game. I started to apply even before I ended my contract with my previous employer, but until now I haven't signed anything for a teaching position. I was thinking that the delay is too much, and maybe this is God's way of redirecting me. Maybe there is something out there that is a better option/place for me so I applied to a different one. I went there last time for an exam and interview, supposedly, but what we finished was just the exam. Everything is super slow and making me so tense each day, making me question all the decisions that I've made before. My friends are comforting me that I should just use my time now to rest and prepare myself for what's coming, but I really hate to be stocked. I want a job right now so I can do something.

I am also considering becoming an ESL teacher for the meantime, but what's bothering me is my space. In this room, everything is messy. I can't even set up my own; the background is so dirty. I can definitely afford to rent my own apartment. I want it so bad, but I am considering the hassle of moving our things out. What would ninang feel? And all sorts of things. I wish I will be able to clear my head up and finally make a decision for myself.

Time flies so fast. I am down to my last week and three days at Optum as a call center agent. Actually, aside from the fact that I will definitely miss my workmates, the workplace, and my life here in Alabang in general, I am not feeling anything. Maybe I just don’t know what to feel. Or maybe it will be too overwhelming for me again since I will be starting from scratch again.

     I am about to open a new chapter of my life and hopefully this time I will feel nothing but contentment and fulfillment. I know it’s not gonna be an easy chapter again, but so what? We’re all here for adventure and growth and besides, everything shall pass again. There is a little hint of uncertainty because I don’t know what my life will look after I end this career and go back to Calamba but hopefully, it will be as peaceful and comfortable as it is now. I would like to start planning and finally imagine how it will feel like to have a normal day-life. Like I would rush in the morning, similar to normal people. Will end up hating the sun because it’s too bright and hot but would definitely love both the sight of sunrise and sunset. I will go home like a worn-out person at night or will stop over somewhere for a little fun or unwind unlike now, my actual day will start at night. While everyone was rushing home, tired and sleepy, I just got out of bed, had wet hair, and just a simple on-the -way-to-work. I don’t know if it’s fun or if I will like it at all, but I’ve decided that I will switch my career and change my life for the better. Just let me be a teacher Lord and I will be fine. I think one of my best talents is I can adapt so easily. Just let me pursue the thing that I want.

I also know that I will do what I promised to the Lord. I will become a teacher just let me win this. I saw the notification of my previous story as well, and a year ago I posted my anticipation to graduate, right now, I am posting this because I am looking forward to winning another battle.

I remember when I got home on Thursday, inay greeted me with so many tears because he remembers papa. I wanted to cry with her actually but of course, I needed to hold back. We had sinigang for dinner, the most requested dish of Precious. Ate happily with the entire family, filled the night with laughters, and slept with peace (though I was bitten with so many ants).

The entire vacation was another great memory to remember. The hardest part after all is when I needed to get back already. I travelled early this Monday morning because I need to work later tonight. I can't sleep because my heart is so heavy. I am overthinking almost everything. Papa has been running in my head, I miss him terribly. I miss inay and itay. Get so worried about my siblings and how terrible our situation is. Lastly, I don't want to work anymore.

I know that this could be a tough and long journey once again but from the reminder of last year, everything happens for a reason. There could be a moment where you fail but remember that those are just God's way of telling you "that's not for you" or "this is not yet the perfect timing". Work hard and always have a genuine heart. If you truly want to achieve something, work and pray for it, if it's meant for you, that will be yours, certainly!

Knowing how to make sacrifices also contributes to having a more heartfelt success. It's like tasting all the sweetness after all the bitterness. So for this year, if you truly want to achieve a goal, make sure to have a fair share of sacrifices, don't be petty. Work hard for it. In addition, one of the prominent things that you should work on is your license. I know that what you're gonna face toward that achievement can wear you out, you can cry, and you may question yourself at some point, hence, just right now, I want to congratulate you already. Big hugs and just be happy knowing that this journey will be another remarkable milestone of yours. After getting your license, I think you should also work on honing your path towards the life that you really want for yourself, the stable career. Take things slow and certain. Fighting!

For 2023, I am very grateful and happy that I am able to achieve all things that I never imagined that I could. I had the opportunity to finish my internship and demo. I GOT MY DEGREE, Y'ALL. I moved out and became an INDEPENDENT GURL. I got my place, paid my rent, bills and food. I am earning more than I should be and somehow, I am able to buy the things that I want. One of the highlights of this year as well is I get to give some money to ninang and inay and they have the same reaction. I wasn't ready for the tears but I am happy. Papa is missing out a lot especially the comfort that I can offer but hopefully, he is in a better place right now, happily watching above. This year is also his first death anniversary, one of the tormenting event in our lives. Got to celebrate Christmas and new year without him for the second time and we all still have the what if's. We are moving on and still suppressing all the pain but getting better. So for everything that I will work on for this year, surely, I'll always think that papa is just beside me, cheering me on. I also know that he is the greatest reason why I was able to survive this year, every time I am alone, I am just thinking that he is with me, walking with me and comforting me every time everything feels heavy. Lastly, I celebrate the new year with my siblings and I feel like we are all closer. Looking forward to spoiling them.

Papa, I miss you. Thank you for always visiting me on my dreams and reminding me how it feels like to be with you.

Time really flies so fast, now, we are about to celebrate your 56th birthday. I hope you are here to get drunk and dance along with your friends. I wanted to see you again getting busy for the preparation of your birthday. I just really hope that you are still here just so we could celebrate better and I can treat you with anything using my salary. I missed a lot of chances. I never thought that I would miss a lot of opportunities because I thought we would all be together for a long time. I have so many regrets, honestly.

First time receiving calls. It was certainly scary at first, I had my share of mad customers but it doesn't really affect me. It was such a fun experience, I am making great progress and in fact, I was applauded for maintaining the required aht whereas not everyone, even those who had an experience was able to achieve it.

Currently on my second week of training. Everything seems fast but it was exciting, a little scary but I know I'm ready for everything that is about to come.

I was really excited when I got my first atm card and today, I got my first salary. It may not be much yet but considering the fact that I am now paying for my bills and shouldering a lot of expenses I realized that I am truly an adult now. I am also happy and I feel great knowing that I can contribute to Papa's death anniversary expenses.

I think I am ready for adulthood, I can cope well with every situation so long as I am surrounded with great people. All in all, I enjoy the life that I currently have. I just hope that whatever is coming, I'll learn from it.

Today is another first time but unlike the other company I can feel that I totally belong here. I experienced and learned a lot of things from our orientation. I've seen how far better it is when you are part of a more systematic, organized, and well-established organization. I felt the security that I will certainly learn a lot from here. I met another set of people and I am amazed that I wasn't shy to approach people because usually I would really be very very scared and timid in a new environment. I got to "kalabit" strangers, said "hi" and asked their trait and name. I was not even hesitant when I voluntarily spoke and share my ideas during the group activity. I get along with people. I was not awkward and just a little shy. I think, I am being comfortable and challenged here and probably that's a good take for my development.

During the meeting and another contract signing, I met my workmates. They all seem so professional, competent, and serious in life which made me think that probably the environment will really really pressure me. But then, I already told myself not to get afraid of failing and having mistakes. After all the struggles that I have faced I certainly learned a lot of life lessons about it.

Let's not complicate things by thinking too far and creating all sorts of what if inside your head. Just let things unfold on its own, embrace the consequences, laugh about it, learn and tell a great story to inspire others. Every journey is certainly filled with rocky roads but holding on and having the patience and strength will certainly help you to reach a goal. I hope that even though the journey is hard, I'll survive and get to travel continuously. Mabagal man ang usad ay makakarating din sa paroroonan.