flickering sounds

Feel guilty for even being alive and feeling emotion. At the brink of just ending my relationship with my boyfriend because i’m just terrible and i cannot stop lashing out. No one deserves to be at other end of my unceasing wrath. It just feels safer to runaway than to stick it out and have them leave me— which theyre bound to, with the way i’m acting! I just feel so delusional and so isolated and no matter what anyone says i just cant bear to tell them what’s really going on with me??!!! I’m pushing everyone away and i feel so inside out, like everything i’m doing is wrong and i know it but it doesnt matter. Like someone else is steering a car off a cliff into the ocean and i’m just watching helplessly from the backseat

i am hurt

who will love and fuck me right i need some support I need something else something thats not even here maybe it doesnt exist. maybe i dont exist lol jk i wish!

cant stop brainstorming smart ways to kill myself and succeed

i'm sitting on a wet bench and i feel like my heart is so much bigger than it should be and my eyes want to release something much bigger than i am and i wish i could just let myself feel everything everything all at once i feel like i'm losing it i am losing it Losin it losssssiiing it and i want to cry and i want to cut shit open and let it flow i wishhhhhhhhhhh i could just let it go but i've got such a tight seal but its not tight enough its the radiation tanks in japan and theyre oozing into the ocean and i am the ocean but not quite as deep and i know whats inside of me but i'm not 100% certain of anything and i probably have monsters inside of me that i'll never see in reality it's all a mystery and i have dead zones that could resurrect if I would just accept help

i will have more than $1000 dollars in savings by the end of next month but i'm freaking out about accidentally spending $20 at once at the laundromat can u believe this who made me this way cause I love it!!