Being a lesbian is actually so lonely. I'm in college, and I don't know anybody like myself. I have no lesbian friends or family members, and I've never even had a girlfriend. I can't even talk to girls without my social anxiety going through the roof. I know it's pathetic but I honestly don't know how I'll ever be okay and come to terms with my sexuality without having a girlfriend. Everyone is always like you need to love yourself, you can't expect someone to love you without your own self love. And it's always the people with partners telling me this. They have someone they love, and part of me is so jealous and envious because i want that. Why can't that be me? Why do I have to be lonely, single and sad? I want someone to choose me. I want to be desired in someone's eyes. I want a emotional, intimate connection with someone. I just want to be loved..and then there's part of me that thinks I don't deserve to be loved. That I deserve to get ghosted every time. That somehow, this is all my karma and that I'm destined to be alone forever. I deserve all of this.