big dreams only

it seems that i am always yearning for the next chapter of my life. when i was younger i could not WAIT to be in high school and be a big kid. when i was in high school i dragged my feet in the halls and wished for college to rescue me from my small town. my first few years of college, i've enjoyed my time immensely, but part of me is still tugging my heart towards the future. my career, my husband, my kids... all of these unknown potentials in paths criss crossing in front of me, changing as i make just a single decision, it's all moving so rapidly until i stop. and take a moment to just be. to be me. and to live and appreciate everything that is happening because yes the future holds so much but so does NOW. sometimes when i am scared i duck my head and do the work and plow through it to avoid any obstacles. but i want to feel. i want to be able to feel my fear and move past it and look back and say wow i did that. i was terrified of working in an office with complete strangers doing tasks that i have only ever talked about in theory. but i'm doing it. i'm doing it. right. now. i am on the path to thriving and being the best i've ever been. and i want to recognize that i am not there, but i am well on my way.

airports are so magical and big and fascinating to me. can you imagine!! thousands of different life stories all converging in one place and rarely does anyone ever stop to take it all in. to really think about it. the atmosphere of everyone rushing about with all of their life sagas and adventures and anxieties swirling in their heads with no one else paying attention.  i am the star of my own life story, but merely a passerby and background actor to the girl in the red baseball cap and ripped jeans. she may be traveling across the country to tell the boy with the crooked smile that she is, and always has been, in love with him. or perhaps she is holding in tears as she leaves everything she knows behind as she makes a big move. maybe she’s simply flying a few cities over to get to a business meeting. but the things is, i will never know why she is going where she is going. and she is only one! i am so utterly fascinated by the swarms of people around me, each of whom is swept up in their own problems and excitements. as i embark on this amazing new journey of my life, going across the world to immerse myself in a new country, i am sometimes flustered by the fact that i am only one star in the sky. and though i may be only one, i am exhilarated by the opportunity to shine a little brighter.