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Song Of The Day Album: Rivermaya

11:40 PM “When they said, history repeats itself, I wasn’t expecting all of the 20th century in 2 years.” That was a Twitter screenshot I saw in FB and it made me laugh. Obviously, a lot of things happened but lemme sum it up real fast: we spent our 2021 Christmas and New Year on black out with very limited water supply due to a super typhoon; they made the Sinulog festival pretty lame coz of Covid, but hey I know the Cebuanos’ faith are stronger than ever; I got vaccinated coz my Team Manager somewhat tricked me that we're supposed to be back onsite by end of January and that got me the sickest I’ve been, second only to when I got Dengue back in 1st grade, and what do ya know, up until now, we’re still working from home, which I prefer anyway; my nephew Taniel has been gone for almost a year now, his death anniversary will be on March 31st and it’s getting harder everyday, especially to my sister; Russia is invading Ukraine and seems to be succeeding; let’s go Brandon, but seriously, the guy’s speeches are hilarious as fuck; and err, Joseph and I are back together. Okay, you’ll prolly be like, “oh I see, that’s why she’s back to writing a bunch of shit on her Tumblr again.” Well first of all, the you I meant is you, Jami. And second of all, that is somewhat true but I’m also a bit stressed out in general about some things in my life. So don’t judge me Tumblr journal post! Sigh, I’m just getting coocoo in the head prolly. Anyway, my Valentines message for him is cringe but I’m posting it for keepsake  We’re pretty much too early in the relationship, not even 2 months yet, but somehow we’re picking up where we left off. We’ve dated for 2 years long distance and had a pretty easy going relationship, before it all went down and man did it go down with a BOOM haha! Part of me is laughing at myself about the reconciliation in a bit of mockery, coz marupok besh like how my niece would put it hehe, and the other part is simply just hopeful because I do love him. I do wish things were as easy as before, but sometimes there are just certain traumas we have that get triggered from each of us. Although, after we had a heart-to-heart conversation, I do admit I have some faults about what happened too. The guy’s damaged as fuck! Like how he would put it, he’s damaged goods. He thought I was breaking up with him and that we can’t talk forever when I said I was deleting FB. I just got some problems at home and shit and just felt alone while he’s got his own shit to deal with as well, but we both have abandonment issues so there’s that. Huge misunderstanding and crazy timing pretty much. Right now though, we’re holding on, ya know trying it again. I gotta be honest, I am hopeful it will really work out this time. Anyway, that’s it for now. Also, the other picture is recent, been going out with friends a lot this month, it’s always pleasing.

Story Rating: 9/10 Characters Rating: 9/10 Art Rating: 9.5/10 I'm really happy I read the manga first! Tbh, when I started watching this years ago after I finished Nana and loved it a lot I thought I'd watch an anime from the same author, however, I didn't continue after like 2-3 episodes coz I thought it was kinda lame and trying too hard. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled when they mentioned Velvet Goldmine as it is one of my fave movies of all time, but idk, I just wasn't feeling it. Years after, I bought the 20th anniversary edition of Paradise Kiss and read it. Maaan it’s beautiful! It's about the high school girl named Yukari. With average intelligence, she tries so hard to have good grades in order to get accepted into a good college and have the approval of her mother. However, she doesn't have any goals of her own and seems a bit lost in life. That's until she gets approached by a man with a very bold style, to model for their school's fashion show. I really enjoyed the characters breaking the 4th wall, their personal growth, and how Yukari's thoughts were elaborated that it somehow makes you understand her even though I’m pretty sure you’d also get annoyed by her choices sometimes. But hey she's a teen, and teenagers are usually passionate and stupid just like when I was one. Anyway, I tried to rewatch the anime after I read it, however, still couldn't get into it after 3 episodes. I chose the dubbed btw and thought it was pretty lame. There are a lot they skipped that somewhat made the characters interactions kinda unrealistic and unconnected. That's just me though. But on the upside, the end sound track is perfect! It’s Do You Want To by Franz Ferdinand. I'm not gonna reveal more spoilers. I'm just gonna say that the ending was quite satisfying for me, as an adult. If I had known about it before in my teens, I'd prolly be sad. But it's somewhat realistic, some love that came into our life were just no longer good for us and we're better off without it. We must let go even if how intense we think we felt, in order for us to grow. Anyway, the art style is gorgeous and I just love the fact that this manga contains all the volumes!

Song Of The Day Album: Saturday Night Wrist

2:13 PM This is really more like a rant than a journal. Idk if Tumblr had some updates recently or what but I just noticed that all my audios in my profile, or even in the dashboard, don’t work when I’m using my PC! Such a bummer! At least it still plays on the app. I wonder what’s wrong with it though? Copyright shit prolly? I believe I was still able to play it on the computer like 3-4 months ago. Sigh. Does anyone know any site (that’s free) that would stream the audio through direct link other than Spotify or SoundCloud? I kinda hate that they don’t finish the whole song unless you visit the site, I get that it’s biz and all but it just sucks. The current one I’m using is the direct link through OpenDrive and it works perfect on the app. Anyone who knows how to fix it on PC Tumblr, please help. Feel free to comment! 5:18 PM Anyway, still gotta keep up to the premise of my Tumblr, thus, I’m adding 2 pictures. Here’s our senior citizen doggy named Cha-cha. He’s 11 human years old. And he says hi, please send help to my sister’s audio problems, kthanx!

Story Rating: 6/10 Characters Rating: 7/10 Art Rating: 8/10 First graphic novel I picked up in a long time. Like I mentioned before, I used to buy a lot of short kid's novels and comics when I was a child by saving up some of my school allowance, however, I already gave all of it to my nephew as a Christmas present. I was really feeling bored and uninspired lately, but when I happen to come across a YouTube video about manga hauls, I just remembered how much I enjoyed reading those in my early teens and how much a shelf filled with books somehow made me feel satisfied. I know it's only a small thing yet I felt very nostalgic that I decided to start collecting again, both manga and graphic novels that I'd find interesting. Obviously, I'm in the starting part of collecting so I have very few atm. On to the book, I finished Turtle In Paradise and enjoyed it though it's a very short read. It's following a story of an 11-year-old girl named Turtle, realizing at a young age the harsh realities of life, she was sent to live with relatives in Key West, Florida after her mom’s employer refused to have a child stay in the house. It’s the middle of the Great Depression and a lot of things has changed, the city is no longer the paradise her mother used to believe it was... Or maybe, it still is? It's a sweet story about hope, family, and dreams so I'm happy to be able to read it. The characters are so-so and they don’t really have much development, thus, my rating. I learned that there's a novel it's adapted from but I just prefer the comics coz I also like to appreciate the art. It's one reason I bought it after all. I think it has a cute illustration and the pastel colors also add up to the charm.

Song Of The Day The Shape Of Punk To Come

5:21 PM Finally, my shift is over! Gosh it was quite a tiring day! Even if I just sat and faced the computer screen for 8 hours. I guess I got a bit used to how my work was too easy before that now in my new one, it really did feel like a real job hehe. It’s nothing really big of a change than the previous one, it’s just that they increased the volume of audio to be moderated, thus, it has been nonstop since 8 in the morning. I’m not really complaining that much though, still very thankful I kept my job and team. Once all the 15k+ audio in the queue will be gone, it’d be back to easier times, I mean I hope so! Anyway, my body is sore, my head’s been hurting and I’m kinda dizzy. I’m anemic prolly. Sigh. Joy, isn’t it? I’m gonna sleep after dinner, prolly around 7 PM and I guess I’ll wake up again at around 3 AM, just like I did earlier. I need to find a way to reset my body clock to the right time so I won’t get burned out pretty easily. It’s still adjusting to everything, so I hope within 2 weeks, I have a sleeping pattern that works for me. Imma crossed my fingers to that! Currently, I’m just lying around with this cute shark named Sky.

Song Of The Day Album: You Could Have It So Much Better

3:29 PM Today’s the start of my new shift but last night, I went to sleep around 5 AM coz I just got used to it somehow, so on my 1 hour break, I took a nap. Ain’t even a proper nap coz I kept on checking the time. I’m prolly gonna go directly back to sleep after my shift. It’s the last day we’re gonna be handling our current queues. Easiest job I ever had really, it’s bound not to last long. I just hope the new one won’t be too complicated. Anyway, I compulsively bought 2 mangas again today. For real, as much as it does make me happy, it’s also kinda draining my bank account heh. I should learn to balance it. I just get a bit scared every time I found a title that I like that’s been out of stock for a while get posted at a cheaper price. I felt like I might lose an opportunity to have it in my small collection and read it. But yeah, what’s done is done. Can’t hide the fact that I’m quite excited to read them all! 4:44 PM First 3 pictures were throwback of me on the year 2015, when I turned myself blonde. Had a day trip in Camotes Islands with former workmates. Late 2014 was when I learned the news that my bf at the time died due to hit-and-run. Killed at 28 years old and left to die on the dark streets of Oceanside by a drunk driving marine corpsman. I didn’t really meet Philip in person coz he’s from the US of A but we were “together” for quite some time and made plans on meeting up, getting married, ya know those kinds of shit. I do remember him fondly. I found out about the tragic news through his mom. When he suddenly stopped talking to me without us having any previous fight, I just assumed he found someone else. Of course I wanted explanation but I thought you can’t really force people to give it to you, even if it’s the least you deserve. I refused to believe something horrible might’ve happened to him, although, I had felt it I guess weeks before and even told him about it. That something bad might happen to him. He assured me he’ll be fine though, he always tried to. Anyway, more than a month passed, I was heartbroken but somewhat accepting things between us, but then I received an email from his mom. She said she found a paper with written email addresses and passwords when she was cleaning up his place. She tried to log in and there she found my contact. Thus, we talked about what happened and what’s gonna happen to the guy who did it. That night on September 21, 2014, Philip texted me he was gonna ride his bike around, it was prolly quite late in his time while still mid-noon in mine. He said he loves and misses me so much, that was his last message. You know, it’s funny, in a cruel way, that even there was a CCTV footage of the suspect getting out of his Green Kia Soul to check what he had hit that night, even the police said the body was apparently moved, and there was a witness who heard everything, the guy was out on bail and pleaded not guilty. I think the court hearing ran for over three years, I can only imagine the pain his family went through attending it and reliving the same pain all over again. So I kinda understood why they just want it to be over, forgave him and try to move on from it as much as they can. Last update his mom gave was that the judge didn’t even rule to their favor, so apparently, the guy didn’t experience jail time and now a free man, prolly still a navy medic ironically enough. Philip was cremated and his ashes were scattered at sea with beautiful flowers, a lot of friends and family attended the ceremony. I’ll always appreciate how his mom took the time to share these pictures with me. He was a good surfer, funny, a gentle soul, and over all a great guy. We met in Tumblr of all places lol! Bonded over the band Tool, South Park shit, gif of a fat cat trying to push its way out a tiny pet door, and a bunch of odd conversations. I loved that guy a lot. May he rest in eternal peace.

Song Of The Day Album: The Wild Youth

10:46 PM Today is my mom’s 65th birthday. She was visited by her closest sister, cousin, and sister-in-law. She got emotional pretty easily. We had a small celebration and sang in the karaoke, which is always fun in my opinion. She mostly just listened to everybody’s chatters, about their lives and the issues they have with other relatives. Makes me wonder somehow if she’s always been like that even before she got sick. Maybe not, but I don’t really remember for sure. Here I am reminiscing about the past again. I guess a lot of things drastically change a person, may it be experiences, influences, old age, illness, or medicine... That’s it, right? However, I guess the core of being the real her will always remain. More than I’d like to admit, I thought we have a lot of similarities, my mom and I. That the things I found annoying about her were prolly qualities I have in myself as well. It’s strange how life works. That we’re supposed to figure it out and ourselves through mirroring to others outside of us, mostly through people who stir up intense emotion within us. So it’s better to pay attention to such, and ask ourselves the reason why we’re feeling that way, without pointing the blame or being biased, but simply understanding in a transparent manner. But really, what the hell am I talking about? Idk.. Anyway, we received a news at work yesterday that our queue will be dissolved and its last operation will be tomorrow, Monday at 5 PM. We won’t lose the job fortunately but some of us will be regrouped into different teams. I’m sure we were all heartbroken, especially our team manager. I believe we all have gotten closer somehow, and besides, it kinda sucks adjusting to a different team again. And I gotta say, our TM is such a great leader and guy that we all want to stay under him. I was really nervous when I heard it and prayed to my God that I’ll be one of the few to remain in his team. I was worried coz I’m kinda new and just got hired January of this year. It’s not like it’s face to face where I could see them everyday but I have met most of them a few times; when we went to Bantayan, to my TM’s birthday, and just recently to my TM’s daughter’s 7th birthday. It happened Thursday, then by Saturday, he brought up the news with us. Sigh. Luckily though, I am chosen to still be under his team! Thank God! You don’t know the relief I felt when I saw my name in the list! We don’t know the specifics of our new job just yet but I hope it will not be too complicated. But either way, I just hope I’ll be able to do it well. Oh and yeah, I’m starting to collect graphic novels and manga. Actually, I’m getting broke because of it but it somehow makes me happy. I used to buy a lot of those short kid's novels and comics when I was a child (by saving up my school allowance) but I already gave all of it to my nephew. Now in this pandemic, I truly became so uninspired but when I happen to come across a YouTube video about manga hauls, I remembered how much I enjoyed reading those in my early teens and how much a shelf filled with books somehow made me feel satisfied. I know it's really a small thing but I felt very nostalgic that I decided to start collecting again, both manga and graphic novels that I'd find interesting. Obviously, I'm in the starting part of collecting so I have very few atm. Maybe I’ll post here the ones I’ve read so far, with a bit of thoughts.

Song Of The Day Album: Infections Of A Different Kind Of Human

1:59 AM I had a dream, it happened a while ago but I can still remember it pretty vividly til now. It was of my late nephew, Taniel. That night, I was missing him so much and was sad over all about circumstances I just don’t have any control over, I cried myself to sleep. I think it was a few days before or after my birthday. In the dream even, there was some sort of celebration going on, everyone, including me, was busy somehow. Then, he caught my eye. Him in his early teens, with short hair, just standing by a corner, observing everything. I stopped what I was doing and immediately recognized he is dead but I pat his head. I started to get teary so I went to continue whatever I was doing. Then, it cut to me stopping by to see him again and this time I went for a hug. I’m pretty sure I am bawling when it happened. I woke up with a tight chest and some tears, but I can’t really explain the feeling of peace that I felt back then. He was always such a sweet kid, I know it was his way of comforting me, of letting me know that he’s always gonna be there. Always. I took it as a promise that I know would never be broken. That no matter what happens in life, I know he’s always gonna be there waiting for me/us on the other side, by then, we will meet again. That goes for my dad too. I wanted to share that dream to my family, especially to my sister and her husband, as well as share with them my interpretation of it but somehow, idk how to start. I mean I did tell them about it the next day but I was kinda vague. I just didn’t want them to be emotional. Idk, maybe I just don’t want to be emotional myself. Coz I know I will be. And maybe, they already have the same take as I do about the dreams they have with him, I just hope it gives them some comfort as it does to me. Grief will always be there, but hey what else can we really do about it but face it headstrong, clinging to that sliver of hope to the promise of meeting again someday. 3:23 AM Lemme insert pictures of my face, it has nothing to do with anything other than narcissism prolly. Anyway, this was taken May 16th of 2021... It’s September! And Christmas is starting in the Philippines. Quiet and a bit sad, with whispers of prayers for all those we have lost since this pandemic started. They are well-remembered and loved. More importantly, for us that are left behind, may we continue life and somehow find a way to uplift our spirits, and let Jose Mari Chan finally sing his song in our hearts...

Song Of The Day Album: Warmer

8:21 PM I've been experiencing lots of hair fall lately and I think it's because of insomnia, recurring headaches, and over all bad habits. Sigh. But anyway, my sister and her husband are staying with us for almost a month now. We have also already told my mom that my nephew is dead, for more or less 3 months had passed. It was heartbreaking but freeing at the same time. We were all carrying the guilt of not telling mom that he's dead, taken from us at the young age of 16, but we just wanted to respect my sister’s wish and I think it’s better that mom hears the news from them in person than from us while they’re far away. It would’ve made my mom worry even more and it might worsen her health. But I believe mom had some idea because she dreamt of Taniel, my nephew, the very night he died. She said they were playing tag and he’s laughing how she’s always the one chasing him. We just looked at each other when she said that, unable to do anything at that moment. I guess he just wanted to tell us he’s alright and that we shouldn’t worry. But even so, we will always grieve. Today, tomorrow, some of the time, there will always be sadness but hey, he will also be remembered fondly.  And you know what else, the second day from my sister’s arrival, they were cleaning up my mom’s closet and found a note my nephew had written when he was a kid, prolly it was for mother’s day, the folded piece of paper says, “smile before you open” then inside was written, “don’t cry I’m ok.” Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?! Like I didn’t cry when the tragic news first came to us, it’s prolly coz of disbelief too but I really tried to remain composed, but when I heard my sister say it, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. We were in the middle of lunch and I just had to leave coz I couldn’t stop my tears. He was always such a sweet kid. Even after death, he was trying to give us comfort and ease, especially to his mom who’s needing it the most. As I am writing now, I still couldn’t help my tears to flow. Ya know I thought, that after all that’s happened, they are still quite lucky they get to experience each other. They had such humble lives and even if they’re not rich, they were living harmoniously and that they were truly happy. My bro-in-law was a hardworking farmer, my sister a responsible, sweet wife, with a kid that was respectful and loving. They were living simply but contently while having such high hopes for the future. That was it. They had a life a lot of us prolly didn’t even get a chance to experience or are still working to have that experience in this life time. I didn’t mean the exact circumstance but the feelings, the love, and the energy. The mere essence of family ya know. And that’s lucky. Even for a wee while, that’s lucky.