Ars longa, vita brevis

Step 1: Admit to yourself you still have feelings for this girl: “I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.”

Step 2: Choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club. And get shot down on purpose.

Step 3: Agree that you two don’t work, locking the door on any future you could have together, “I’m done trying to get you. I can’t do it anymore,” which will drive Robin nuts.

Step 4: Robin goes nuts.

Step 5: Find the person who annoys Robin most in the world and ask for her help. Explain everything to Patrice and hope she agrees to help.

Step 6: Check with your doctor about possible broken ribs.

Step 7: Pretend to be dating Patrice.

Step 8: Wait until Robin inevitably breaks into your place to find The Playbook and show it to Patrice, which you’ll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in your apartment.

Step 9: After Patrice finds The Playbook, have your first big fight.

Step 10: Prove your loyalty to Patrice by burning The Playbook. And actually burn it. You don’t need it anymore.

Step 11: Because your friends have no boundaries, they’ll inevitably have an intervention for Robin, which you’ll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in Marshall and Lily’s apartment.

Step 12: Tell only Ted about your plan to propose to Patrice.

Step 13: Wait and see if Ted tells Robin, and if he does, it means your best bro in the world has let go of Robin and has given you his blessing.

Step 14: Robin arrives at her favorite spot in the city and finds the secret final page of The Playbook, the last play you’ll ever run.

Step 15: Robin realizes she’s standing underneath a mistletoe.