so long!

I love it when people tell me bad things The Beatles did when I say I’m a fan, I have to sit there like I don’t know everything about them.

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

Your friend’s unpublished fic idea is kind of a dead wife

i also want to read this guy’s dead wife

it's always two distinguished gentlemen saying precisely to each other

Would anyone like to support my life style or am i to freakish and strange

Please give us your data 🥺🥺🥺🥺 For the children 😢‼️ all of your legal information 🙏🙏 yes 🥺 your home address? 🥺 Your government issued ID 😢❓social security number and credit card details 🤗 immigration status ❓ racial religious and gender identity 😁😢😢😢⁉️ please 🥺 did you get an abortion this year 🥺 please give us your personal information 🥺🥺🥺🥺 for the children‼️‼️

I cant wait to marry one of my mutuals im just not sure who its going to be yet...nervous

People are unfazed if you hate women but if you dislike dogs they assume you're a bad person

hahaha alright dude take it easy see you later

it's milk a mutual monday

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub