just breathe

From the very beginning you said you wanted to show me what it’s like to be loved and you held true to that - by showing me exactly what it’s like not to be.

I haven’t cried that hard in my sleep in months. Today literally just started and I am so exhausted

My heart hurts so bad today. It’s been 5 days since my cat ran away. He was the last piece I had of my life as I knew it and the more it soaks in, the more it hurts. I don’t think I can handle any more losses. I am so tired.

I hope that one day I get the chance to tell you how much of a hole you create in someone’s heart when you leave without an explanation

Hahahahahahahahyoureallydontcareaboutmeahahahaha

I begged you so many times to leave me alone if I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. I begged you. Just cut the ties if what you wanted was no longer me. But yet it’s my fault that I couldn’t give you the space you needed. I’ve apologized so many times. What about my apology for you sleeping with someone when you made me think we were fixing things and leaving the past behind us? I tried to tell you I’d be your friend if that’s why you needed. But you said that’s not what you want. I tried to cut the ties if that’s what you wanted. But somehow it’s still my fault for not giving you the space you asked for. I accept so much responsibility but how is it that you look at me with such anger for my reactions but I look at you with such forgiveness and compassion for yours?

I helped you get the tools to become the person I saw you wanted to be, and then you left.