Subject Ragnar

We’ve been looking at each other for the last five minutes. After calling on Lorcan Beithioch I found myself back in the familial home of a family I was slowly becoming apart of. They are a strange people. Superstitions, myths, stories were their air. Lorcan is a proud looking man, I keep forgetting how young he is in his own way, I also keep forgetting he has lived through enough hardships to not judge him based on how young he looks.

Today he’s dressed in some of the clothing Olivia had made him. I think he takes pride in how he looks, just when I’ve seen him fight, half covered in blood and chanting in dead languages, I again forget he can clean up well. His steady calm made me wonder though.

A few days ago, I finally understood something. Months ago Lorcan lost his soulmate, she had died days after they had met, it was a pain I feel in my own heart. A few days ago, I felt the same thing happen. Thankfully Alice returned, she will always return and I’m proud to know that. Still for what was a minute or two I felt the endless loss of half of my soul. It’s a magic deeper than my curse, and I felt sick to my stomach. I know if she hadn’t returned, I would be dead.

So how is Lorcan still alive?

Putting down my glass of mead I know I have to say this slowly, to not startle the boy. Alice is worried he’s planning saving his family then killing himself. That is a lot of strength, maybe I’m weak, if I am, then I admire him for living on with out her.

“How have you been?” I asked starting a feeler for our conversation.

The young man’s eyes, those bright blue silver that I see in his distant cousin locks on me. Only difference is he has more emotion than she does. “I’m am well. As well as can be expected.”

Running my tongue over the edge of my teeth I taste the words on my lips before I ask. “I need to be bold Lorcan. We’re both blunt men.”

Before I can finish, I think he’s expected this conversation to happen. One moment I'm going to speak before his accented voice rushes in and steals the conversation. “You want to know how I’m still alive after Valentine was murderd.” He said his voice sharp, and his expression focused. It’s like looking at a wolf who’s feeling you out. In that way, I could say that is something we’re both doing.

“Exactly.”

Taking a long breath, I see him ponder something. His eyes darting over to the corner of the room before they soften. “Alice kept all those souls... It’s, not something I’ve ever seen before.”

“We both know she’s special.” But I don’t want to talk about my Mate, I want to know how Lorcan is alive. “When she died, that moment when she wasn’t there, I felt it... I was going to kill you, then myself. I’ve been trying to figure it out. You said it’s been hard... but to me that would be a place of insanity.” My voice lowered as I made sure to catch his eye. “How are you still alive Lorcan? Are you alright?”

His mouth turned into a small frown before he shook his head. “I’m not, but I took a path I don’t think you’d approve of.”

“Try me.”

The challenge was launched and he looked back to me as if caught. Shifting in his seat he nodded. “I kept her... I have Valentine’s soul.” He touched his chest as he looked up to me. “She stands beside me as a spirit. I still feel the loss, but it’s not the same as her being fully gone. I’m not sane, I’m not alright... but I’m going to be.”

If I had been told this months ago, I would have been worried about him. But feeling where he is. Feeling the death of someone you can’t breath with out. I leaned back in my seat watching him. “No.. I understand completely. If I had your magic,” It was strange to admit this, but I do, because it feels so true. “I would have done the same.”

“You’re lucky yours can come back.” Lorcan said quietly before looking over to the corner of the room. I looked as well and guessed he must be looking at Valentine.

“I’m glad you’re able to find a balance.” I said looking to the corner. But I made sure to be clear for Lorcan. “I can’t see her, I’m just assuming.”

The young man nodded to me and let out a long breath. Some weight he had been carrying was lifted, I could see it the way his shoulders loosened. “We’re going to find her a new body. Someone who isn’t doing any good for this world, that way we’ll be making some, good. Selfish good, but good.”

His explanation was lost for a moment on me. My mind was diving into questions I hadn't considered. Alice is going to live for hundreds of years. This human body, I’ll be luck to get over a hundred. It would be such a waste to take away her long life. I know if I did die, she would be quickly ending herself. We both know we’re not strong in that regard.

I feel horrible knowing I will be ending her life short. It’s not fair. 

My pondering seemed to be noticed as Lorcan continued to talk. “Then we’re going to go on a horrific rampage destroying the world together.”  He noticed me looking up then smiled. “The last part was a joke. I think I lost you there.”

“You did slightly. I thought about how it will feel for her when I get too old and die.” I said quietly as I picked up my mead. I needed the sweet sting to mull over what I’m thinking.

Lorcan stopped his expression blank but focused. “Well... Yeah that... that’s going to be hard.”

But I shook my head. The thought that Alice would have to feel this was too much. “I’m not going to condemn you. Either of you.” I said looking in the direction where Valentine must be. “You’re doing the smartest option after a horrific thing happened.”

“Alice isn’t going to like me though.” Lorcan said, and he was right. Before I had felt this, both her and I wouldn’t have understood. But I do. I can help. 

“Let me speak to her. It’ll be slow. She’s going through a crisis of faith. But knowing you’re not going to kill yourself was her main worry.” I reached up and rubbed my chest. The echo of the memory was still there. “I think after all of this, she might understand. Just... let me speak to her.”

Lorcan smiled a bit again looking more relaxed than I had seen him in months. “Alle and Olivia know.”

Of course they do. Olivia would be over the moon about a romantic story like this. Alle, well, the Duchess is a strange woman, normal morality doesn’t seem to be a thing for her. Speaking of Alle though, I had one more trip to take today, but knowing this, knowing that another soulmate couple weren’t suffering. It brought me a small amount of peace. If they can cheat the system and be together, then Alice and I have that chance as well. I just need to get her on board with my research of options to make me live as long as her. I don’t have much magic on my side, but I do know a man who might know... My Father. Both of them.

You know... I could see it for him. Like Father like Son.

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