ambrose eliot abrams.

Everything that Ambrose said drew Ahsan closer, grounding him, allowing him to come more and more out of the funk he’d found himself in. The way he felt wasn’t totally fixed, but it was manageable, having Ambrose’s presence and reassurance. Leaning forward, Ahsan took both of his Submissive’s hands in his own, pulling the other man closer so that he could place a long, passionate kiss to Ambrose’s lips. His hands released the other man’s, only to travel up his chest, arms, and back down to his waist, the Dominant’s fingers gripping his hips as he continued to kiss him. Pulling back, he studied the other for a moment before raising his hands again to speak. I love you, Ambrose. I want you. I need you. Like I said, I knew it the first time we spent the night together. I knew it the first time we kissed. The first time you knelt for me. The moment you gave me your virginity. And every moment since has only confirmed it. I do sometimes want to just be Ahsan and Ambrose, but I do also enjoy the lifestyle. We need it biologically. But that doesn’t have to mean 24/7. We can do both. We’ll work it out. I just…Want to make sure we’re on track to get approved, because I want to put in for our claim as soon as possible. Right now, though…I just want you. I only want you. Hold me. Kiss me. Make love to me. I only need you. 

I mean, Sir Ahsan is a whole meal already. I was going to say snack, but that wasn’t satisfying enough.

THEAMBERROSE POSTED:

The words hit Ahsan like a ton of bricks, his heart stopping yet beating rapidly simultaneously. After several moments, the Dominant brought a hand up, mirroring the sign directly against the Submissive’s own. Their hands stayed there, mirroring each other in their sign and expression of love as Ahsan looked into his man’s eyes. I mean it too, Ambrose. He signed once he allowed himself to move. The feeling of Ambrose’s hands against his skin helped to ground the Dominant, and he leaned further into the other. He allowed his hands to be guided, squeezing Ambrose’s own. I want that too, Ambrose. I want to claim you. I’ve been yours since the first night we spent together. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Ambrose. Never. And I never will. I just want…To give you everything. Everything. I want to start working towards a claim, but I know that there are a lot of things that have to happen before that gets approved. And even though I’m a Dominant, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll say or do the wrong thing. That I won’t make you happy. That you won’t want to be with me anymore. You know that to get into a claim, the Headmistress has to see evidence of us in the lifestyle. Working together. Working together in our rules. I…Do you want that? Do you want to explore the dynamic more? I…What do you want, within the claim? What do you need from me? What can I do to make you stay?

Just be you, that will make me stay. Without skipping a beat, he added out loud with no sign. “My Ahsan. Be my Ahsan.” His hands roamed along the other man’s arms again after he repeated the man’s name through the use of the name sign he’d given him that was a combination of eye and beautiful, running from the shoulders down to the wrists and back again before lifting to sign again. I don’t need anything in particular. I’ve never really been swayed one way or another. I understand the lifestyle, I can definitely behave well enough to prove that we’re worthy of a claim. I can be tested, with you. For exams too, we would get A+. But I don’t need anything but you. I know this. I feel like... you’ve opened my eyes to more of the world. I don’t feel like I have to be one specific way anymore, the perfect Submissive. I can be that, and when I am that I want to be submitting under you, but I don’t need to be that. I remember what you said about wanting to be Ahsan sometimes, not always Sir. I understand that better now, I think. We can do both lives. Or just one. Or neither. As long as I have you, I’m happy.

Ambrose’s fingers running through his hair felt like heaven, better than anything he’d felt in so long. Ahsan looked up at the man, eyes wide as he took in what was being said. In theory. My mind and body just aren’t connecting right now. I’m sorry. I can’t express how grateful I am to you for being here. For doing all you’re doing. And putting up with me. We will? You- Ambrose- do you- You want me to claim you? Do you mean that? You said…That’s the sign for I love you. Is that what you’re saying, Ambrose? Am I right?

Yes. I mean it. I love you. Again, he let the sign hang in the air. Then he leaned in to steal a kiss, quick, hands caressing both sides of Ahsan’s neck. If Ahsan wanted to hold him and couldn’t make his body do it, Ambrose would help. He took both of his Sir’s hands in his own, lacing their fingers and squeezing before drawing those hands back behind himself, placing them on his lower back, then letting go. Ahsan would have to let go to keep talking with sign, but that was okay. Ambrose would put those hands right back a thousand times. I want you to claim me too, I meant that too.

Ahsan was standing in the kitchen when Ambrose entered, leaning against the counter with his head in his hands. Depression was something he’d struggled with for his entire life, but more often than not he was able to keep things in check. Recently, that hadn’t been the case. He felt bad, and guilty, about exploding on the dash as he had. But, in moments when things weren’t in check, he could become rather impulsive. It hurt, thinking he might have genuinely hurt or upset Ambrose in some way. The only person who had been there for him, despite his status and his former party boy lifestyle. When he was lead to the couch, he wanted to wrap Ambrose in his arms, to hold him, to cry, to do something. But, all he could bring himself to do was sit. He nodded at Ambrose’ words, taking a few moments to formulate his own response. You are. Thank you. I just…I don’t know. I want to cry but I can’t. I want to scream but I can’t. I want to hold you, but I can’t. I feel useless. All of this is just too much. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not good enough for you. 

Now placed in Ahsan’s lap on his own accord and free will, Ambrose ran his fingers through the other man’s hair as he signed to him. His expression told how concerned he was. You can do any of those things, and you can do none of those things. It’s okay, we’ll get through this. You’re more than good enough, you are the sweetest man I know. I want you to claim me. I love you. He let that sign hang in the air.

PM: I know. You’re so sweet. I just don’t want to burden you, Ambrose. You’re so happy, and you do so much. I know that I see you every day. It’s not that. Maybe I just don’t know how to explain it. Maybe I want more. Maybe I want something you don’t. I don’t know. I need…I don’t know what I need anymore. I’m just having a hard time. That sounds good. My door is open to you. I just want…I don’t know. I just want you. 

Ambrose ran, he did not walk, to Ahsan’s suite. He’d only been gone for two minutes prior to getting the PM, and he’d only been gone to get some food for their dinner. With a few spices and ingredients in hand, he made his way back into Ahsan’s suite, dropped everything in a chair without a care, and found Ahsan, took him by the shoulders, led him to the couch, sat him down, and positioned himself in his lap. I’m here. I want you too, my Ahsan. My Sir. Tell me what you want, my sweet angel. I’m here.

Hey, Ambrose. It’s okay, I’m alright. I’m just feeling the weight of a few things right now. I’ll be okay. Thank you for asking, good boy. 

PM: Are you doing okay? I feel like I haven’t seen you as much recently. Maybe that’s just my mind playing tricks on me. 

PM: You can talk to me, if you want to let go of some of that weight. I want to be here for you, to support you and help you. Maybe it is your mind, but we can talk about why you feel like that even though you see me everyday. What do you need? I want to see you happy. Let’s go sit on the couch and lay down and cuddle.

They say that as the seasons shift and warmer weather begins to move in, the blanket of SAD and seasonal depression is supposed to begin lifting. I don’t know if it’s connected to what has been going on lately, or if it’s something else, but it seems that even the warm, inviting weather has done nothing much for the fog I’ve found myself in recently. I don’t know that there was an overarching point to this, other than for me to express myself a bit, in a way I don’t normally. Either way, I hope everyone is getting the chance to enjoy the warm, beginning-of-Spring weather. ​

Ahsan. What can I do?

THEAMBERROSE POSTED:

OMG it has, like, def been a while! I know I’ve been supes quiet, but I’ve really been working hard on keeping up with my grades, and all my activities. It takes time and dedication to succeed, and that’s a fact! I def hope everyone is doing super-duper well! I know I’ve missed a lot, and there has been, like, a ton going on, but I’m supes happy to see everyone still here! For anyone who’s interested, which should def be everyone, we’ve got a Dance Team Competition this Saturday! It’s the first one of the season, and it’s going to be supes rad! Let me know if I’ll see you there!

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Do you guys need someone to come and take pictures? I could do that. I think it would be fun. Either way, I’ll come see.

“Hi yourself, sweetheart. That’s a good thought, I really like it. I would cherish the chance to bake with you, Ambrose. I’ll bet you’re doing everything right, but I could also teach you a few new things if you wanted? Some things my mom and grandma always made for us. You are so sweet, come here. I need to kiss you, first. How have you been doing? I see everything you’re doing with the ASL Club, you’re so great. A natural born leader, my sweetie.”

“I have so many kisses for you, Ahsan.” To sign the other man’s name, he spelled it out like he always did and then for the first time he also made the sign for beautiful but only over one eye afterwards. To make sure he got it, he pointed at Ahsan and then did it again. Then he leaned to with a smile for a kiss. Both of his hands came up to frame the other man’s face and he let the affection linger for almost a full minute before leaning back enough to sign. I love you. “I would love to be able to cook like your family, I want this place to feel as much like home as I can make it feel. You’re so sweet to me. Thank you, baby. My sweetheart. You’re so sweet to me.”