Stupid Job Post

Sup? Could you help us find our next Millennial Super Fans with your party tricks?

Love the inside of an office? Then stop reading. Now! We’re looking for a sales Rockstar. And it might just be YOU (yes, you) we’re after.

Our current web platform has hockey stick growth but we are looking for someone to take this to the next level.

Do you have a dog eared copy of ‘Secrets of the JavaScript Ninja’ beside your bed?

Are you incredibly organized? Does a beautiful list send chills down your spine

***Payment in equity until funding***

Are you a Rails swat ninja global superstar? Are you gaga for GitHub? Pirouette in Pivotal? Tippy for testing?

if you are into fitness, cars, guns, muscles, or anything of the sort then let's talk!

You may know Bad-Ass Rock Star Tech like the back of your hand, but if you don’t know how to rebase, we’ll still cringe.

It helps if you're a sponge, particularly the kind of sponge that thrives in freshwater, salt water, warm currents and ice floes. In other words, a superhuman sponge.

If Michelangelo had his Sistine Chapel, then you have the internet. With one hand on a mouse and the other on a keyboard, you create the world’s next masterpiece. And just like Michelangelo, you have a shell on your back. Oh, wait.

You are a DOM-savvy, SASS-fluent Javascript maestro who has considered naming your pets after CSS display property values.

If ’Swift’ makes you think object-oriented programming and not Taylor, it’s time we talked. And not just about your taste in pop music.

“Trollin’ on social media, booze cruising around Manhattan, or simply buying AdWords- it doesn’t matter to us how you get users to utilize your product.”

We’re holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night. They’ve gotta be fast and they’ve gotta be fresh from the fight. The fight for scaleable web apps, of course.

Why us? We’re awesome. Come and be awesome with us. (Or at least near us.)