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The resulting silence was the only answer you needed, but Shinobu tried anyway. “Yes, Y/N. I was unable to salvage your left eye.”
There was another pause, before the doctor spoke again, quieter. “Forgive me.”
Your hand lifted to the left side of your face, but your fingertips — bruised and aching as they were — met only a thick layer of bandages.
“A mirror,” you croaked, fingers curling beneath the edges of your facial wrappings. “Please, bring me a mirror.”
There was a pause as both Sanemi and Shinobu exchanged a wide-eyed glance.
The gentle way Sanemi said your name made your eye well with tears. “You’ve only just awoken —,”
“I want to see it,” you winced at the way your voice cracked, unable to overcome the growing lump in your throat. “I need to see it.”
“Your facial wounds are still healing,” Shinobu crossed the room to sit beside you on a small stool stationed at the foot of your temporary bed. “Sanemi was able to help speed up the healing process, but you still have stitches — it’s best to keep your bandages in place for now.”
What little breath you’d clung onto wheezed from your lungs. You’d suspected your eye was gone; you’d known as much back in the Wood, though your memory was little more than befuddled tangle of brambles. And you’d known you’d sustained some degree of injury to your face — after all, you’d felt yourself be torn open by Sanemi’s claw after you’d so stupidly gotten too close.
But it should’ve healed; just as your other wounds had, thanks to him.
“B-but, Sanemi —?” You turned to your mate, the Huntsman’s grave expression swimming into view as your right eye struggled to adjust to the shift in the light. “I thought — I thought you —?”
One heavily bandaged hand drifted to your mouth, touching the pads of your fingers to your lips in silent question.
The Wolf’s expression was that of utter torment. “I did, Y/N, —“
“You could not heal me?” You whispered brokenly, your hand falling limply back to your side.
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PEACH! Do you think the first time you’re with Sanemi intimately he is scared to hurt you? Maybe not hurt but more like doesn’t want to mess up, un purify, or end up not being what you want? Genuinely my dream is to be inside this mans head while something intimate goes down for the first time.
OHHHH YES YES YES I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS FOR HOURSSSSSS
WARNING! NSFW BELOW!
I did a little exploration of this headcanon in Compass and it comes up again in Wind and Moon. But short answer: absolutely. 200%. Multiple things influence him with respect to intimacy, the largest and most obvious of which is his father and how Sanemi witnessed Kyogo’s treatment of Shizu (his mother). Sanemi canonically isn’t blind to how others perceive him — brutal, cruel, rough. He’s acutely aware of it and actively encourages it in a desperate attempt to keep his loved ones far away and safe. So of course, that’s going to come back and bite him in the ass the first time he even considers getting intimate with someone because fuck, they know what he is. How could you possibly want him knowing he’s exactly the monster you must think he is, the same one his father was? In that regard, he probably thinks you’re stupid or have zero sense of self preservation, in which case, he’s going to protect you from yourself. And that means he resists.
Naturally, he can’t do that forever because at the end of the day, he is a lonely boy with so, so much capacity for love. So his apprehension to intimacy shifts course — it becomes about shielding you from being tainted by him. He’s dark, fucked up, too traumatized for anyone to genuinely want the cowardice and weakness beneath his hardass exterior, and if you touch him and let him touch you, you’ll only expose yourself to it. It doesn’t matter that your fingers on his cheek make him feel whole, chase away all memories of the scars marring his skin until he forgets they’re there all together. It doesn’t matter how badly he wants to explore the soft planes of your body with his hands or mouth, map out every inch of you until he knows you like the back of his hand. It’s dangerous because he’s dangerous, and you’re good. He doesn’t deserve you and you’re supposed to be smart enough to know that.
I think, when he’s finally worn down though and unable to hold back any longer, he’s still very in his own head. He’s extremely delicate in how he handles you and constantly checks in — when he kisses you, when he tentatively begins undressing you and hesitates when undressing himself, when he’s got you spread out on the bed while he sits between your thighs, nothing separating you except a few inches of space and his one last hesitation. He’s asking you if it’s really what you want, throwing you every out he has just in case you make the smart decision and back out. But, you don’t, and Sanemi is helpless when it comes to you, so he obeys your soft commanding please, and gives himself up to you.
During the deed? Sanemi’s very cautious. Don’t get me wrong, he feels fucking incredible and it takes an enormous amount of self restraint he’s not sure he has to not bust the second he’s fully seated inside you. It’s his singular focus on you that keeps him from doing so, and he’s so attuned to how your eyebrows scrunch with the slight discomfort of having him fully in you that he can’t really give a fuck about how amazing he feels. He feels only slight anxiety, knotting in his stomach, and fear hardening in his throat because he knew it, you regret it, this isn’t what you want and above all, he’s hurting you —
Yet, you strip him down and flay him open when you pull him in for a kiss, shyly roll your hips up to meet his, signaling you want him to move. After that, Sanemi’s mind finally goes blank and he lets himself be lost in the moment. Oh, it’s passionate. Deeply intimate, something most would be surprised to know Sanemi Shinazugawa was even capable of. He’s wrapped up in you, arms tight around your waist, your shoulders, face buried in the crook of your neck while you two rock together and become one. Yeah, he probably gets a little emotional (even if he’d rather swallow his own sword before admitting it), but how could he not? You trust him enough with your body to let him bend it to his, make it his, and for the first time he doesn’t feel like a brute. He feels like a man, every bit what his father wasn’t. And he swears, in that moment, he will do everything, become anything, to be the man you don’t just want but deserve.
Ignore my ugly mug and terribly put together video. I got to take my favorite fossil to the Pokémon Fossil Exhibit at the Field Museum! 10/10 definitely recommend!
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DIGIMON AU LET'S GOOOO
An INCREDIBLY FUN commission by my dear patron EMI who just absolutely SPOILED me with this prompt!! I LOVE getting paid to draw my favorite dorks, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :'D
Featuring Guzma with his partner-Digimon Kunemon and El with Muchomon!! We agreed Muchomon would be the perfect fit for El as it gives off the most Oricorio-vibes - plus it can turn into Swanmon, covering for Swanna :D
More info on the whole Digimon line under the cut!
Patreon | Reserve a commission slot by joining the Latias tier!
(new slots opening up soon!)
Here's the whole line Emi came up with, for anyone interested:
I'm probably insane for this but I wouldn't mind drawing Guzma with GranKuwagamon either for fun or as another commission one day. GranKuwagamon kicks ASS, it fits Guzmas aesthetic SO WELL
Thanks again for the awesome commission prompt, Emi! :D
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