Living With Anxiety

the flower does not grow any less by the surrounding of weeds.

I think I’m going to realize when I’ve found “the one,” and it’s not going to be when we first meet or during a date when something awkward or cheesy happens. It’s going to be the next morning, when I’ve spent all night cuddled up to them, when I wake up and realize that I slept soundly throughout the night. I will be certain then, because I’ve never been good at sleeping away from my own bed, but this time, I will have found the one that quiets my irritational mind and puts my soul at ease.

-tmh

Find someone who wants you for YOU. Not for your money. Not for your status. Not for your body. Someone who looks past all of the physical traits you carry and material assets you hold. Someone who sets your heart and soul on fire, but at the same time, knows just how to calm the storms that tarnish your well-being. Find someone who manifests a confidence in yourself you never knew you had. Make sure that they take the time to ask you how your day went and ask you if they can hear your voice before bed. Find someone who won’t just pretend that the burdens you carry don’t exist. Instead, they will take some of the load off of your shoulders without hesitation and carry it for you. Find that someone and hold on to them for life.

I’ve gotten to that point in my life where I’m tired of having to explain myself. I’m tired of running around in circles trying to please everyone but myself. I’ve also grown tired of fighting for people to stick around. At this point, I stand with the door open. If you want to leave, I’m not going to kick and scream. I won’t hang tight to your ankles, trying to hold you down so your legs don’t take you anywhere.

I can’t shake this feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I am uneasy. My hands and shoulders are shaking. My emotions are unsteady. I am like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. I am stuck in this never ending cycle, feeling worthless, feeling powerless, trying to communicate with you but it is one-sided. You do what you want to do. You hear what you want to hear. I am miserable, breaking under the weight of your schemes and manipulation. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. All odds are against me.

So, I’m slowly working to learn to let go and just let it be. I’m learning to stop and ask myself how I feel, before wondering how everyone else feels. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m tired of walking on eggshells.

Busting at the seams.

The gym isn’t just about strengthening your body. It’s about strengthening your mind. You push yourself, you test the limits. It’s a defense mechanism pre-programmed into us as human beings, how our minds are the first to call it quits before our bodies. But, the truth is that your mind can be re-wired so that your mind doesn’t give up until your body has had enough. And THAT is how change occurrs.

Shady people are notorious for convincing you to do shady things and then, almost effortlessly have you thinking it was all your idea in the first place.

I think she’s winning this time.

sometimes the thoughts and the worries and the fears are so overwhelming that I feel the urge to claw at my lungs to remind them to function again. lately, I’ve felt more and more like my life is a dead end street. I feel that I’m just not where I need to be to get where I want to go. if this is as good as it gets, then I’m not sure if I want to take part in it. the future that I had always looked forward to looks more and more far fetched the older I get. This is the first birthday I don’t look forward to. I have zero desire to be 23.

I never would have imagined it would be THIS DIFFICULT to gain my own personal space. I just want to be left alone. I need time. I need solitude. And if people continue to push, push, push, I'm going to break.

It's so toxic. You open up your feed, and you scroll, scroll, double tap to like, scroll some more. You become consumed with the lives of everyone else, admiring how picture-perfect their little world seems on the surface. And, you don't notice it, but you're comparing their lives to yours. You're wondering what it would take for you to be that happy. You're wondering when you'll get the chance to become something magnificent. The more you scroll, the less you believe in yourself. You become hopeless, when the surface pictures don't even tell the whole story.

No matter how hard I try, I'll always be average. I'll always be the third wheel in everything. I'll never reach first place. The not-so-pretty friend, the mediocre artist, the ditzy coworker. I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm starting to lack purpose.

Your worth is not measured by the way that others treat you. It is not measured by the way you treat others, either. Your worth is measured by how you treat yourself times 100.

In a society that's already drenched with hate and malicious intent, you would think that we as people would try our best to spread love and fight back. But, the heart wrenching truth is that we just pile on more hate. With all of this negative energy already dragging us down, we should not go with the flow. We should resist the toxicity of negative relationships and habits. People will do anything to bring you down. They will spit insults upon insults at you, and they will find any reason to convince you that you're worthless. I challenge you, though, to love them anyway. They will pick at your insecurities and shadow you with insensitivity. Love them anyway. Remember that hate thrives from insecurity. If someone is so willing to search out your flaws and reveal them to everyone, they are just trying to create a distraction from their own. Regardless, love them anyway.