tumblr is Confusing

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~Buttheadbutt

Today is Saturday June 12, 2021 | Hello & welcome. Today, we’ll pick up where we left off yesterday with writing down the audio triggers that you hear & identified as being relentless, distracting, disgusting, confusing & whatever additional words you use to describe the moment when they “pop” up. Once we write it down & assign it the WHO it belongs to, I’m going to ask if anyone wants to share a bit more. You don’t have to participate, and please don’t interrupt anyone as they’re sharing. Also, when done sharing if you want to be asked question, indicate this by asking, “any questions?” If you don’t want to be asked questions, indicate this by saying “thank you.”

The phrases, “any questions?” & “thank you” are two things I’ve been saying in my livestream broadcasts for over 2 years. At first they were the period in my sentence since after being assaulted I lost words. In fact, I lost speech completely, but it didn’t happen immediately, instead happening in a moment where if I had speech, I’m pretty sure the person who choked me out would’ve killed me.

The threat, “if you call the police I’m going to kill you” was real as his grip tightened, screaming into my face less than an inch away. Breath. Heat. Spit. Noise. Sensory. “I’m going to throw the cat off the balcony” as Neptune was raised above his head & he walked, his back towards me, made the threat of murdering Neptune real. 

The thing is, this phrase turned into “I want you to fuck me with a dildo” & that was a definite hard no. This trigger is on replay like 2 other examples of me saying, “no thanks!” since consent is very simple. You can ask, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. The other two things that were asked of me are too difficult to talk about now. Thank you.