Service with a smile.

My ex liked this on Facebook, and I saw it and had a fucking meltdown. So here is my response to him, that he’ll never see. But I needed to get it out. And if you do see it, fucker, please read it, understand it, and kindly fuck off. And yeah I don’t care how I sound, looking at what my ex liked on fb. We have a ton of mutual friends after having been inseparable for 5 years, and I just happened to see. Went ahead and blocked him again because I can’t deal with it. He’s out living a great life with her and I’m just here.

“Oh. Is that your take on what happened?

We did everything to make you happy. If anything YOU left US because we had conversations about our feelings, standards, and/or expectations too much.

One day, years from now, I hope that you give everyone the closure they deserve. How long has it been since us? 6 years? 7 years? Now I'm in a happy relationship- absolutely no contact for these years. I don't doubt my relationship or fear that he'll cheat on me or manipulate me like you did. But there are days that I still struggle with thinking that there is a CHANCE that anyone I value in life will do that to me. To this day, I still haven't had closure. I really feel like everything I knew during 'us' was nothing but a goddamn lie.

when people imagine anxiety, they always imagine risk averse behavior. you overthink, you’re deliberate, your thinking is catastrophic, and you’re always thinking through seventeen possible scenarios in which things can go wrong. 

but sometimes you’re so anxious and things feel so horrible that you do things without thinking because you want the bad feelings to stop. you say something stupid in a group chat, so you immediately leave all of your servers and block your friends so that you don’t have to see the aftermath. you’re unsure about your relationship, so you break up with your partner out of nowhere or you wake up one morning and just decide to ghost them so you don’t have to deal with it anymore. you’re uncomfortable at a party with people you don’t know, so you run outside and take the train home at 3am without realizing how dangerous that is because you just need to leave.