Bittersweet

You softened all of my sharp edges and I finally knew how to belong, but now we’ve been apart for so long all of my edges are razors again and I’ve forgotten how to fit against your side without hurting you.

Four weeks exactly until I move to a new state. Four more random Tuesday evenings watching tv with my parents. Four more Fridays laughing with my brother. Four more weeks watching the sun set over the pastures I have always woken up to. How can I simultaneously be so excited and feel such dread.

I was overseas in Italy for two weeks and I wanted to stay forever. I actually really miss it there. I felt healthier, happier, like I was actually living. One day I’ll leave here for good, and I will be happy every day.

I lost you while I was thousands of miles away, and now I can never come home because as long as I stay away…I can pretend that you are there still, alive and laughing

How do you know where you belong?

It’s….really easy..to fall back into depression. It’s a weight that feels comforting and you don’t even realize it’s suffocating you until it’s too late. Until you can’t get up. So try not to fall. Skip that sad playlist, stop those downward thoughts. It’s so hard but we’ll be okay and then we’ll realize it’s easier to stay up than we remembered.