stoner boi

SloppySequins “Fourth of July” Chug Challenge!

Sick of this joke of a country? Dreading others celebrating it? Bitch me too, let’s drink.

This year for the 4th of July, I will be replacing a celebration of an imperialist country that wants my family and friends dead with a celebration of anti-American perversion and hedonism.

I plan to buy a 30 rack of Modelo (my favorite beer; but bonus points for being Mexican beer in this case) and attempt to drink 25 beers in one day: one for each decade this place has existed. It seems appropriate to stay proportionate to the length of time this country has been causing pain.

I’ll be dressing up as a cute trashy trucker bunny, putting on my biggest push up bra, and posting pics and updates throughout the day. If you love horny beer chugging trailer trash, you won’t want to miss it. But 25 beers is a LOT of beer, so I need some accountability and assistance from all of you:

Every note on this post will be a sip of beer, of course, but I’m gonna make those sips stack. Every time I open a new beer, I’ll take a sip for every note I got since I opened the last one—even if I already took a sip during the last beer. So notes given while I’m actively drinking will double count.

I will be answering asks! Each ask will count for 5 notes/sips. Pro tip: if you want to ask something horny, I’m more likely to answer anons than randos I haven’t talked to before.

If you want to challenge me to chug a certain amount or otherwise make suggestions or requests, I will be open to them and posting proof of any I do.

Every beer I finish, in addition to an update, I’ll post a real life intox experience for your reading pleasure.

Every five beers I will try and improv a longer intox story. Of course, I’ll be writing the first one five beers deep…

I really hope you skip Fourth of July and celebrate with me instead. We can trash talk or just enjoy being incoherent enough to forget for a while. Or just come spectate me actively being trash as hard as I can.

See you there!

Semi-sequel to this story I wrote a couple days ago. I wanted to spend more time with this character. She lives inside me.

She wakes up. She's fuzzy-headed, bleary, still drunk. She rolls over and rummages around her bedside table for something, anything, to drink. She finds the mostly empty handle of rum she was swigging from before she passed out last night. She brings it to her mouth and gulps desperately. It burns. The burn makes her pussy wet. She gropes and rubs her own soft belly and tits with her free hand.

She stumbles to the kitchen, happily wasted. She hasn't been sober in months. She puts on the coffee, only spilling about a quarter cup of grounds across the counter. While it brews, she lights her first joint of the day. She breathes in eagerly. Her head is fuzzy already, but the weed makes everything feel deeper, more incandescent. She used to roll her own joints, but she's been too drunk to do that for months.

When the coffee is done, THC oil and more rum go into the cup with the creamer and she drinks deeply. While finishing her coffee, she stumbles to the hamper and pulls on a stained t-shirt. She turns on her computer. There's an email from her boss with a list of items to do, and she knows that she can do it all fucked up. She's a master.

She wanders back into the kitchen. She shoves a few boxed donuts into her mouth and grabs two beers out of the fridge. She chugs one in front of the open fridge, gulping deeply and letting the liquid settle in her heavy, round belly. She takes the other back to her desk and gets to work entering numbers and draining beers.

Elle started giggling more. That was Zac’s cue. He picked out another bottle of wine and proceeded to walk toward the living room. He stopped half-way to turn back toward Elle. She was taking another long pull from the wine bottle. She giggled and took a short swig. He watched her as she clumsily negotiated her bar stool.

“MmmI’m comin’, Shir.” She was definitely feeling the wine hitting her. It was only the start. She was walking okay, but not well. She made it to the end of the wall that announced the living room. Her head was deliciously swaying, just as her body was not quite standing still. She looked at Zac with decreasingly focused eyes and pulled the bottle up to her mouth.

Zac noticed how much looser her movements were getting as she greedily sucked down the wine. He turned and stood near the couch, standing in place to both watch her drunken staggering and help her onto to couch once she was relatively near it.

Elle’s arm, in true drunken fashion, flopped down by her side. The inertia of the wine bottle at the end of her relaxed arm caused her body to sway back and forth. She felt her smile. She felt her eyes drooping. She knew her inebriation was growing by the second and she loved it. She felt her professional whatever go bye-bye. She was becoming his drunk lush. She looked at him swaying back and forth (or was that her head?). Whatever. She wanted him.

Elle didn’t giggle as much as snort a laugh and guzzled more wine. She looked at him again with eyes floating on a sea of booze and wanted something else in her mouth.

Zac absolutely loved her progression. It was the highlight of his week. After watching her slip in and out of reality, he said, “Come here, baby girl,” with a gesture.

“Oh, I’ma, I’ma ccomin, lllllubber boy,” she slurred with a sloppy gaze. It was hitting her harder by the moment. She felt soooo sexy. She thought she was walking in a sexy manner toward this handsome devil. Zac, on the other hand, watched this woman, who was now an intoxicated mess, stagger and sway her way clumsily toward him.

She eventually made it to the couch where Zac helped her plop her inebriated butt down. Her expression changed as her whole world bounced up and down in slow motion, like riding on huge ocean waves. Oh, wow, that feels weird.

Her head felt heavier. She was lost in the sea of booze in her head. She slowly came back to drunken reality and felt her horniness at her own inebriation. She started to feel herself up with her free hand, squeezing her DD boob. She moaned, then noticed Zac in front of her.

“Heeey, ba’by. How’re how’re . . . how’rrrrre y’doin’?” She gave him her sexiest smile. “I go’ bi’ig boobsh. Do you do you, do you wanna feeel‘em?”

Zac looked down at his drunken mess. “No, baby girl, I want to suck on them.”

“Mmmmmm,” Elle cooed, as she couldn’t figure out how to say anything else. Her legs were opening and closing without her knowledge, instinctively responding to her boobie massage.

Zac sat down next to her, unzipped his pants and opened his belt. Elle’s heavy head bobbed in the general direction of the activity and blurted out a drunken laugh. “Yeahah, ba’aby, thassss wha’ I wan’!!”

He continued to pull his pants down, twist over toward Elle, and help her stand—if that’s what you call it. She was swaying heavily. He quickly opened her blouse, dropped her panties, and lifted her skirt before she fell over. She took a swig of wine during all the busy work.

Zac helped her down to her knees, where she was greeted by his hard-on. Her eyes took a drunk minute to focus and she leered at her favorite part of him. “I wan’ tha’.”

“Suck my cock, you drunk whore.” He reached behind her head and gently pulled her bobbing head toward his rock-hard dick.

Elle proceeded to give him a very sloppy blow job, sometimes finding it difficult to get his cock in her mouth. She would lustily suck like a pro for a minute, then suddenly start to drift off to Boozeland, then suck like a pro again.

“Take a drink, my drunk horny slut.”

“Okaaaay,” she responded, and took a drink once she got the bottle to her lips. She then proceed to enjoy his cock in her mouth, which was wonderfully numb.

Zac then reached down and picked her up, helping her straddle him. She was heavy and more limp. He took off her blouse and bra, watching the wonderful cascade of tit flesh. Elle was laughing to herself.

Elle continued to take small swigs from what was left of the second bottle as Zac lustily licked, squeezed, and sucked her big, soft tits. He could feel Elle slipping into wastedness, so he held her up by her boobs while she drunkenly rode his dick. He moved his hips to help her, since she was clearly blotto.

_______oOo_______

I generally love big drunk bellies on anyone and everyone!

There is something about watching her face after she finishes drinking, the moment she is still totally sober, and she knows it will just be a few minutes before the alcohol hits her like a truck.

Watching her eyes glaze over, and her body start to sway. She can’t stand up straight anymore, stumbling as everything washes over her.

Before the first bottle can sink in all the way I’ve handed her another, and she puts it to her lips without thinking. It feels so good, like she’s going to float away.

Do you want a sip of mine? See what those people are drinking, doesn't it look cool? Wait, they have a menu! I'll get you anything you want, if you just drink up.

One more. One more. Just one more.

C'mon, you can do it. Relax. Lean on me and take another chug. It's nice when everything turns fuzzy and spinny, isn't it? Don't you just love being alive? I do. I really fucking do.