laughing without fear of the future

We used to be the raincatchers And we couldn’t see what we were running from And you made me feel like Nothing really matters (nothing really matters) Where have you been, raincatcher? Come back to me like it was before You made me feel like Nothing really matters, nothing really matters Birdy — Raincatchers

Pakunoda wiped the drops of sweat that had accumulated on her forehead with the back of her hand, checking the clock hanging above the classroom blackboard and noting that there was still an hour left before the end of the exam.

Exams were naturally stressful, but this was not only the last test of the year, but it also marked the end of High School for those teenagers, and the infernal heat in Meteor City at that time did nothing to lessen the anxiety of those young students, who could hardly wait to never have to set foot in that school again.

Meteor City was the poorest city in the country, and the main source of income for the population was the maintenance of its landfill, one of the largest in the world, where her friends Uvogin, Phinks, and Feitan, who hadn’t finished High School, worked (Why should we waste time studying if we’re going to end up working there anyway?). There were no universities there, so when they finished High School, young people sought employment to help support their families, usually at the landfill, or in rarer cases, they went to less impoverished cities to study — sometimes, understandably, without bothering to return.

Paku, who had recently turned eighteen, already worked as an elderly caregiver, and although the salary was minimum wage, it still supplemented the income in the house where she lived with her nanny and her friends, who were practically like her sisters.

The blonde girl reviewed her answers in the test one last time before handing it to the teacher. As Pakunoda packed her stuff into her backpack, preparing to leave, she noticed that, for example, Shalnark and Sheila were still taking the test, but Chrollo had already finished and left the room.

To Paku’s surprise, as soon as she walked through the school gates for the last time, she saw Chrollo waiting for her, and the sudden sight of her best friend, her secret crush, made her heart race.

“Hey, Paku, what did you think of the test?” Chrollo asked, trying to hide his silly smile, but luckily for him, just as he didn’t seem to notice the obvious attraction the girl felt for him, Paku didn’t realize that Chrollo was also in love with her.

“I think it went well,” Pakunoda tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, unwilling to admit that she’d forgotten all the details of the test the moment she handed it in. “Where are we going?”

As they walked, they saw, amidst the blue sky, dark and heavy clouds approaching on the horizon, a presage of a rain that, hopefully, would cool down that hot and sultry day a little.

“I’m off today, and since your work doesn’t start until later, I wanted to hang out with you,” Chrollo realized that the way he was talking might make it seem like he was suggesting a date or something, and he panicked slightly at the possibility of Paku thinking he was pushing things somehow. “I mean, just to catch up, it’s been a long time since we’ve really talked properly.”

Chrollo, at only eighteen years old, had a better job than most young people his age, as an assistant to the city’s council of elders — Meteor City was run by a gerontocracy, which in turn had a strong link with the Church, although the government was theoretically secular — since the boy was thirteen; it was no exaggeration to say that Chrollo was a prodigy, and a few weeks earlier, he had told his friends that he had won a scholarship to study in one of the best universities in the country’s capital.

Chrollo, Pakunoda, and their friends presented different ethnicities, ages, backgrounds, and ambitions, but they were all inhabitants of Meteor City, and they knew the anguish of growing up in such a miserable place with no future prospects; life was a constant ordeal, and the only hope, for those with resources and courage, was to leave that cursed city forever and never look back.

“When are you leaving?” Paku asked, trying not to sound sad. She was overjoyed that such an intelligent and hardworking boy would have the opportunity to receive a quality education; no one deserved it more than him. But a selfish part of her feared that he would never return, that he would forget about her and about all of them.

“In about three days,” Chrollo replied. “I still have to settle some matters with the old folks, but considering how far the capital is, the sooner I leave, the better my chances of arriving in time for the start of the next semester.”

“I hope you enjoy the outside world,” Pakunoda commented; she too would like to visit other places, but her concern for her nanny and stepsisters prevented her from leaving them. “God knows there’s no future here, perhaps you’d rather not come back.”

“Don’t say that,” Chrollo’s voice was much more serious and intense than usual, surprising Paku. “I will always come back to you, no matter what happens.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that,” the girl realized she had sounded very bitter, even a little cruel. “It’s just that you deserved to have been born in a much better place than Meteor City, to have grown up in a traditional and happy family, and to have met more interesting people than me or—”

“Sometimes I wish I’d been born somewhere else too, but I would never have preferred growing up with anyone other than you and our friends,” Chrollo looked fondly at Paku. “Our childhoods were difficult, but they were happy, weren’t they? Because we had each other.”

Pakunoda didn’t know why she felt such a strong urge to cry at that moment, whether it was because of Chrollo’s surprisingly moving words, or because she didn’t want to be away from him — after all, the two sweethearts had been inseparable since they were children, playing, learning, and surviving together.

“I’ll send you letters every day, you know; I won’t forget you,” promised the dark-haired boy, as if he had read her thoughts. “And also, since the letters will probably take a long time to arrive, I’ll also send you emails daily.”

“Emails?” Pakunoda had heard of electronic mail before, but the concept was still foreign to her.

“Yes, that’s why I wanted to come here,” Chrollo explained, which made the girl realize they were in front of the library, which made her smile slightly; the library had always been their refuge since they were children, a place where they could escape their miserable reality and embark on adventures in search of knowledge and fun.

They entered the library, which was practically empty except for the elderly librarian, who smiled when she saw them and whom they greeted. Chrollo had decided that, while he was away, he would try to get more books for the library, which hadn’t undergone many renovations since they were children — except, of course, for the three outdated computers that had recently been donated by the council, who had made those machines available in some of the city’s institutional buildings.

“I’ve been learning how to use computers recently, partly with Shalnark’s help,” Chrollo explained, turning on one of the devices and pulling out a chair so Paku could sit down. “I’ve been reading books, articles, and news from all over the world thanks to it, without having to limit myself to the magazines and television programs we occasionally receive.”

Chrollo sat down next to Pakunoda and began pressing the keys on the keyboard.

“Look, I created an email for myself, that’s how I managed to register to take the university entrance exam,” he pointed excitedly at the screen, and Paku found his email address amusing: [email protected].

“Lucilfer? I didn't know you were so diabolical,” Pakunoda joked, because Chrollo was the last person who could be called that.

“I needed a last name to apply to university, and since I don’t have one, I decided to make one up,” he shrugged with a mischievous little smile. “Do you want me to help you create an email address as well?”

She nodded. The process was simpler than she had imagined it would be: Paku only had to create a username and password, which Chrollo explained needed to be something she could remember and that other people wouldn’t be able to guess; he also emphasized the importance of always logging out of her account whenever she left the computer. In the end, she proudly stared at her new online mailbox, [email protected].

“We can do a test: send me an email, then we’ll see if it was delivered correctly,” Chrollo suggested, smiling. That was the same feeling they had every time they found a new book and learned about things that, until then, were completely mysterious and unknown to them.

Pakunoda dragged the mouse (this was still strange to her) and clicked on the pencil icon the boy had indicated. She thought for a moment about what she would write; she knew it was just a silly test, but she felt that her first email to Chrollo should be special. Finally, carefully pressing the keys, she typed: Thank you. That summed up well her feelings for him.

After sending the message and logging out of her account, Pakunoda allowed Chrollo to access his inbox, confirming that he had indeed received her email. He simply replied with: :)

“What does that mean?” Paku asked, intrigued.

“It’s a smiley face,” said Chrollo. “Turn your head to see.”

Pakunoda did just that, and was delighted to recognize, in that curious combination of symbols, an adorable smiling face.

“That’s so cute!” she giggled, and as she turned to look at Chrollo, their noses unexpectedly touched, which froze them, making them realize how close their lips were.

Suddenly, they both started laughing uncontrollably, which ended with the elderly librarian reprimanding them, although she wasn’t truly angry with them.

After Chrollo logged out of his account, he and Pakunoda left the library, and the dark clouds in the sky drew even closer, but they didn’t care, not when their hearts seemed to be boiling; at that point, it seemed that both explicitly refused to see that their feelings were reciprocated, and perhaps such refusal was the fruit of their endless insecurities.

Paku knew she should go home as soon as possible and get ready for work in a few hours, but she simply didn’t want to leave Chrollo’s side. He seemed to understand her dilemma, because he reassuringly stayed by her side, and the two continued walking aimlessly and talking.

“What’s the name of the course you’re going to take?” Paku asked.

“Political Science,” Chrollo answered, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hands. “I hope my studies will help me bring benefits to Meteor City and modernize it.”

Pakunoda’s stomach churned; why did Chrollo always act as if the weight of the world — or, in this case, the fate of Meteor City — rested solely on his shoulders? Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the elders had always treated him as some kind of divine savior destined to save them, even when he was just a child. He was a genuinely good person who cared about Meteor City and its inhabitants, which seemed to worsen the pressure he put on himself.

“Damn, it’s too hot,” Chrollo muttered, trying to pull the collar of his long-sleeved black shirt away from his sweaty neck.

“That’s what happens when you wear such dark, long clothes in the sweltering heat,” Paku teased him; even though the boy didn’t want to admit it, she knew he had started dressing more “seriously” to be respected by the elders, and also as a kind of ritual to solidify his maturity. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

Chrollo didn’t dispute Pakunoda’s last comment, because he knew it was true.

“When you told us that you would try to enter a university abroad, for a long time I also had this desire,” said Paku. It was the first time she revealed this secret, this disappointment, to someone. “But I thought about Machi and Shizuku, who are still children, and Sarasa and Sheila, who don’t have jobs yet, and I couldn’t leave and burden our nanny like that.”

“I think you are also too hard on yourself,” Chrollo gave her a sad little smile. “I think you should try applying to a university next semester. Even if Sarasa and Sheila don’t get a job by then, this is an opportunity that can open several doors for you, including finding a better job that pays more. I can look for online and physical notices and send them to you. Which course are you interested in taking?”

“Psychology,” Pakunoda displayed a dreamy air; she had read so many books about it, but with how complex and mysterious the human mind is, she knew there was so much more for her to learn. “But I know most people here don’t think this is an ‘useful’ study for Meteor City, although I believe it can actually help us deal with our many problems.”

“I agree with you,” Chrollo enjoyed seeing how excited Paku seemed to be about her dream course, and wanted to encourage her. “And I have a confession to make: I wanted to study Literature, not Political Science, although I’m happy with my final choice, but I was afraid of ending up being useless for Meteor City.”

How ironic. Despite everything, in Meteor City there was a strong sense of community, no one else in the world cared about them, they were ghosts to the world, with no past, present or future; so they did their best to help each other, sacrificing themselves whenever they deemed necessary in the process. Chrollo and Pakunoda also seemed to have inherited this same sense of desperate duty to make some kind of contribution, to fix all of Meteor City’s problems.

The two were approaching the forest on the outskirts of the city, but they continued walking through it, crossing the extensive vegetation where they and their friends used to play when they were children — which was always advised against by the adults, as it was in the forest where foreign drug dealers used to gather; in fact, once, Sarasa was almost caught by one of those terrible men. Nowadays, it was rarer for those criminals to dare to show their faces, because the population had started to attack them when they appeared — apparently, it is easier to attack defenseless children than armed citizens.

“When I think about leaving Meteor City, I think about all the wonderful people I met here, the memories we share in this place,” Pakunoda sighed; a person’s homeland could be a fatal trap. “It’s funny, remember when we were kids? We talked so much about our grandiose plans for the future, but now that the future has arrived…”

She didn’t need to finish the sentence, because Chrollo felt the same. They had forgotten how good it was to talk to each other, the complicity and understanding they shared was only disputed by their irritating stubbornness in admitting their young passion.

Maybe this would be a good time to talk about it. Why were they wasting time, martyring themselves like this, as if they didn’t deserve to be happy? What were they so afraid of? Youth is a confusing and scary time in life, but they weren’t children anymore, they couldn’t keep running away from themselves like that forever.

“I feel like it was easier when we were children,” reflected Chrollo, admiring the canopy of trees, which disguised the increasingly cloudy sky. “I remember thinking that, when I grew up, I would have less fear of everything, but what happened was the opposite: different from childhood, now that I understand how the world and Meteor City works, my fear of failing is much greater.”

Meteor City is not like other places in the world. It was no place for the weak, and when they had everything to lose, the world simply didn’t care. A common dilemma among its inhabitants was how they could survive in a place where every mistake could be fatal; how could love, a feeling so raw, overwhelming, that devastated any sense of reality, survive in such brutal circumstances?

Chrollo felt pathetic for a moment; ever since he was a child, he wanted to do his part to help Meteor City — though not taking on a “leader” role as the elders insisted he should —, but how could he contribute to his hometown if he was afraid of becoming weak if he acknowledged that he loved Paku?

Just when the black-haired boy felt that perhaps this was the right time to finally take the next step, amidst the sudden sound of running water, Pakunoda smiled and exclaimed happily: “Look! Let’s swim a little?”

The two had walked so much that they were now in front of the Lacrima River, one of the few safe sources of drinking water in the region and considered sacred by many of Meteor City’s older inhabitants — so when children and teenagers bathed in the waters of the Lacrima River to escape the heat, they ended up receiving stern lectures, which did not stop the young people from continuing to commit such transgression.

At that moment, they were the only ones present at the place. The Lacrima River was very long and wide, with clear, calm waters, and considerably deep — another reason why children were prohibited from entering it, an order that was obviously disobeyed. It seemed like a paradisiacal sight in the midst of that demonic heat.

Considering how hot it was and the fact that Chrollo really wanted to spend more time with Paku, he couldn’t refuse her request. In fact, the last time they had swum together with their friends, they were all just innocent children… even back then, they were still worried about the future of Meteor City, but things seemed simpler and more hopeful. Chrollo and Paku liked the idea of ​​jumping into that river, as if they were going to dive into memories, for good old times’ sake.

As they left their backpacks on the grass, the two suddenly realized that neither of them had swimwear (and probably neither did anyone in Meteor City), and that they would have to remove a few layers of clothing before they could go in the water. That wouldn’t be a problem, they had been friends since childhood and trusted each other, but considering that Chrollo and Paku were in love, their hearts raced and their faces blushed a little during the process.

Pakunoda removed her dark green pinafore dress, her yellow shirt that she wore under her dress, her socks and shoes, remaining with her bra and shorts. She put her clothes in her backpack, and when she turned her face, she couldn’t help but stare at Chrollo, who had taken off all his black clothes, leaving him only in his boxers. The boy looked up and also stared at Paku for a few seconds, not knowing how to react.

It was the first time that they had both seen someone in such an intimate way, the amount of exposed skin seemed obscene, although they knew it was no big deal; the two noticed details of each other’s bodies that they had never seen before, and that unexpected beauty made them momentarily lose their breath. Friends don’t look at friends this way. They tried to convince themselves that the burning in the bottom of their stomachs, their pounding hearts, their sweaty hands and their dry throats were the result of the heat of that day.

Suddenly, as if violently wanting to drive away the inappropriate thoughts from her mind, Pakunoda ran out and jumped into the water, immersing herself completely. Chrollo stood still for a moment, assimilating what had just happened, until the girl gracefully emerged, spitting water.

“Hey! Won’t you come in?” Paku asked, laughing, as she caught her breath.

Chrollo laughed too; he felt hypnotized, as if Pakunoda were a siren calling him to his death, and which the boy accepted immediately.

He jumped and dove into the river like a cannonball, spraying water everywhere, wetting the bank where they were standing and their backpacks, but Chrollo and Paku just laughed, that electrifying emotion coursing through their veins.

The water was freezing, despite the scorching sun reflected off the stream, creating a trail of shimmering light. The sensation of the water embracing their sweaty and exhausted bodies was invigorating, and for a moment, Chrollo and Paku allowed themselves to have fun, to forget the worries and anxieties that young people from Meteor City like them faced daily.

“The river doesn’t seem so deep now that we’re older, does it?” Chrollo commented. Of course, one of the greatest appeals and thrills of the river for the children was the risk of death by drowning. No one they knew had ever drowned, but it was something that had happened in the past.

“You were so small when we were children that I was always afraid you would drown,” Paku laughed, brushing her hair away from her eyes. “But you’re so tall and strong now, I guess I don’t need to worry anymore, do I?”

Normally, Pakunoda would be horrified to flirt so blatantly with Chrollo like that, but for some reason, at that moment, she felt no shame, she wanted to enjoy that moment without holding back her feelings.

“We’re practically the same height now, but I think I’m stronger than you,” Chrollo responded with a mischievous grin, his body disappearing into the water.

Just when Paku was wondering what that boy was planning to do, she let out a scream when Chrollo suddenly emerged from the water below her, grabbing her legs and lifting her high into the air. She laughed as he twirled her around, as if they were a pair of professional dancers.

Chrollo carefully and gently placed her back in the water. Pakunoda felt the maddening pounding of her heart in her ears, and as a way to muffle the sound, she splashed water on the dark-haired boy — who responded by laughing and throwing more water in her direction, and soon they began splashing water at each other like they did when they were children.

“Let’s see which of us can stay underwater the longest?” Paku suggested, when they both got tired of attacking each other with water, and Chrollo happily accepted the suggestion.

“One, two, three!” they exclaimed at the same time, then immediately plunged into the river.

Being submerged in water was like floating in the vacuum of space; there was almost no noise, and with her eyes closed, Paku wondered if that was what it felt like to be in a mother’s womb — curiously, she briefly wondered if, the moment she emerged, that would count as some kind of rebirth.

After a few minutes, the girl’s lungs began to burn, desperately begging for oxygen, and although Paku wanted to remain underwater as long as possible, it reached a point where she simply could no longer ignore her body’s needs, and she surfaced again. While catching her breath and blinking repeatedly to clear the water from her eyes, Pakunoda realized that Chrollo still hadn’t come up.

She waited, having to admit that he had surpassed her in that little competition. However, another one, two, three, four minutes had passed, and Paku began to worry. Chrollo knew how to take care of himself, but Pakunoda just wanted to make sure he was alright; she dove back in, her eyes open, and panicked when she didn’t see the boy in front of her.

“Chrollo!” Paku got out of the water and started screaming desperately, even though she knew that if Chrollo was still under the water, he wouldn’t be able to hear her, but she wasn’t thinking straight; she continued to call his name, not knowing what else to do, fearing the worst. “Chrollo!”

Suddenly, she heard a noise behind her, and when she turned around, Paku saw Chrollo emerging.

“What were you thinking?! I was worried!” Pakunoda scolded him, giving him a light punch in the chest, almost trembling with relief at seeing that the idiot she was in love with was alright, spitting out water and laughing.

“Sorry! I swam behind you to caught you by surprise, I didn’t mean to worry you, I’m sorry,” Chrollo apologized, genuinely regretful after seeing how distressed Paku was, who approached him and hugged him.

Pakunoda wrapped her arms around his neck, her arms resting on his broad shoulders, while Chrollo held her waist. She felt tears streaming down her face, mingling with the water; that sudden outburst wasn’t just from that silly fright, but mainly because the reality they lived in had become more terrifying: things were changing, they were growing up, and soon Chrollo wouldn’t be there anymore.

Paku knew that Chrollo hadn’t meant any harm, but deep down she couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps she wasn’t as important to him as he was to her. Perhaps love really was a fatal weakness.

“I’m here, I’ll never leave you,” Chrollo promised, gently lifting her face, sharing the same complex anguish as her; he also seemed on the verge of tears. “Even when I’m far away, I’ll never leave you, I’ll always be with you, and you’ll always be with me.”

Chrollo’s words comforted them both, and Pakunoda had already calmed down. They remained embraced, seeking shelter in each other’s arms, gazing at each other, dark eyes meeting almond eyes.

All they could hear at that moment were the beating of their own hearts, intertwined in a symphony of tension and anticipation. Their noses touched again, but instead of moving apart, Chrollo and Pakunoda drew closer.

Almost simultaneously, their lips collided in an awkward first kiss, yet sweet and full of sincerity. Chrollo and Paku pulled their faces away, as if processing what had happened, only to kiss again immediately afterward, this time with more force and confidence.

Their lips were warm and soft, and as the kisses lengthened, they experimented with deepening them, and at a certain point their tongues touched. At that moment, they couldn’t control the overwhelming desire within them, their mouths devouring each other as if in a dance or a battle. The two only stopped sporadically to breathe, then immediately returning to those intense and desperate kisses.

Chrollo pulled Paku closer, leaning over her and caressing her bare back. She responded by tugging at his soft black hair and wrapping her legs around his waist. There were so many unspoken words in that moment, but their actions were enough for them to understand.

“Paku…” Chrollo lifted his face and kissed the tip of her nose tenderly, a gesture that felt even more intimate than the passionate kisses they had shared before. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Pakunoda smiled and rested her forehead against his. Suddenly, everything seemed so simple; the dilemmas that their young hearts had nurtured for so long now seemed irrelevant.

“Paku, do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chrollo whispered in her ear, softly kissing her earlobe, in a sudden burst of courage.

“Yes!” the blonde laughed; she decided to tease him a little. “But are you sure you want to commit to a girl from Meteor City? Big city girls must be way more interesting, don’t you think?”

“Don’t be like that,” smiled Chrollo, after giving Pakunoda a little nibble on her neck, which made her tremble. “As long as we’re alive, if I ever betray you, I want you to shoot me in the head.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Paku kissed him, satisfied with his answer.

They wanted to merge into one another, to remain embraced like that for all eternity, but soon they felt drops of water falling on the tops of their heads and on their shoulders; the rain had finally arrived in Meteor City.

“We’d better go, otherwise we’ll catch a cold,” said Chrollo, and Paku agreed. Their cheeks and necks were flushed, and their lips were red and swollen.

The now-couple emerged from the river with some difficulty, the weight of the water draining from their bodies. They dressed quickly as the intensity of the rain gradually increased, both of them still stunned from the ecstasy of the moment they had shared.

“I need to go home and get ready for work later,” Paku said in a somewhat apologetic tone.

“No problem, I’ll take you home,” Chrollo kissed her as he finished buttoning his shirt.

When they finished getting dressed, Chrollo took Paku’s hand and the two ran off together, laughing, carrying their backpacks above their heads to avoid getting caught in the rain — which, with it already at torrential levels, didn’t help much, and the two lovebirds got completely soaked as they ran back to the city.

How could they be bothered by the rain when it was one of the happiest moments of their young lives? They even jumped a few times, always holding hands, as if trying to grasp the rain, not caring if the other inhabitants saw them or what they would think about them.

Chrollo and Pakunoda could hardly believe the happiness that burned in their hearts: they loved each other, they were dating now, they were running in the rain like the two lovesick idiots they were, laughing like two children. They didn’t care about anything else in the world, there was no more anguish or sadness; all that existed were the two of them and the bond between them that would never be broken.

They arrived in front of the modest dwelling where Pakunoda lived with her nanny and stepsisters, and the couple took shelter momentarily under the eaves of the house, resuming their kiss as if they had never stopped, making out as if they always did it, no more fear or insecurities.

“Do you have to go to work tomorrow?” Paku asked, amidst breathless kisses.

“Yes, in the morning,” Chrollo separated every word with a kiss. “But we can have lunch together tomorrow.”

“Are you asking me out?” Pakunoda smiled, kissing his cheek.

“Of course, I want to spend as much time as possible with my girlfriend,” the boy adjusted a strand of Paku’s hair that had come loose.

“And I want to spend all the time we have with my boyfriend,” Paku whispered, not believing that all of that was real, hugging Chrollo despite their wet clothes. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll come pick you up tomorrow,” the boy promised with one last kiss.

After ensuring Paku had safely gotten home, Chrollo finally allowed himself to go to his own house, which he shared with Shalnark and Franklin, who would be worried if he took any longer. He ran through the rain, punching the air and laughing to himself, unable to stop smiling; maybe everything really would be alright. He could hardly wait to see Paku again.

Upon entering the house, wetting the floor in the process — her nanny would be furious if she saw this; Paku would have to clean the room later —, the blonde girl saw that Sheila was in front of her, appearing astonished.

“Are you okay? I thought you were going straight home after class,” Sheila commented, picking up Paku’s soaked backpack to help her.

“I’m fine, I just got caught off guard by the rain. I’d better go take a shower now,” Pakunoda replied. Sarasa appeared in the room with a towel, handing it to the older girl. “Thank you, Sarasa.”

Paku used the towel to dry her face and wipe her hair, noticing that Sheila and Sarasa were still staring at her, full of expectation. “What?” asked her.

“We saw you and Chrollo…” Sheila explained, giving a small smile.

“We saw you and Chrollo kissing!” Sarasa specified, almost shouting with excitement. “We want to know all the details! How did this happen? How long have you been together? What was it like kissing a boy?”

Paku wasn’t that surprised; after all, she and Chrollo weren’t hiding when they were kissing and holding hands, anyone could see them. In truth, she wasn’t bothered by Sarasa’s persistent questioning. Probably, eventually everyone would know about Paku and Chrollo’s relationship, and it didn’t really matter.

“I’m going to take a shower, if I don’t I’ll get sick,” Pakunoda handed the towel, now also wet, to Sarasa, and walked out of the room. “I’ll tell you the details later.”

While showering, Pakunoda felt renovated when her cold skin came into contact with the warm water of the electric shower — it was funny that, on the few occasions outsiders stayed in Meteor City, they were horrified by the electric showers, but those devices were actually quite safe and efficient, as well as more economical there —, and the girl sighed as the memories of the day gently flooded her mind.

She began humming a song she didn’t know, her cheeks aching from the persistent smile on her face, daydreaming about the moment she and Chrollo would see each other again.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: I miss you Chrollo, I’m writing this one week after you left Meteor City. I know it will take you at least a few more weeks to reach the capital, and that until then you’ll hardly have access to a computer, but I wanted to write so that, when you get there, you’ll have something of mine waiting for you. My job remains the same as always; it’s tiring and could pay better. But it’s good that the elderly people I take care of are all very kind, they’re almost like my friends, and that makes my job worthwhile. There’s not much new here, but Franklin started working at the landfill with Uvo, Phinks, and Feitan (although I’m glad that, unlike them, Frank finished High School). Also, Machi has been earning some money sewing clothes and fabrics, and she says she would like to work as an embalmer like Miss Renko (should I be worried?). Shalnark helped me research Psychology courses in the country, and although it’s too early for any of them to be open, it gave me a good idea of ​​future options. Shal is very good with computers, it’s almost as if they were one and the same; I think he could easily make money helping people use them when/if more of these technologies come here someday. I love you, Chrollo. I know you know this, but I love you so much, always have and always will. I can’t describe the relief of being able to tell you this, to finally admit the truth to myself. Sometimes I’m doing random things and a wave of happiness and affection washes over me, and it’s because I love you and you love me. I really miss you, but I am so proud of you, and I hope you do well at university and that your studies are smooth and successful. When you get there, tell me everything! All yours, Paku

i wanted to combine his looks from the manga and the 2011 anime!

Visual trivia: (because I think this kind of thing is fun!)

The milkweed cluster in the foreground represents the four people Kurapika was mourning most: Pairo, Mother, Father, & Elder.

Kurapika of the past/memory is facing right (looking towards the future) and Kurapika of the present is facing left (looking towards the past)

(That's according to Carl Jung's interpretations anyways lol)

But! In the memory, Kurapika is more focused on the woven flowers in front of him (representing strong familial love and respect, if I'm not mistaken).

I've found lots of interpretations for the meaning of milkweed/asclepias in the language of flowers - probably my favourite one was "let me go", so I gave the flower to Pairo to hold up.