stillthinking

Hey.

I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what to say or how to put them into words. I just want to say that maybe this is better, the way you treat me and the little attention you give to me everyday. It’s so obvious to me, that you don’t feel the same way as much as I do towards you. And I think that’s okay. I know I can never force someone to do that.

Of course, I’m hoping, for that yes, for you to choose me but everytime I step into my rational zone and look at the current state of things, I know that may never happen. I know I may never matter to you as much as you do to to me. And I think that’s okay. Maybe this is better because I might need this to move forward when the day comes that you will say no.

No. Of course I am not done yet. Like I told you how I pursue someone, if I perish, I perish but being ready for the multitude of outcomes is a good thing. It has always helped me. It’s not bad to be realistic, right? If I was just in control of everything I would make sure you end up with me. And I’ve told you this, letting go of someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It may even mean that you love them so much, you’re willing to let them go because you know they’ll be better and happier with whom they ever choose or end up with.

Another thing, I want you to know that it’s not your fault that I got myself carried away easily. I am the man. I was supposed to lead my self and you from the start regardless of whether you were the one who initiated things or not. In that area, I know I have failed but I’m trying my best even up to know and I’m learning alot. I hope you see that but knowing so only solidifies the fact that how things are right now maybe for the better.

I want to be your object of happiness. I want you to choose me too. I know you know how much of what I feel for you but if you ever find it in your heart that you don’t feel the same, I will respect that. See? I guess, maybe, this is better.

Why do I always seem to pick the wrong people I confide to? Or is this just my paranoia kicking in? I thought I had a handle on it already. It feels like only 2 out of 10 people on average are the ones that truly care and trustworthy. This idea leads me to a deeper question: Why does it seem so hard to find the constant people in your life? Who will always be there and the ones you could be for as well? I know people come and go but is this really the reality? Or is it only know that I am realizing and learning the main concept of why friends for keeps are such treasures to be hold dearly. Of why it matters to pursue or ask the question, “Who will be at your funeral when you die? What will they say?”

And of course, this brings you to operating on the basis of giving and gratitude rather than always taking or feeling entitled so you could have an answer for those questions and friends that you can keep.