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My favourite Lucien line in the series so far:

Any mention of him is keeping me going. Reading Tamlin/Feyre interactions is making me cringe just as hard as Feyre probably is. But Lucien.

It made me think about all the romance books I’ve read, and I realized that when well written or created, queer romance, but specifically mm romances, speak to women because it lets them rest, and it shows them how two men became their most authentic and vulnerable selves by finding each other.

No woman’s sacrifice was involved in it. It was about two men, who struggled together. I’m not denying that supportive and strong female characters aren’t involved at all in these stories, but it’s not inherently a male vs female romance.

Women get a chance to breathe…and also witness truly astounding levels of yearning and cuteness from two deep, well created versions of men.

There’s a chapter where Kit’s narrating (whose narration is legit my favourite now) and he just says these things about Julian…and they hit…so hard. I just cannot stop loving him. He is tough and ruthless and scary and scheming…and he is also loving and kind and smart and so ADORABLE. (Last pic)

There are elements of 2x09 that exactly match 4x10, but many more that are literally flipped

Same

In both, Carmy is reassuring Syd she won’t fuck it up and that he believes in her

In both, Carmy admits he wasn’t who she needed him to be and he’ll do better by her

In both, Syd is worried she will fail and Carmy says he won’t let her

Syd’s scarf is the same color in both

Opposite

In 2x09, Syd is saying “you could do this without me” and Carmy is saying “I couldn’t and I wouldn’t even wanna”; in 4x10 Carmy is saying “you could do this without me” and Syd is saying “yes but I don’t want to”

In 2x09, Syd is talking and Carmy tells her to keep going, is patient, gentle; in 4x10, Carmy is talking and Syd is maybe not gentle but definitely patient

In 2x09, Syd says she fucks things up all the time; in 4x10 Carmy says he keeps letting her down and fucking things up

In 2x09, Carmy asks Syd “you still love to cook right” and she says yes; in 4x10 Syd asks Carmy “you still love this” and he says no

In 2x09, they both tell each other they’re not alone; in 4x10, they both feel more alone than they ever have around each other

2x09 is bright and light; 4x10 is dark and bleak

In 2x09 they’re wearing the same thing; in 4x10 they’re both in white but Sydney is covering the white, with an overshirt, like armor, like a shield

In 2x09, Carmy’s stance towards her is open, his attention on her, while she is talking and explaining her fears; in 4x10, Syd’s stance towards Carmy is closed, hands crossed and looking down, while he’s talking and explaining himself

2x09 Syd is on the right and Carmy on the left; 4x10 they’re flipped

4x10 (part 2)

"You're retiring? You're 12" absolutely correct sir

"Chef Carmen is doing us a favour cuz we could really use that salary" ooooo ouch

I love that Richie asks Syd to stay when she can tell the convo is shifting to Mikey and she feels like she shouldn't be there, their friendship is maybe one of the best parts of this show it is magnificent, he knows he needs her to be there because she will check him, she will hold him back, she will support him...and she does exactly that

Richie is so pained when Carmy says he was at Mikey's funeral that he confronts him directly, he can't do it any other way, but Carmy's hold on Richie's neck is firm but still loving, because he sees Richie's anger, and he knows it's valid, but he is saying "I love you and I'm sorry" I AM CRYING PLEASE

I came to a realization after watching this scene.....Carmy has always dealt with pain and trauma by immersing himself in his work, putting his head down, refusing to talk, say anything of substance, just moving forward but not addressing it....Richie on the other hand has always dealt with his with his words, he throws words back at you, he snipes, he jokes, he is sarcastic and stops dealing with it by talking about everything but what's bothering him...JAW acts with his face, and EMB acts with his gestures and words

We sort of see them swap roles here....you can see Richie's emotions more on his face, and Carmy's emotions more through his words and what's he's saying...they're both struggling, and Richie is having a hard time thinking before he speaks, but he is trying because he can see that it took a lot out of Carmy to say what he said, so he's stopping himself from speaking before thinking, which is how he normally operates

"She was just saying this thing about how we were trying to deal, me, you, Sug...." "Stop, who is she" Syd: *looks unsure and called out* "Me, I am she" "Oh okay. Continue." THIS SCENE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE THIS FUNNY WHAT THE HECK RICHIE WHY IS HE SO GODDAMN HILARIOUS and how Syd looks so deer-in-headlights, I see why The Bear is categorized as a comedy now, it's a gross understatement but this show is so funny in so many ways and this is peak comedy in it

Richie's long pause after Carmen says "I didn't realize how you lost somebody too", rubbing his hand on his forehead, it looks like he's gearing up to take a punch because being real with Carmen without it being a screaming match is something he has not done in a long time, I feel his discomfort and his indecision so viscerally in this scene...and how his voice goes down an octave before he says "I feel like you resented me"

"You were inside my family" oh baby Carmy, he knows that his biggest regret is not feeling like he knew the people who raised him while Richie did, but despite all that loving Richie so much for being there for his family when he couldn't do it

He does not blame Richie for what happened to Mikey at all, the way he tears up when he tells Richie he didn't fail

"Stop that you don't fucking smoke" "***** who cares right now" I CACKLED SO GODDAMN HARD SYDNEY OHMYGOD HOW ARE THE WRITERS DOING THIS WHILE MY HEART IS ALSO SHATTERING FOR THEM PLEASE

Richie was always part of the family and he saw the flip side, they loved Carmen even though he wasn't around and he hated it because he was around and still wasn't family like Carmen was and he also hated that he loved and missed Carmen just like the rest of them did....AAA the love between these two literally knows no end and they have never admitted it to each other before this

RICHIE BUYING FRENCH LAUNDRY AND HESITATING BEFORE HE ADMITS IT he has loved you forever Carmen

Richie saying "How do I know that? Because we got you right" to Syd...SYDNEY YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND EVERYONE SEES IT BUT YOU

I cannot read Carmy's tone or face when Syd says she wants Richie on the agreement...I think I sense some possessiveness but mostly like she gave him an epiphany he never had and with every second in the scene he gets more and more sure that this is EXACTLY what the restaurant needs, you can see it as soon as they pan to his face and his "You got it" couldn't be more sure

"I don't want to be the ambassador of St Paddy's Day" - RICHIE YOU FOOL YOU ARE FANTASTIC AT WHAT YOU DO

Him continuously nodding and his voice catching and then looking determined and saying "it's a fucking honour" Richard you deserve the world, thank you Sydney Adamu for letting us see Richard get something he has always deserved, a real part in this family

Sugar coming out and looking unsure with every second, and as soon as Richue tells her what's happening she says nothing and just jumps on Carm and continues to cry as she hugs him....that is a real sister's heartbreak and love and acceptance of her brother finally taking a step to heal himself

Also Carm is looking at Syd when Sugar asks him if it's true and the way he is looking at her....oh god, HOW WAS I SO BLIND FOR 3 GODDAMN SEASONS

The shot of the dark kitchen and with the clock at 1:11 and then panning at the end to the countdown timer that you can hear right from that first shot of the kitchen which gets louder every second is so fucking powerful

I also just realized that the ending song in the credits of this episode is a sped up/more upbeat version of the same slow song playing when Sydney makes the scallop dish in 4x03 as Carmy watches HELLO THE CREATORS OF THIS SHOW ARE FUCKING WITH US

4x10 (part 1) There is no way I am writing this one in one post so I'll do two. One of the best, most raw episodes I've ever seen on tv that made me want to cry and laugh and throw something at them all :)

Syd saying "she's having a smoke" and Carmy at first saying okay and then double taking and saying "You don't smoke" because of course something is fishy here was so funny to me

"You didn't talk to me all service" "Was focused" "I don't like how this feels" - Mr Carmy you have never had a problem with people being mad at you but Sydney being mad and you not knowing why is turning your gears immediately, okay sure, she's your "friend"

He has always had a problem with Sydney being mad at him, even in 1x08 after she calls him an asshole and quits in the previous episode he keeps thinking about her, finds her notebook which he lovingly(???) caresses and looks at, sends her multiple random texts and then apologizes too, and his smile at the end of the episode as they trade ideas for the revamp of the restaurant....WAS I BLIND IN THE BEGINNING OR WHAT

"It's best for the restaurant" When all she says is "Cool" and he is like "wtf" I'm like yes girl lets go Syd please call him out for being emotionally stunted and never explaining himself

"What is your master plan for getting us out of this debt" "I'm not blaming it all on you, maybe 50-75%" "Oh the correct plan that you're removing yourself out of, okay" YES SYD I AM RIGHT WITH YOU I was hooting at the tv when she was saying all this

Her trying to smoke is SUCH a good scene "Well then fucking help me please"; him lighting her cig, then she takes a puff and coughs, hands it to him, he stares at that cigarette for way too long for it to actually be about the smoking, takes the puff, and exhales like he cannot catch a breath - why is this scene so good and also why is JAW smoking that way SO hot am I attracted to tortured men

"You love this" "Yeah whatever reason I do" "It wasn't a question" why is this the most articulate he's ever been about how much he knows and understands her and appreciates her....every time in this conversation it's about expressing himself you can tell he is STRUGGLING, like physically it is difficult for him to pinpoint what he wants to say and every time Syd blows up at his response he knows he's said it wrong and he panics....but the ONLY times he does not back down or second guess himself is whenever he is talking about HER in this conversation

"I wouldn't put up with so much bullshit, present bullshit included" "I understand" "No what DO you understand" I lowkey whistled because I KNEW she was about to goddamn GO OFF on him and came to fight and he's been deserving it for 3 seasons so yes lets fucking go

OH NOT HIM ADDRESSING THAT SHE WAS TRYING TO LEAVE....hoooooooo this whole conversation is a smokeshow (pun intended)...Syd being like "oh and you're better", ms maam you already know he is you are rage baiting him because he is clearly being possessive and it fucking works, this man very much KNOWS he would smoke Adam Shapiro, but I also love how he goes "so do you" and her immediate response is "fuck you" because she did not think he was gonna use this as yet another opportunity to appreciate her

"You're not good at smoking" "I'm gonna get good" how is this the most gutting scene ever and they somehow still manage to add in all these HILARIOUS lines I literally cackled

Him saying "stop" so many times when she starts talking about the elephant in the room is so painful because I think he knows Syd has never talked about Mikey and she never brings it up but she finally is and that's when he knows he's BEEN going through the ringer for years and there's no way out of it but through

I love that she is apologizing and being so sincere about Shapiro and Mikey and everything but at the same time not holding back on calling him out for the nightmare he has been and him saying HE KNOWS because he GODDAMN KNOWS and just couldn't stop

"Syd you're everything I'm never gonna be" and this line started my downfall, this is what has me on here writing ESSAYS on every episode and scene and overanalyzing every Syd Carmy interaction because HOW DID I NOT SEE HOW DID I MISS IT HOW DID I DENY IT

I love how she keeps interjecting and brushing off all his praise because she doesn't believe in herself at all and she has no idea why he sees her this way because she doesn't see it this way

"Any chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in, and any possibility of it surviving, it's with you" "How can you say that" "I believe in you more than I've ever believed in myself" "Why" "Because you're The Bear" PLEASE I AM SOBBING PLEASE ARE YOU BOTH LITERALLY INSANE AND BLIND AND IT'S JUST SO I HAVE NO WORDS

"You're my partner" "I'm your friend" this is what they care about, this what they have both cared about for so long, for the first time he felt like he had a friend, and for the first time she felt like she had a partner, someone she could trust, I don't know both of them are so broken and their hearts are breaking but they're here

I remember throughout season 3 hoping Carm actually talks to Claire, reaches out, being misled by all the Claire pining. I remember watching Syd and Luca interact in 3x10 and squealing about them and thinking they would look so good together and that they had great chemistry. I still think they do, that scene in 4x05 of them talking about chives is peak chemistry, but season 4 has literally altered my brain chemistry and now I can’t stop seeing every way in which Sydney has been Carm’s match and complement right from the start.

4x09 (part2)

Carmy Carmy Carmy. You feel so much man. And you got it all from your ma.

The way she basically begs him to come in but not with words, just with her eyes. And he gives in, even though that house brings back too much shit, but he does it for her. Because he’s trying. At everything. To be better. And this is one of those attempts.

Them looking at all the old photos, and him watching his mom and really laughing at her commentary, Donna still being who she used to be but less, subdued, less loud, less crazy, less sure of herself

Jimmy’s picture. And Carmy finding out he’s trying to sell his house, knowing it’s for him. For them. And fully realizing that Jimmy has put a lot into the restaurant too.

Michael. Aaaa I can do a whole other post on the depth and gravitas Jon Bernthal brings to his characters too but that’s not for today (Side note: Seeing another close Jon and Ebon dynamic again in this show after watching Punisher S1 was absolutely amazing, ifykyk)

Donna breaking down, and bringing that letter. And as she says it, she gets more and more sure. More determined that she needs to say it, despite Carmy telling her to stop and that she doesn’t need to. She keeps going. Stellar acting by JLC.

Carmy. Ohgod. He immediately covers his mouth when she starts talking, which is what he does when he is nervous or unsure or worried. The way his eyes get more teary with every word out of his mother’s mouth. The handle trembles progessively get worse too. HAND TREMBLES. I think I felt my heart getting ripped out of my chest for them the more his hand trembled. But it stayed there the whole time. He acts this scene through micro expressions and next to no actual words. And he is absolutely magnificent. I am a JAW fan for life now.

(Side note we see some of this micro acting in 3x10 when he confronts Fields and then cries after. It’s so silent but it’s so deadly and heart shattering to see him cry that way, but also because he definitely needed to do that, and I am so glad he did)

Him immediately offering to cook for her was so endearing, and I know it’s so normal, but there is truly something so special about cooking for someone you love while they watch you, and no one more special than your mom. And for someone to whom cooking has meant what it has (despite it now not feeling the same to him anymore), just making a nice meal for his mom probably invokes the best version of him, making him realize perhaps the aspects of it he did love: feeding and serving others, especially someone who means a lot to him…and then sitting with her while she eats

There’s something so healing and peaceful about watching Carm walk through his old room (I know there were some theories about it being Mikey’s room but I think the scene would have been setup differently if it was, the background song - which is phenomenal btw, the way it’s acted, the way he treats everything in the room, it would have all been very different) touching his old stuff, and with a reverent look on his face for his past self. And then finding Claire’s sweatshirt. That’s the most vacant expression we see from him in this episode, when he looks at it. Not saying anything else but…just saying. I can’t read his face.

Him going back to the restaurant, talking to Richard, and then going into the refrigerator and leaving Jimmy that voicemail. Jimmy deserves that voicemail, did almost 2 seasons ago. Carm finally realizes someone else who has always had faith in him who he let down. And you can see the pain of that failure on his face plainly, and in the sincerity of his words. This is some of the clearest thoughts he has ever communicated through words on this show.

Carm is so soft. He is the ultimate soft, caring, loving guy who cares so much it destroys him. I’m not absolving him of being neurotic for all of season 3, but I’m just saying that when he is good….he is SO good. I hated him in season 3, but I know that was intentional. He hated himself. But this season, we see him trying, in every episode, every scene. He is trying. And he lets us in, even as the viewers, just as he lets them all in, bit by bit. Slowly, but maybe steadily.

4x09

Hoooooo boy. This episode was a lot for me. Like, genuinely was squealing at the tv watching this.

Ebra is kind of a legend, honestly. He is carrying the window, working so hard, his crew respects the shit out of him, and frankly so does everyone else in the restaurant and Computer too!! I’m interested to see where this side storyline goes

Marcus/Luca/Chester, girl please what is going on. Does Chester want to kill him or kiss him I do not know. Marcus is also so dismissive of him which is so funny cuz he is normally so sweet and gentle. I also love the scene after with Sydney reassuring Chester that it’s okay that Marcus has someone else he can talk to, it’s just too funny and random

Tina got her time!!! Luca and Jess are so precious ohmygod they did so good they did it without pressuring her and she nailed it. I want Tina to be my godmother.

Richie/Carmy the convo after yk what (coming up later) is so precious and amazing, you can just see Carmy’s relief and how much he truly loves his mother despite all the grief she gave them, and Richie is so good and careful with Carm aaaaa, their best interaction this season (besides 4x10 ofc)

Sydney/Jimmy ohmygod Jimmy is so so amazing, what a great uncle, he loves these goofs so much, and we see how much he has truly come to think of Syd as the heart and soul of the restaurant too (just like the others think her to be) and Syd revealing how much she truly does not trust herself to do things right but everyone else knowing she fully can

Marcus gets best new chef!! That man is precious and must be protected at all costs Bonus: Syd’s face when Nat yells “Hey fuckers” is priceless, and Carmy IMMEDIATELY looking at Syd when Nat says one of the chefs who has been named best new chef works at the restaurant is pure baiting by the writers like do u really expect me to NOT read into that…and every single person’s pure unbridled joy when Nat says it’s Marcus is so heartwearming to see

Another note on that I’ve noticed: Carm has always been gentle with Marcus (ofc except in 1x07 when he is a GIANT asshole), but no matter how much of a bum he is being to everyone else, he is so gentle with Marcus. The scene in 3x02 after he is absolutely insufferable about everything the entire episode, his chat with Marcus about his mom is so sincere and so real and he genuinely wants Marcus to know he has his back. And Marcus is so good with him too, real, but gentle. And determined. It’s phenomenal.

4x07

I have way too many thoughts about this one but here’s my main highlights/takeaways:

Syd/Richie in the alley, the evolution of their relationship is so beautiful in this show I love that he brings her as emotional support, also “Will you mind holding my cigarette for a second I think I’m gonna throw up” IMMEDIATELY iconic

Frank/Richie and their delicate friendship is so precious because it is clearly hard for both of them being in the position they are for several reasons, but they work together for the little girl who is now both of theirs

Richie/Frank/Eva/Claire/Carm/Sugar I love the part where Richie goes “dog died 3 years ago and you didn’t even like him what’s really going on” good sir how can you both be gentle and reprimand your child in the same sentence, he is such a good dad

Carmy/Tiff/Frank where Tiff is so soft and Carmy is really trying and Frank is honestly SO nice

The Faks (yeah I don’t LOVE them either, Neil is definitely preferred to Ted), but this convo they have with Francie…yeah dude she is the scary Fak for sure

Richie/Jimmy where Richie admits he realized that among all the rocks in that story he is the sand (you are my baby you are)

Carmy/Donna and u can tell Carmy is starting to have a panic attack and then + Syd/Richie swooping in to save him (Richie still hates his guts but reads his cousin like a book and wants to protect him anyway, what a gem of a guy), also Carmy STILL remembering to introduce Syd despite his panic, and then Donna asking “u work for Carmy” and Syd saying yes and Richie being like “fuck that I will say how much of a gangster you are if you won’t” and Carmy holding onto Richie’s arm on his shoulder for dear life, lord this scene is so loaded

Carmy/Lee this convo is so long but mainly CARM WAS AT THE FUNERAL!! Lee is okay I think? I know Lee “not” telling him to go see his mom is another reason Carmy actually does it in the next episode, and showing Carm he is similar to his mom, which is true

Syd/Donna miss Sydney this is your love confession to his mother girl please why have u not told Carm that the best meal of your life was his but you’re telling her PLEASE, also “your work family is part of your family” crying

Carmy/Syd/Stevie later, first off the way Carmy RELAXES when he sees Syd, them both actually genuinely smiling at each other for the first time in a LONG time, maybe ever, Syd defending Donna the same way Pete defended Donna in 2x10, not sure if Carmy is embarrassed of Donna or curious about her or maybe both which is why he asks so many questions; Stevie joining the convo (also before he does Carm literally cannot take his eyes off Syd and sheeee spots Stevie first and says hi) and talking about Carm being their roommate in New York “oh the most cigarettes ever” and Syd finding it adorably endearing and Carmy being shy and embarrassed and explaining himself

Table scene prob needs its own post but I will just say I love this scene and how we see everyone’s personalities so clearly in it and that picture please I want to be in it and I also need it framed for my living room

Carmy/Eva “Hi uncle Carmy” “Hi baby how we doing” SOFT CARM IS TOO MUCH I AM GONNA CRY

All of them dancing at the end, Jimmy being soft with Tiff, Tiff crying with Richie, Richie dancing with Syd, Nat and Pete just dancing unbothered by others, Eva finally dancing with Frank and Richie looking on fondly, Claire and Carm also sure I guess (it is definitely some personality resolution for Carm I can admit that)

I am sure I am missing aspects but I just love this episode so much in general it has so many resolutions

4x08

Some people called it a filler episode, but I genuinely think it does so much for the characters:

Sydney’s nightmare, we see that she has definitely not dealt with her mom’s death, and that as she told Eva, her biggest fear is failing

Its also sets it up as a literal parallel to Carmy’s nightmare from 1x08, which is just a little bit more unhinged (exactly like Carmy), but basically the same

They set some seeds early in the season for Adam being weird and a bit tokenized trying to be cool and now I am sure he was always a little weird

Carmy finally nailing the lamb courtesy Syd(‘s dress) and Syd taking a pic of it, which btw we have NEVER seen her do before of the food, so maybe she sees the homage to her in there (i dont think she fully realizes what it means but she sees it)

Syd basically convincing Carmy with 5 words to go see his mother who he almost had a panic attack seeing the last time but he does because Syd said to

Marcus makes a decision about his dad and he bonds with Luca, they both say they’re fucked up, but it’s good because it makes them fantastic at their jobs (yikes but also awww)

Luca being damn adorable and offering Tina some very real advice, and calming her nerves, he is perfect, 0 notes, I accept no criticism

RICHARD AND JESSICA!!!!!!! I have no words here they are so good and so cute and Richard deserves the world, I also accept no criticism. “May I?” “You may” “Got it” *thumbs up* *walks away* *Jess turns and stares at him smiling a little silly* that thumbs up fully sent me

Sugar and Computer’s convo. This is the softest we’ve seen Computer. He’s obviously still being practical, but he is gentle with Nat. Nat’s hope is so damn heartbreaking because my heart is breaking right with her. She loves this restaurant and these people so much. She is the backbone.

Carmy’s visit to his home. Calling Claire. Again, they are pushing this Claire narrative so hard. I think she’s good for him, in some ways. But, he also definitely lies to her saying “I don’t remember” when she asks when he was last home. Why, I couldn’t tell you, I don’t know. She just feels…like deliberately perfect to me? And I think, as I said in an earlier post, that is done intentionally to shake us. Like every character in this show is so weird and so flawed and she is just universally loved and adored by all of them like she’s perfect? Nope. Something is cooking here, I just don’t know what yet.

4x06

We for sure see Carm taking inspo for the lamb he is“forever” stuck on from Syd’s green and yellow dress in 4x07, but we also see it before that:

In 3x09 when Syd and Carmy are arguing, he’s working on the lamb, when he “I’m sorry it’s so hard to keep up with me”-s her and she walks away defeated cause he says nothing else to explain himself. The last shot we see of Syd is her blue and white headscarf and IMMEDIATELY after we see Carmen intensely staring at the lamb he was making for a solid 10-20 seconds and then we get zoom in on the blue and white color of the plating in the lamb, just like her scarf. He stares at it intensely, throws it in the bin, and then walks to refrigerator and closes himself in.

This is him literally realizing Syd is his soul and the emotions of it being so much he goes back into the fridge. I know after he actually goes in we just get all his Claire pining but I think that’s the writers intentionally throwing us off to make us think Claire is endgame when all the subtle signs point to Sydney being endgame. And also that being exactly what Carmy is doing to himself.