Steffie Molla

I often find myself thinking about what the point of constant pain, suffering and struggle is.

Everyone deals with some level of strife in their life but it seems like some of us get dealt more of the short end then others.

I’ll sit lying in my bed, experiencing another sleepless, pain-ridden night- knowing it’s something some will never experience. Or at least to some, it’s few to far between, not a daily occurrence.

I can only hope from what I know and that’s- we grow from our experience.

Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, eventually something beautiful will come of that.

“This too shall pass” “You have to keep moving forward” “you’ve survived 100% of your worst days”

These are lame to hear sometimes but they’re true.

When we are at our lowest point, in our worst amount of pain or in a deep point of suffering- it’s impossible to know anything else.

Don’t let it consume you.

I’d like to believe that if something different was supposed to happen it would have- so we are all exactly on our journey the way it is supposed to be.

I had surgery for my first bulging disc in my neck back in 2017. I now have another one right under my disc replacement (this is common- especially after the 5 year mark).

The disc itself causes a lot of stress and pain to the areas around it “picking up the slack”- like my shoulders, head and other muscles.

It makes my shoulders feel tight and my head feel heavy-

I often, on a bad pain day, say “my head feels like a bowling ball”.

“Hustle Culture” (digital version)

I’m going to say what I need to hear-

You are worth more than your output. You deserve rest. You deserve more than 2 days off. You deserve more than feeling burnt out after work…

You deserve having time and energy for things you enjoy.

And you shouldn’t have to spend or save your PTO for sick days or doctors appointments.

And made to feel guilty for that.

‘I'm sorry for everything, oh, everything I've done

From the second that I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun

And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved”

By @imaginedragons (broiler remix only- it’s a bop)

This song touches on the feeling of self-destruction.

It is a powerful thing to know when you are the cause of pain the those around you or even to yourself. But you do need to also know when it is all in your head.

Your friends don’t hate you, that situation wasn’t as bad as you thought.

The only people in the world who have been with me from day one on my health journey is my parents.

These are the people who have seen it all, and even though they don’t do “everything” for me as when I was a minor- they still are my emergency contacts in life.

I completely understand anyone I just met not understanding my disability- because even myself and my parents who have dealt with it since day one still struggle.

That’s a fear I’ve fought to overcome- of myself & my inner circle can’t cope, how can I expect anyone new to?

But I’ve come to realize it’s not about fully understanding or even being able to cope. Someone even just going the mile to listen, have empathy and honestly- be an adult…

Goes a long way.

Prints?! Prints!!! Which is your fav?

My sizes run from 4x6-14x17 (for now 😉)

‘Perception’ with custom frame 💀

8x10

Mixed Media, gouache, ink and acrylic (version)

3 people can witness the same event but retell the story of it completely different.

But you’d be surprised the people you meet and make connections with when you are… and quickly learn who not to trust.

‘Your on Your Own Kid’ with custom frame 🐍

14x17

Mixed Media, gouache, ink and acrylic (version)

‘Self Care’ in it’s handmade custom frame 💜

Gouache, ink and acrylic on watercolor Paper

14x17 in