FROM THE DEVIL

his blazer hangs casually folded over one arm, as he stands leaned against the wooden door frame. an invisible line keeps him from stepping inside. lestat had high hopes that by now louis would have jumped at the chance at berating him, but he is unresponsive. clear blues bore into him as he studies the back of his head, his shoulders, waiting for something to move. lestat becomes piqued, realising that nothing will. then he punctures the awful silence between them himself.

it is a miracle that it elicits a response at all; he half-expected to be shut out in the cold of his indifference for another eternity. lestat drops his jacket on the floor and walks slowly towards him as soon as he speaks. “i do,” he answers him, low and simple. do you? by now he knows it is better not to ask. blond brows knit together to form a frown. the hint of something in his voice feels as though he is tossing him a bone and lestat leaps for the attention. “who?” he asks when he stands nearer him, his eyes gliding down his person, stopping at the arms keeping the robe tugged in tight. does he think that is enough to hold in whatever it is he feels. lestat can’t tell if it love or hatred, jealousy or pity. 

a half-smile tainted his pink lips and louis wished he could wipe it off his face. "yeah, it mustn't." he agreed with a furrow of his brow. louis glanced down at his hand then. watched pale fingers feathering over his skin. only then did he notice just how tight his grip on his robe had become. louis let go a little bit --- but he did not surrender to the affectionate declaration which had been offered to him. something sweet and tender ... a white flag after one of the most tumultuous seasons of their relationship. louis felt his shoulders relaxing. suddenly his teeth didn't feel like tearing anymore.

It should be no surprise to Armand that, when he sees Louis again for the first time since... well, everything, it's with a melancholy spike of fondness that he doesn't bother to try and hide. He's missed Louis. He's missed having someone to give shape and purpose to his days and night, but he's missed Louis.

Armand is drawn to him, just as he was that first night he set eyes on him in the park in Paris. He thinks, now, that it is impossible not to be drawn to him, and he does not try to resist the magnetism. It would be a futile effort anyway. Louis is the sun, orbited by anyone and everyone that comes close to him.

"Louis," he begins, soft and fond and awed. He'd thought he'd never be granted the opportunity to share space with him again, and yet here they are, in the same room, and Louis had not fled or lashed out. Armand blinks, big eyes vibrant and wide, and looks away. There is so much he wants to say, but none of it would be adequate.

he felt him then. his presence took hold of his nervous system. and before his name was ever uttered, louis was already facing the other vampire. "armand." his warm stare brought memories of a life shared. when his hand came closer to his, louis felt one finger instinctively twitch towards the source of warmth. and after so many empty nights in the home they had built together, armand burned brighter than any flame.

despite the anger bubbling beneath the surface, there was still nostalgia for the time they had spent together --- it had been love, right? they had loved each other? or versions of each other? at the same time? --- these questions were too humiliating to ask. even when the vampire before him offered such inviting thoughts to latch on to. despite it all, louis did not move nor smile. he simply eyed armand with the same conflicting emotions the exhibit awoke in him.

❛   i grew to love her. ❜ truth. he had no attachment at first -- she was a headache , but she was new &* sparkly &* he liked how happy she made louis. he picks absently at his nails , a frown pulling at his lips. ❛   it was never her fault ... my distance. i knew -------- i knew she would die eventually. the great laws ... or by her own hand. ❜ he swallows again , clears his throat. ❛   i never had parents to model after. my mother showed her love by showing me nothing at all. kept her distance. showed no joy or pain. my father beat me within an inch of my life. ❜ he knows the past does not reshape the future , but it gives a view into his life that he does not share with others.

❛   i knew she would bring pain to whomever she went near just with her simple act of creation. my concern was minimizing your pain in the end. i clearly did a great job of it. ❜ a sad laugh , those blood red tears once more stinging his eyes. ❛ she didn't deserve my jealousy. my vitriol.   she could not help her creation. the ... circumstances behind it. ❜

rain pitter pattered against the window of his room as lestat spoke of his parents. louis remembered the complex oddities of his paramour's relationship with his mother and the horrors met under his father's hand ... it had made him wish to rip through time and space when he had first learned of lestat's unfortunate upbringing. oh, if he could have shielded a younger softer lestat from the world, if he could have broken the wrists of those who had raised their hands at him --- if he could have been the one to kill magnus before he ever laid his eyes upon lestat ... he'd have spared his ex-lover from such great tragedies. he'd also have denied himself his biggest joy ... but still, it would have been worth it. he'd finally have been able to save someone he loved.

"you didn't know shit." the words stumbled out of his mouth with a scoff. he was attempting to dodge melancholy in his own asinine way. many fights of theirs had started due to these stubborn remnants of a life of masks and playing pretend.

louis shook his head. he appeared to be annoyed. "don't talk about her like she was doomed from the start, we weren't." he bit the inside of his cheek, suddenly ashamed of the selfish slip of his tongue. " --- she wasn't." had this been the torturous wheel he had forced claudia into? one which spun around and around because he and lestat were constantly chasing each other?

feel free to change the pronouns

"If I could just go back. If I could rub everything out… starting with myself."

"To my ear, jazz is just noise. Just an insolent noise."

"I can tell you, the _______ name opens a lot of doors."

"I have so much luggage, and you’re so, um, streamlined. It’s, you know, humiliating."

"We’re partners in disguise."

"Hello. Uh, well, I knew you…so I suppose you must have known me."

"I’ve been looking all over for you. Where’ve you been hiding?"

"Did you suddenly forget where I lived?"

"I’m despicable, but I love you."

"Everybody should have one talent. What’s yours?"

"Nobody should have more than one talent."

"It’s too much! You’re making all the hairs on my neck stand up."

"I’m never going back."

"To actually hire somebody to come all the way here to drag me back home– Got to be a little insane, hasn’t he?"

"Call him, if you can find a telephone that works, and tell him wild horses wouldn’t drag me back to him."

"Boats are female. Everyone knows you can’t call a boat after a man."

"I can’t write and I can’t spell. It’s the privilege of a first-class education."

"Now that you’re a double agent and we’re gonna string my dad along, what if we were to buy a car with your expense money?"

"You’re breaking my ribs!"

"I love the fact that you brought Shakespeare with you but no clothes."

"Anyway, just wear some of my stuff. Wear anything you want. Most of it’s ancient."

"Without the glasses, you’re not even ugly. I don’t need them because I never read."

"It means we’ve never shared a bath, and I’m cold. Can I get in?"

"Stop telling me what an incredible time you’re having."

"He wants me to reassure him that you’re going to be home by Thanksgiving."

"You’ve got to get a new jacket. Really. You must be sick of wearing the same clothes."

"I love how responsible you are. My dad should make you chief accountant or something. Or when I take over, which is never, I will."

"Oh, God, don’t you want to fuck every woman you see just once?"

"Would you get undressed in your own room?"

"I was just fooling around. Don’t say anything. I was just fooling around."

"You, uh, stay at _______’s house, you eat _______’s food, you wear his clothes, and his father picks up the tab."

"The thing with _______ ... It’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold."

"When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world. That’s why everybody loves him."

"How can it take an hour to find an ambulance?!"

"I don’t know why people say this country is civilized. It isn’t. It’s fucking primitive!"

"You don’t have to clean up! Really!"

"You’ve been so good to me. You’re the brother I never had. I’m the brother you never had. I would do anything for you."

"She came to me for help. She needed money. I didn’t help her."

"I’m not going to say anything, to the police or anybody. It’s a secret between us, and I’ll keep it."

"You could hardly expect this to go on forever."

"You said it yourself. It’s my dad’s money you’re spending."

"I’m suddenly quite happy to be going back."

"Do you even like jazz, or was that for my benefit?"

"I’ve gotten to like everything about the way you live. It’s one big love affair."

"I figured-Now, just for argument’s sake, say I got a place. Or say we split the rent on a house."

"Yesterday, you’re ogling girls on the terrace. Today you’re getting married?! That’s absurd!"

"You love me. You’re not marrying me."

"I don’t love you."

"To be honest, I’m a little relieved you’re going. I think we’ve seen enough of each other for a while."

"You can be a leech! You know that! And it’s boring. You can be quite boring!"

"The funny thing is, I’m not pretending to be somebody else, and you are. I’ve been absolutely honest with you about my feelings, But you-"

"First of all, I know there’s something. That evening, when we played chess, for instance, it was obvious."

"Oh, sure. No, no! It’s too dangerous for you to take on. Oh, no, no. We’re brothers! "

"You follow your cock around like a-And now you’re getting married! No, I’m bewildered. Forgive me."

"Who are you? Some third-class mooch? Who are you? Who are you to say anything to me! Who are you to tell me anything!"

"Actually, I really, really do not want to be on this boat with you. I can’t move without you moving."

"I’m gonna kill you! Kill you! You’re dead!"

"There’s a side to him when our heads are on the pillow, I know no one else sees, that’s so tender."

"The truth is that if you’ve had money your entire life, either you despise it, or you’re only truly comfortable around other people who have it and despise it."

"I look at you and I see her face. And I can’t- No matter what I’m feeling towards you–"

"But will you meet me tomorrow? Just to say goodbye properly, you know, in the daylight, so it’s not just this. You should always save pain for daylight."

"Last time you didn’t know your ass from your elbow. Now you’re giving me directions. That’s not fair. You probably do know your ass from your elbow."

"I won’t count on you anymore. Whatever it is you’ve done or haven’t done, you’ve broken my heart. That’s one thing I know you’re guilty of."

"You’re much more like the son my father wanted."

"I realize you can change the people, change the scenery, but you can’t change your own rotten self."

"I’m haunted by everything I’ve done and can’t undo."

"I’m delighted, contrary to rumor, that you’re still in one piece."

"By the way, officially there are no Italian homosexuals. Makes Michelangelo and Leonardo very inconvenient."

"Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn’t it, in your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they’re a bad person."

"Don’t you just take the past and put it in a room in the basement, and lock the door and never go in there? And then you meet someone special, and all you want to do is toss them the key. Say “Open up. Step inside.” But you can’t. Because it’s dark, and there are demons."

"I keep wanting to do that. Fling the door open. Just let the light in, clean everything out."

What a waste of lives and opportunities. I’d pay that fellow $ 100 right now to shut up!"

"You know, people always say that you can’t choose your parents, but you can’t choose your children."

"I loved you. You may as well know. I loved you. Maybe it’s grotesque of me to say this now, so just write it on a piece of paper or something, and put it in your wallet for a rainy day."

"When you see where you live from a distance, it’s like a dream, isn’t it?"

"You know, seeing you again, I–I’ve thought about you, so much."

"I’m gonna be stuck in the basement, aren’t I? That’s my... Terrible…and alone…and dark. And I’ve lied…about who I am…and where I am. Now no one will ever find me."

"I always thought it would be better to be a fake somebody, than a real nobody."

and tangled, and tangled. eyes flitted from one side of the room to the next, unable to discern , how .. to answer. regret slides off from his face as the faraway sounds of paris carried with the breeze that sucked itself in that room. lights flared higher and higher before settling to an ashy smoke. no, he shouldn't have said that. he nears, taking a few, gradual steps around the affronted boot until he was standing next to the seat where louis had curled into. he had never seen him do this. PASSIN' FANCY ― he says ― S'THAT HOW YOU SEE ME ? something akin to a lump festered in the back of his throat, despite the burn that came with bloodied tears ― nothing came, as he forbade such emotion , dissect & cut it from the equation. armand was not .. good, and understanding the intentions, was not as well versed in romance.

armand reached out first. and louis had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched. it would be embarrassing to fold the moment the other man brushed his fingers over his skin...wouldn't it? emerald eyes met honeyed ones and, against louis' wishes, his expression softened. armand was right to have been displeased with louis' avoidance. he just did not know how to comfort him. brown fingers twitched.

after a moment of shared silence, louis turned his hand so that its' palm was facing up, offering itself to be held by armand. "do you trust me?" louis asked as carefully as he could. while his paramour doubted whether his love was honest and true, the american could not help but wonder if the mere concept of trust had been overlooked ; their love affair had begun to be celebrated amongst both of them, perhaps they had forgotten to gift each other some faith.

it stings under his ribs. the rejection is the same as it had been in london weeks ago, from which he barely recovered. it defies what little logic lestat possesses that louis will follow him to europe, pin him against a wall in a lousy nightclub, but he won’t come ‘home’ with him. “merde,” he says, catching his breath as louis takes a long look at him. lestat turns his face a little to one side, blue eyes directed away from his, “you are right. i am needy. i am desperate.” a brief, humorless chuckle passes his lips and the blond shakes his head. he thinks he should free himself and go back into the crowd people, but his limbs are heavy, reluctant to part with louis’. 

he reluctantly withdraws his hand and with it he reaches for louis’ wrist and uses it haul him closer. it is a rougher touch than those that precede it. lestat keeps both their hands trapped between their chests, “if you want fuck me and leave, then get it over with,”  the faint glimmer of hope has gone and with it his submissiveness, “get me out of your system.” in the end, he figures that it is what it comes down to. he understands (there is no one like louis to him either). but lestat doesn’t give him the chance to speak before he is letting go and pushing past him, shoulder brushing against shoulder. he only takes a few steps and then he undresses himself in a way that is fast and crude. “all yours,” he adds, as a final touch to his drama, arms making an awkward gesture down his body. 

"the fuck's wrong with you?"

is all he managed to drawl before turning around to find a now naked lestat. his rage hesitates in manifesting then. his pitch black stare is painfully aware of the frenchman's exposed body but does its' best not to travel through the lines of an anatomy he had once known so well. is it manipulation? is it resignation? is lust all which fuels the blond nowadays? louis cannot tell. a storm grows in the depths of his stomach which he cannot tame; he wants to fight lestat. wants to love lestat. to both hurt him and fall to his knees in quiet devotion.

louis who had been a master of his instincts until lestat sauntered back into his life ( beautiful and regal ) now found himself unable to gnaw himself free from the leash which chained his heart to his maker. but louis is stubborn; he will not surrender. not without a fight.

"did you not hear a word i said?" he spat out while pointing at his own ear. he dared stepping closer to the other man while purposely ignoring lestat's state of undress. "or has all the blood drained from that thick skull of yours down to your dick?" louis is glaring into his eyes. but the frustration boiling within him does not beckon him to hurt lestat. quite the opposite.