Sara Lance

Sara Lance - The White Canary

“Is that a fucking gremlin?”

“What about words like tits, pussy, twatch, snatch, clitface, cuntface, thundercunt, dipshit, douchebag, dumbass, dumbfuck?”

“I lost like 13 pounds.”

“I’m gonna sell your organs on the black market!”

“I love the energy guys, love the energy.”

“You wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“A fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anyone. You, however, I would maim.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a glass of diet air with that?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I asked you first!”

“Why do you say ‘how you say’ before words you clearly know how to say?”

“Knock knock! Who’s there? No one! That’s right! Because you are going to die alone!”

“The only straight I am is a straight up bitch.”

“At this rate, I’m gonna be naked on a cross with a sword in my stomach by Study Hall!”

“Fuck no, you guys are assholes.”

“You were supposed to be watching the door!”

“She’s a pencil, she’s a swizzle stick.”

“You can use her as a pool noodle.”

“Arms!”

“A girl lost her fucking arms!”

“Oh my god! How could do you this to us?”

“and I’m Ben Affleck!”

“Live with that!”

“I would apologize but I don’t really give a fuck.”

“This is high school, not an episode of fucking Lizzie McGuire.”

“My cat just died.”

“The only man who wants to fuck me is my 48 year old manager at [place of business].”

“Oh, that’s funy. Maybe I can show you what your fucking spleen looks like.”

“Amateur porn doesn’t count.”

“How’s your fucking cock-eyed nipple?”

“Heard your fourth death was free. Gotta love those free Netherrealm punch cards.”

“It’s the crack!”

“There isn’t any crack.”

“You are the calm breeze of this fuckstorm of a life I’m living.”

“How about you try to be a little more thanking and giving and a little bit less being a bitch?”

“Fuck your boyfriend.”

“I hope you burn in hell for the shitty things you did today.”

“You’re not the least bit clever.”

“Your only talent is opening your legs up to penises that would rather be inside of me!”

“And a diet coke. No, strawberry shake. No, diet coke. No! BOTH!”

“I’ll suck your dick right now!”

send me a number from 1-25, without peeking, and i will choose the suiting option for our muses and write up a drabble/starter/moment according to the image! (trigger warning for graphic sexual content and other mature themes)

Well, I don’t like to talk about it, but I know things. People have called it a gift, but it’s really more of a burden.

How much time do I have to formulate a comeback?

I make nerds look goooood.

For what it’s worth, I didn’t know you were gonna say it, but I was happy when you did.

I don’t want to go back to the way things were.

It’s only awkward because you want it to be.

Is it illegal? Yes. Is it immoral? You bet. Are we going to investigate it? Of course not.

I fear change and that should be respected.

A lot of better ideas are coming to me as I’m standing here, but why don’t we let the past be the past?

I’m able to hold as many as two thoughts in my head at once.

When you asked me why I was single and I said it was because you hadn’t asked me out… I thought it was my last day.

Honestly, it just sounded like a good line. I hardly ever land those.

I’ve got a 13-day streak going of being a good boyfriend.

You and I and God and everybody knows that.

Of course I’m upset. Are you kidding me? I’m flipping out! Holy shit. What the fuck did I do?

I used to be exactly the person that you wanted to see in these moments.

If there was a way to blame it on you, don’t you think I would have done that by now?

I’ll make you this promise: I’m gonna be with you all night. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here.

Don’t misunderstand, I was moved that your first instinct was to impress upon me how hard you tried to lie.

Soon they’ll surely be in hell, though not soon enough.

It’s literally impossible not to mock this.

I’d tell you to call me and let me know how it goes, but I’ve got you on Google Alert.

While those are sentences and everything, they’re not a plan.

I am. I’m blaming you for trying.

Would it mean anything if I told you that was a terrible idea?

I think you got home and for a minute, just a minute, you forgot that you were mad at me. You forgot for a minute that you’d made a pledge to be mad at me for the rest of your life.

Sometimes, you’re not as cute as you think you are.

Am I about to be murdered?

I thought they were really good except for the parts that weren’t.

Is there somebody inside you operating you with controls?

You don’t meet me halfway. You meet me the whole way.

We know the questions. Why aren’t we insisting on answers?

Let me start with a really tough question and I want you to take your time and think about it. Are you ready? What’s your name?

We are going to expel or dismiss or expunge the notion that I am damaged.

You think I’m disposed to doing you a favour?

You said this stunt wasn’t gonna fuck anything up.

I saw Titanic for the first time. You know how I am about sad movies and the title suggested it wasn’t gonna end well.

Do you see how things are worse than they were before?

I don’t know how to predict his behaviour anymore. Or yours.

You should enjoy me while I’m here, ‘cause as soon as I leave, so does the attention.

Do you know that or are you guessing?

I really do think tonight is one of those nights when you should just do everything I tell you to do.

I know this isn’t your fault, but I really do hate you anyway. I don’t care that it’s irrational. It is what it is. Tonight I root for your failure.

I’d give anything to feel rage. It’d trump the humiliation and I’d be able to get up.

I’m saying you don’t have a very high opinion of yourself and I don’t get it. You’re impressive.

The thing is, I’m afraid to sleep alone at night, so sometimes I go out.

I also don’t believe in Santa Claus, but if I saw eight reindeer take flight… 

Being afraid of her is just good common sense.

I am not unskilled in the ways of courtship.

I haven’t read the whole thing, but I read from page eight to—well, I’ve read most of page eight.

I can’t say anything that would make you feel worse than you do right now.

I need some kind of sign from you. I need an indication, some kind of indication, that you fully understand the stupidity of this.

What kind of ambition? Congress, Dancing With the Stars?

'Cause you wouldn’t make it in jail. I’d survive, but you wouldn’t. In fact, I’d thrive.

How much of what you’re saying do you believe right now?

Why so glum, sugarplum? 

You will resign when I fire you out of petty malice and not before.

One’s enjoyable to me and the other would cause a lot of pain. It’s not even a choice.

I know it’s your first time, so don’t worry that you’re going to be bad at this.

Is there an ancient grudge between your two families?

You know I’m in no mood to be fucked around with, right?

I’m alarmed by how little sleep you’ve had.

You look like you were grown in an environment where it’s dark and damp.

This is the worst situation you’ve ever faced in your life, right?

You know what, hon? Can I just say fuck you?

King George forgave America in less time than it’s taking you to forgive me.

I wish I were less aware of the reality. I’d like to be stupid right now.

I think it’s commendable and pretty shocking that you want to do something just because it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not the right thing to do.

Look at my face. Does it seem like I want to be sassed?

It’s funny the things people try to control when they feel like they’re not in control.

If I was joking, you’d be laughing. Are you laughing?

What if I keep talking in rhetorical questions until you just can’t take it anymore?

I’m agreeing. Do I have to be happy about it?

He hates me, but if I only worked with people who liked me, I’d have to make my dog a partner.

There are principles of… principle here.

Look, I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, but you haven’t had the most awesome history of being right lately.

If I hadn’t told you, you’d never have known.

Are you sure you’re not just a massive bag of douche?

I brutally hurt you and that’s a fact. And facts don’t change. But in my lifetime I’ve never done it intentionally.

I’m smart enough to know that I’m not smart enough.

There is hardly anyone who’s good enough for you, including, it turned out, me.

Is there anything that’ll convince you it wasn’t your fault?

There’s a difference between being tough and wanting to be.

I believe, except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right.

And the laundry list of embarrassing things? I’ve got to tell you, I’m not embarrassed.

Will you marry me? And let me just say I really think you should. I think you should say yes.

inspired  by  devotedecay’s  non - sexual  acts  of  dominance  meme  ! send  in  one  of  these  for  my  muse’s  reaction  to  … (  add  ❝  reverse  ❞   if  you’d  like  to  see  how  my  muse  would  preform  the  action  !  )

[ shower ]   your muse joining mine in the shower.

[ choke ]   your muse choking mine.

[ kiss + soft ]   your muse pulling mine into a tender kiss.

[ kiss + rough ]   your muse pulling mine into a rough kiss.

[ pin ]   your muse pinning mine down.

[ wrists ]   your muse roughly grabbing mine by the wrists.

[ push ]   your muse pushing mine into bed.

[ rip + clothing ]   your muse tearing a piece of clothing off my muse.

[ spank ]   your muse spanking mine.

[ pull ]   your muse pulling my muses hair.

[ talk ]   your muse talking dirty to mine.

[ eyes ]   your muse making mine look them in the eyes during.

[ down ]   your muse pulling mine down by their collar / clothes.

[ knees ]   your muse telling mine to get on their knees.

[ hips ]   your muse pulling mine in close by the hips.

[ denial ]   your muse putting mine through orgasm denial.

[ many ]   your muse making mine orgasm over and over.

[ tied ]   your muse tying my muse down.

[ lazy ]   your muse lazily beginning to touch mine.

[ love ]   your muse telling mine they love them during.

[ dominance ]   your muse taking the lead and dominating mine.

[ submission ]   your muse letting mine take the lead and submitting to them.

[ humiliation ]   your muse humiliating mine, re: name-calling and verbal abuse.

[ pain ]   your muse hurting mine in bed, whether intentionally or not.

[ knife ]   your muse using a knife in bed, whether for threat or actually cutting mine.

[ hidden ]   your muse having sex with mine somewhere semi-public.

[ public ]   your muse having sex with mine in public, whee other people watch.

[ adore ]   your muse being near reverent with mine in bed.

[ dress ]   your muse having mine dress up in lingerie.

[ eat ]   your muse eating mine out.

[ sleep ]   your muse touching / beginning to have sex with mine while they’re asleep.

[ gag ]   your muse gagging mine, or or making them be quiet.

[ blindfold ]   your muse blindfolding mine.

[ praise ]   your muse praising mine in bed.

[ good ]   your muse calling mine a good boy / girl.

[ want ]   your muse telling mine they want them.

[ snarl ]   your muse growling and / or baring their teeth at mine during sex.

[ mark ]   your muse purposefully marking mine up with bruises, hickies, ect.

No explicit NSFW, but some could be interpreted that way. Alter as necessary!

SOFT

“Your hands are so warm.”

“Ah, that feels good…”

“Wait… are you braiding my hair?”

“Is it okay if I lean on you?”

“Just hold me for awhile. Please.”

“You don’t mind me touching you there, right?”

“Oh! I didn’t mean to fall asleep leaning on you.”

“Don’t stop stroking my hair…”

“Be gentle with me.”

“Y’know, I could go for a back rub right now. Just saying.”

“Please… Kiss me, even if it’s just this once.”

“I bet I’m strong enough to pick you up.”

“Can I use your lap as a pillow?”

“Touch me. I don’t care how. I just need to feel something right now…”

“I could kiss you all over.”

“That tickles!”

“Mind washing my back for me?”

“I didn’t know you were the cuddling type.”

“I love how soft your lips are.”

“Don’t get up just yet, I’ll miss having you next to me.”

“No one’s kissed me like that in a long time.”

ROUGH

“Ow! That fucking hurt!”

“Keep talking, and I’ll seriously slap the shit out of you.”

“You stepped on my foot!”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Please be more gentle next time…”

“Don’t squeeze so tight!”

“Hey, don’t touch me there. It hurts.”

“Did you just bite me?!”

“Next time I’ll hit you like I mean it.”

“Is that the best you’ve got?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’ll make you bleed.”

“You really can’t take a hit, can you?”

“Hey!! What was that for?!”

“Shit, are you crying? I didn’t mean to do it that hard.”

“That stung a little. Go easy on me next time.”

“Don’t tell me you can’t handle a little sparring.”

“You almost knocked me over!”

“I won’t stop until I hear you scream.”

“That’s gonna leave a bruise…”

inspired  by  devotedecay’s  non - sexual  acts  of  dominance  meme  ! send  in  one  of  these  for  my  muse’s  reaction  to  … (  add  ❝  reverse  ❞   if  you’d  like  to  see  how  my  muse  would  preform  the  action  !  )

[ shower ]   your muse joining mine in the shower.

[ choke ]   your muse choking mine.

[ kiss + soft ]   your muse pulling mine into a tender kiss.

[ kiss + rough ]   your muse pulling mine into a rough kiss.

[ pin ]   your muse pinning mine down.

[ wrists ]   your muse roughly grabbing mine by the wrists.

[ push ]   your muse pushing mine into bed.

[ rip + clothing ]   your muse tearing a piece of clothing off my muse.

[ spank ]   your muse spanking mine.

[ pull ]   your muse pulling my muses hair.

[ talk ]   your muse talking dirty to mine.

[ eyes ]   your muse making mine look them in the eyes during.

[ down ]   your muse pulling mine down by their collar / clothes.

[ knees ]   your muse telling mine to get on their knees.

[ hips ]   your muse pulling mine in close by the hips.

[ denial ]   your muse putting mine through orgasm denial.

[ many ]   your muse making mine orgasm over and over.

[ tied ]   your muse tying my muse down.

[ lazy ]   your muse lazily beginning to touch mine.

[ love ]   your muse telling mine they love them during.

[ dominance ]   your muse taking the lead and dominating mine.

[ submission ]   your muse letting mine take the lead and submitting to them.

[ humiliation ]   your muse humiliating mine, re: name-calling and verbal abuse.

[ pain ]   your muse hurting mine in bed, whether intentionally or not.

[ knife ]   your muse using a knife in bed, whether for threat or actually cutting mine.

[ hidden ]   your muse having sex with mine somewhere semi-public.

[ public ]   your muse having sex with mine in public, whee other people watch.

[ adore ]   your muse being near reverent with mine in bed.

[ dress ]   your muse having mine dress up in lingerie.

[ eat ]   your muse eating mine out.

[ sleep ]   your muse touching / beginning to have sex with mine while they’re asleep.

[ gag ]   your muse gagging mine, or or making them be quiet.

[ blindfold ]   your muse blindfolding mine.

[ praise ]   your muse praising mine in bed.

[ good ]   your muse calling mine a good boy / girl.

[ want ]   your muse telling mine they want them.

[ snarl ]   your muse growling and / or baring their teeth at mine during sex.

[ mark ]   your muse purposefully marking mine up with bruises, hickies, ect.

1. “Seems like there might actually be a monster somewhere.”

2. “I wasn’t scared. Pfft! That was nothing.” 

3. “I’ve played video games before. I know what I’m doing.” 

4. “Who be banging? You be banging?” 

5. “Still dark. Still spooky. Still people with chains walking about.” 

6. “Once again, they’re too scared to come out and face me.” 

7. “Yeah, you better run!” 

8. “I’m looking for a mysterious fourth… thingy.” 

9. “Is that ______? Is/are he/she/they talking to him/her/themselves?” 

I  LOVE  YOU .

‘  it’s  not  true .  ’

‘  tell  me  i’ve  been  lied  to .  ’

‘  crying  isn’t  like  you .  ’

‘  what  the  hell  did  i  do ?  ’

‘  nothing  has  to  change  today .  ’

‘  you  didn’t  mean  to  say  ‘i  love  you’ .  ’

‘  i  love  you  and  i  don’t  want  to .  ’

‘  i  didn’t  mean  to  make  you  cry .  ’

‘  i  can’t  escape  the  way  i  love  you .  ’

ILOMILO .

‘  told  you  not  to  worry ,  but  maybe  that’s  a  lie .  ’

‘  honey ,  what’s  the  hurry ?  ’

‘  they’re  never  gonna  give  you  love  like  ours .  ’

‘  i  don’t  wanna  be  lonely .  ’

‘  show  me  the  way  home .  ’

‘  i  tried  not  to  upset  you .  ’

‘  i  couldn’t  love  someone  ‘cause  i  might  break .  ’

‘  i  just  wanted  to  protect  you ,  but  now  i’ll  never  get  to .  ’

WHEN  THE  PARTY’S  OVER .

‘  don’t  you  know  i’m  no  good  for  you ?  ’

‘  i’ve  learned  to  lose  you ,  can’t  afford  to .  ’

‘  nothing  ever  stops  you  leaving .  ’

‘  don’t  you  know  too  much  already ?  ’

‘  i’ll  only  hurt  you  if  you  let  me .  ’

‘  call  me  friend ,  but  keep  me  closer .  ’

‘  call  me  back .  ’

‘  nothing  is  better  sometimes .  ’

‘  let’s  just  let  it  go .  ’

‘  let  me  let  you  go .  ’

WATCH .

‘  if  we  were  meant  to  be ,  we  would  have  been  by  now .  ’

‘  all  i  see  is  you  right  now .  ’

‘  i’ll  sit  and  watch  your  car  burn  with  the  fire  that  you  started  in  me .  ’

‘  your  love  feels  so  fake .  ’

‘  my  demands  aren’t  high  to  make .  ’

‘  if  i  could  get  to  sleep ,  i  would  have  slept  by  now .  ’

‘  when  you  call  my  name ,  do  you  think  i’ll  come  running ?  ’

‘  you’re  so  good  at  giving  me  nothing .  ’

‘  when  you  close  your  eyes ,  do  you  picture  me ?  ’

‘  when  you  fantasize ,  am  i  your  fantasy ?  ’

8 .

‘  i  know  you  don’t  care ,  but  can  you  listen ?  ’

‘  so  i  think  i  better  go .  ’

‘  i  never  really  know  how  to  please  you .  ’

‘  you’re  looking  at  me  like  i’m  see-through .  ’

‘  i  just  never  know  how  you  feel .  ’

‘  do  you  even  feel  anything ?  ’

‘  don’t  treat  me  badly .  ’

‘  i  know  you’re  not  sorry .  why  should  you  be ?  ’

‘  who  am  i  to  be  in  love  when  your  love  never  is  for  me ?  ’

WISH  YOU  WERE  GAY .

‘  baby ,  i  don’t  feel  so  good .  ’

‘  i’ll  never  let  you  go .  ’

‘  i  just  wanna  make  you  feel  okay .  ’

‘  i  just  wanna  make  you  feel  okay ,  but  all  you  do  is  look  the  other  way .  ’

‘  i  can’t  tell  you  how  much  i  wish  i  didn’t  wanna  stay .  ’

‘  i  just  kinda  wish  you  were  gay .  ’

‘  is  there  a  reason  we’re  not  through ?  ’

‘  how  am  i  supposed  to  make  you  feel  okay  when  all  you  do  is  walk  the  other  way ?  ’

‘  i’m  so  selfish .  ’

‘  you  make  me  feel  helpless .  ’

BITCHES  BROKEN  HEARTS .

‘  you  can  pretend  you  don’t  miss  me .  ’

‘  you  can  pretend  you  don’t  care .  ’

‘  all  you  wanna  do  is  kiss  me .  ’

‘  what  a  shame  i’m  not  there .  ’

‘  what  is  it  you  want ?  ’

‘  you  can  lie ,  but  i  know  that  you’re  not  fine .  ’

‘  every  time  you  talk  it’s  all  about  me ,  but  you  swear  i’m  not  on  your  mind .  ’

‘  somebody  new  is  gonna  comfort  you  like  you  want  me  to .  ’

‘  somebody  new  is  gonna  comfort  me  like  you  never  do .  ’

‘  i’m  the  one  that  got  away .  ’

‘  i  guess  being  lonely  fits  me .  ’

feel free to change pronouns etc as needed!

“ do not despair, my dear.”

“ who are you?”

“ i’m here to change your life.”

“ she forbade me to leave.”

“ what? what did you do?”

“ now, now. i got what i wanted.”

“ there’s no need to be frightened.”

“ you just killed my ___.”

“ she was trying to help me.”

“ do you know what this is?”

“ trust me. i’ve done you a favor.”

“ all magic comes with a price.”

“ my life… it’s wretched.”

“ you can’t handle this.”

“ wait! please wait. i CAN handle it.”

“ please. i will do anything to get out of here.”

“ then you’ll owe me a favor.”

“ name it. what do you want?”

“ but i have nothing.”

“ i care nothing for riches. i’ll give you anything you want.”

“ fear not, my needs are small.”

“ do we have a deal?”

“ every story needs a memorable detail.”

“ are you sure we can be out in the open?”

“ enough sneaking around.”

“ you’re brave.”

“ speaking of… do you think we need code names?”

“ it’s so hard to get your attention.”

“ are you arresting me again?”

“ i’m thanking you. we all owe you a debt of gratitude.”

“ well, what do i get? a commendation? a key to the city?”

“ why don’t you think about it and stay a while?”

“ that’s right. i know everything.”

“ you no longer worry me.”

“ you see, i did a little digging into who you are.”

“ people don’t change, they only fool themselves into believing they can.”

“ you don’t know me.”

“ do you have a laundry room i can use?”

“ it’s just that, uh… no one thinks that i can do this.”

“ no one thinks i can do anything. maybe they’re right.”

“ everyone loves to tell you what you can and can’t do, but ultimately, whatever you’re considering doing, or giving up, the choice is yours.”

“ it’s not exactly what you might think it is.”

“ people are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. you just gotta punch back and say, ‘no, this is who i am.’ ”

“ you want people to look at you differently? make them.”

“ you want to change things? you’re gonna have to go out there and change them yourself.”

“ under no circumstance do you leave this house.”

“ now do as i say, or there will be consequences.”

“ so that’s all your stuff?”

“ i, uh, i need your help. i’m looking for someone.”

“ so why don’t you just call the police?”

“ well, one of the advantages of you not being the police is discretion.”

“ my only other choice is the police.”

“ so you’ll help me then?”

“ do you know who that is?”

“ is that… all you brought?”

“ what are you doing here?”

“ i thought we could hang out.”

“ please, let me help.”

“ no! no, it could be dangerous.”

“ this isn’t a game.”

“ how do you know?”

“ you cannot come with me.”

“ then i’ll find you and i’ll bring you back.”

“ i am just trying to be responsible here.”

“ i’m just trying to spend time with you.”

“ oh, that is really not fair.”

“ what’s wrong?”

“ do you realize what an inspiration you are to everyone?”

“ i’m proud of you.”

“ i just wanted to make sure you’re happy with your end of the bargain.”

“ did you get everything you desired?”

“ what’s your price? my jewels? the ring?”

“ are we going somewhere?”

“ something’s happened.”

“ why are you upset? this is what we wanted.”

“ i was stupid. i didn’t understand the price of magic.”

“ i’m so sorry…! and now i’m gonna lose it all. my… my life… you.”

“ look, i don’t know what you’ve heard, but it’s wrong.”

“ maybe you should just stay out of it.”

“ some people only have the backseat of a car.”

“ stop letting other people make decisions for you.”

“ and who are you to judge?”

“ no one’s ever broken a deal with him.”

“ what did you get yourself into?”

“ should we even use magic? isn’t that what’s causing these problems to begin with?”

“ you’re sure this will work?”

“ don’t worry, the hospital isn’t that far.”

“ i won’t let that happen.”

“ i’d like to alter the bargain.”

“ you know, the only way to stop me is through magic.”

“ i’m not trying to stop you.”

“ as we all know, all magic comes with a price. and if you were to use it to, say… imprison me, then your debt to me would only grow.”

“ are you sure you’re happy with this new arrangement?”

“ no one breaks deals with me, dearie. no one.”

“ you’re the only one who can do it.”

“ you’re the savior. you can do whatever you want.”

“ did we really win?”

“ i was so afraid. i was so afraid that we’d fail.”

“ oh, i’m dizzy.”

“ what did you do?”

“ i haven’t done anything. in case you hadn’t noticed, i’ve been otherwise engaged.”

“ something’s happened to him. you know. tell me!”

“ i did warn you, all magic comes at a price. it looks like someone has just paid.”

“ why didn’t you tell me?”

“ on the contrary. i thought it would be more effective if you found out yourself.”

“ actually, we have an agreement. and my agreements are always honored.”

“ i like your confidence. charming.”

“ you really want to start that fight?”

“ i like you. you’re not afraid of me, and that’s either cocky or presumptuous.” 

“ either way, i’d rather have you on my side.”

“ are you willing to make a deal with me?”

“ i’m not sure you’re ready yet.”

“ someone could get hurt.”

[Random Number Generator can be found here]

with a broken arm

with a broken leg

dehydrated

with a concussion

with a stab wound

hungover

after a bar fight

with the flu

with (a) broken rib(s)

with sore muscles

after falling down the stairs

with a twisted ankle

blinded temporarily

with ringing ears

with a burn

after running into a door

out in the cold without warm clothes

covered in blood

overly exhausted

after a nightmare

after losing part/all of their memory

with a black eye

“You have three names. What do people call you?”

“You think you can find others like him/her?”

“You call me ‘young lady’ again, I’ll shove my foot up somewhere it’s not supposed to be.”

“I have nothing to prove to you.”

“Does announcing your identity with branded clothing, help with the covert part of the job?”

“You know anything about a lady blowing up a Blockbuster? Witnesses say she was dressed for laser tag.” 

“________. New guy. Guess he/she doesn’t hate me yet.”

“You were the woman/man on that ______ risking her/his life to do the right thing. My best friend.”

“Who supported me as a ______ and a _____ when no one else did.”

“You were smart, and funny, and a huge pain in the ass.”

“And you were the most powerful person I knew”

“I’ve been fighting with one arm tied behind my back. But what happens when…I’m finally set free?”

“I know a renegade soldier when I see one. Never occurred to me that one might come from above.”

“We’ll be back for the weapon”

“I keep having these… memories. I see flashes. I think I have a life here. But I can’t tell if it’s real.”

“You’re right. I’m only human”

“Well, I could use a co-pilot”

“There’s no way I’m going, baby. It’s too dangerous.”

“I’m not gonna fight your war. I’m gonna end it”

“Ow! Mother Flerkin!”

“Once, it’s a shit-hole”

“So … you’re not from around here?”

“I’m not what you think I am”

“This is war. My hands are filthy from it too. But we’re here now. You found my family, this is just the beginning.”

“You think you’re funny but I’m not laughing.”

“You never laugh”

“I laugh, on the inside. And I’m not doing it now”

“I’m kind of done with you telling me what I can’t do”

“I didn’t want to steal your thunder”

“Because I stared into the face of my mortal enemy and the face staring back was my own.”

“You don’t know me. You have no idea who I am. I don’t even know who I am!”

“Right. You slipped. As a result of me punching you in the face.”

“I was already slipping when you happened to punch me in the face. The two of those are not related.”

“No one’s going to hurt the girl. Just, don’t kill me. We got a really complicated situation.”

“Hey there. How are you? Oh my goodness. Look at you. Just look at you. Aren’t you the cutest looking thing? Aren’t you cute? And what’s your name, huh?”

“It’s a cat not Hannibal Lecter”

“I’m trusting you not to eat me”

“Your commander insists that you’re fit to serve”

“Perhaps this is a mercy, sparing you from a deeper pain.”

“If you hurt them I’ll burn you to the ground”

‘he decided to take on the institutions.’

‘why shouldn’t i send a knob of butter to every topman store in the uk? you can’t stop me.’

‘just because i’m on minimum wage doesn’t mean i’m an idiot.’

‘he often leaves them in coffee shops, despite promising to give them a lift home.’

‘the afterlife is a nightmare beyond any human comprehension.’

‘god i love bed.’

‘i am here to help using my main weapon: mischief.’

‘WE DON’T NEED TO KEEP THE COFFEE FRESH, ______, IT’S ALDI COFFEE, IT NEVER TASTED FRESH IN THE FIRST PLACE.’

‘melt four kitkat chunkys together with a warm knife for a fun way to forget you are crippled by loneliness.’

‘try ‘dry january’. every time your mouth feels a little dry, fill it with gin!’

‘spice things up in the bedroom by covering your genitals in cayenne pepper.’

‘recreate glastonbury festival at home by draining your iphone and pissing yourself in the garden.’

‘recreate reading and leeds festivals at home by draining your iphone battery and shitting yourself in the garden.’

‘recreate latitude festival at home by draining your iphone battery and havving awkward, underwhelming sex with a girl called annabel from west london in the garden.’

‘add energy to a dinner party by saying ‘what do we think about brexit’ before opening a shoebox filled with wasps.’

‘i have been a mischief for pretty much my entire life.’

‘if you’re going to be ridiculous with me, i’ll be ridiculous with you.’

‘a couple of friends of mine recently made the selfish gesture of getting married.’

‘i’ve never had a credit card because i can’t be trusted not to get drunk and buy all the yoghurts in a 24-hour tesco for a laugh.’

‘that’s clearly a loaded question and i don’t like your attitude.’

‘in my life, i have spent a lot of time asleep or in the bath.’

‘i know tons of things. i know that pelicans have three eyelids.’

‘as long as there’s halloumi and high-quality ketamine available i don’t want for much.’

‘i find a useful way of getting into the skin of an alias is to create and update their own facebook profile, like a psychopath might.’

‘i’ve only ever been accused of being a psychopath a couple of times and neither of those people have said it again.’

‘i personally find when i’m petrified of everything around me i struggle to engage fully in a meal.’

‘living in the city for a fox is the equivalent of a human being with a sensitive disposition setting up camp next to a grenade-testing site.’

‘do you absolutely have to come through this door?’

‘i can’t really remember much before last thursday.’

‘i thought the law was there mainly to stop people from taking drugs and ensure wealthy people retain their grip on power, but apparently it’s also designed to spoil my fun.’

‘if you’re making a complaint, make sure the complaint is true.’

‘my main concern is to avoid getting sued ‘cause i went through that before and it cost a lot to have the guy ‘removed’.’

‘i know a fox i want to make famous but i’d struggle to get his permission.’

‘i know it is illegal to draw on a banknote, but what are the legal repercussions of creating a giant origami statue out of £5 notes depicting the queen putting her middle finger up at a newborn baby?’

‘in your professional opinion, if i wanted to have someone killed what’s the best way of going about it?’

‘i’ve drawn you with a pig’s body to protect your identity.’

‘i am my own worst critic. as in, i am not very good at criticising myself. i’m fantastic, well done me.’

‘there definitely isn’t a half-drunk bottle of scotch and a bong in here.’

‘it’s like being punched in a hot tub.’

‘how can you be disturbed by a sign?’

‘he’s a private investigator and shape-shifter.’ 

‘he lives in the shadows of your darkest fears.’

‘i slaughtered her as sacrifice to our beloved gods and burned the body in a tribal ceremony.’

‘i like getting paid to be daft.’

‘get off my back, we’ve all got to earn a living.’

‘what shops are open now that will sell me a bottle of glen’s vodka?’

“Are you stuck?”

“That wasn’t the truth bus, that was the bitchy cross town express.”

“I’m Superman.”

“I’ve lost my train of thought.”

“Dead people don’t talk. Usually.”

“Don’t make me cut a bitch.”

“Go clean yourself up, you look like crap.”

“I brought you a pie.”

“I don’t do loose.”

“Why love something?”

“I’m gonna get fat, aren’t I?”

“I have to hate you a little while, just a little while.”

“That would’ve been weird, if not actively traumatic.”

“I’ve got a finger faster than a speeding bullet.”

“Where did I put that rat’s ass I could give?”

“Just wanted to try it on before I gave it back.”

“I really wanna kiss you now.”

“You could do with loosening up a bit.”

“I feel excitement is so much better than a lot of things.”

“Well, that’s just downright craptastic.”

“You hide booze in your Bible?”

“Jackass is as good a word as any.”

“You can’t just leave.”

“I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food.”

“If I could breathe, I would vomit.”

“Would you like a piece of pie?”

“I think it’s brave to try to be happy.”

“Oh, hell no!”

“Ooh I just got all tingly, and not just in the nether regions.”

“If you were Clark Kent, what would you do right now?”

“How can you start again with someone who only knows who you were before?”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“But do you hate me?”

“Is it vodka?”

“Please take that away.”

“I’m not gonna pretend to be something I’m not. (It’s stressful.)”

“I was being selfish.”

“What do you need to be happy?”

“I’m not a fan of the hug.”

feel free to change words and pronouns as needed.

“(Name), I don’t have time for you right now.”

“And I don’t like being stalked! Not by psycho-nerds, or their cats!”

“Ready to break a leg, (name)?

“What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason!”

“You’re not listening to me!”

“You probably think this world is a dream come true… but you’re wrong.”

“Why steal this?”

“Why does she want me?”

“She wants something to love, I think. Something that isn’t her.”

“You realize you’re going right into her trap?”

“You’re not my mother!”

“They say even the proudest spirit can be broken with love.”

“Maybe they got bored of you and moved to France.”

“Don’t worry. I’m getting the hang of it.”

“You’ll just go home and be bored and neglected, same as always.”

“Stay here with us. We will listen to you and laugh with you. If you stay here, you can have whatever you want.”

“How can you walk away from something and still come back to it?”

“Evil witch!!! I’m not scared!”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“I think you might have said something like that.”

“You know I love you.”

“Well you have a very funny way of showing it.”

“Now you’re going to stay here forever.”