this was supposed to be an art blog

Is that person actually transmasc or transfem or are you just gendering hormones and body parts? Is that person actually transfem or transmasc or are you just equating agab with gender alignment?

i left a longer comment but the gist of it was what i put at the end which was: “please keep talking about this, but while you do please do not make the grass on the other side seem greener, because it’s not, it’s just as dead and unwatered.”

from there i looked around the comment section to get an idea of the general consensus from people who viewed the video, and come across someone who tentatively identified as a cis man empathizing with this trans woman, which is a lovely thing to do except for the fact that what they were empathizing with was, incorrect. something they said stuck out to me particularly, they said “i would rather live in obscurity than actively being the target of every other form of violence. being in a history book does not sound like a good trade off to being...well, history.” now i believe this person was incredibly well intentioned, but sorely misinformed, and i’d like to share what i replied to them here, if only to help other trans men and mascs find the words when they come across this rhetoric.

i said: “you misunderstand what trans men face, perhaps because the better word for this is erasure, not invisibility. trans men's erasure looks like trans men being detransitioned through forced pregnancy and it never being spoken about in conversations about reproductive justice, it looks like one in two trans men experiencing sexual assault and yet again completely absent and when we do speak up about it i've watched people over and over again rush to silence us, it looks like being denied gynecological care and left to die, it looks like us having abnormally high rates of medical discrimination, it looks like us having very high rates of suicide attempts and low life satisfaction, it looks like us falling through the cracks and no one noticing. did you know there have been multiple trans men and mascs that have gone missing or been murdered in the last month? it looks like stonewall being kicked off by a police officer assaulting stormé delarverie a black transmasculine person and his name being noticeably absent from discussions of that historical event. it looks like trans men and mascs being quietly tortured in an ice facility and the news barely making waves in community discussions. it looks like an elder trans woman when asked why we don't see older trans men saying with grief that they didn't make it, most of them died. it looks like trans men who have existed in history getting misgendered in death and remembered as women. it looks like us not being able to speak, travel or even leave our homes in more restrictive countries. it looks like us dying in mental institutions throughout history or forcefully married off to cis men to a lifetime of sexual assault. it looks like us being absent from discussions of abortion rights, fgm, child marriage, and so many other things that often hit us particularly hard. that is what trans men's erasure looks like. i don't say this to berate you, just to educate and inform. please be more mindful of speaking confidently on things you have information gaps on. wishing you well!” 

now they liked my comment and i reiterate i believe they were well intentioned so let’s not go too hard on them in response to all of this. but i do think it’s important to push back on this rhetoric, kindly and in a measured sort of way, but push back nonetheless. 

Take for example, the ridiculous number of non-Black trans people validating the idea that, "a trans woman saying "kill all tme people" to vent her frustration is the same as a Black person saying "kill all non-Black people" to vent their frustration" because it's actually fundamentally not the same on multiple levels.

First and foremost trans women are not "the Black people of the trans community". Black trans people of all gender identities are the Black people of the trans community. The fact that that comparison has been normalized by primarily non-Black people as an "okay" comparison for other non-Black people to make is racist and anti-Black.

Secondly, let's remind ourselves of the contexts here. In context, most people do use "tme" as a shorthand for trans men, trans masculine people, and nonbinary people who had an F written on their birth certificates. You can try to claim that "um actually it includes cis people" but this is hyper niche borderline chronically online trans discourse. It means other trans people. It means other people who are also marginalized on the basis of their gender identity.

So, if we're actually going to make an accurate comparison to a racialized situation here, follow me for a moment.

If a Black person said "kill all non-Black people" after weeks and months of primarily talking about how much they can't stand and don't trust other racial minorities, encouraging other Black people to cut everyone who isn't Black out of their lives while specifically focusing on how Black people should cut ties with other PoC, how solidarity and unity between racial minorities is impossible because other PoC (especially any specific demographic of non-Black PoC) can't be trusted, and constantly went on and on not about their hatred of white people but about their hatred of other racial minorities — I think it would be very fair to claim that Black person is racist towards other non-Black PoC.

Just like it's very fair to claim that a trans woman who says "kill all tme people" after weeks and months of primarily talking about how much she can't stand and doesn't trust other trans people who aren't like her, encourages other trans women to cut everyone who isn't a trans woman out of their lives while specifically focusing on how trans women should cut ties with other trans people, talks about how solidarity and unity between trans people is impossible because non-trans woman trans people (especially trans men) can't be trusted, and constantly goes on and on not about her hatred of cis people but about her hatred of other trans people is transphobic towards other trans people.

Trans discourse and racial discourse are not the same. There are absolutely aspects of Black political theory that non-Black trans people can draw upon and take notes from. Black activists and theorists have been working for over a century both outside and inside the trans community on amazing work and have laid a solid groundwork for sociopolitical change that we can and should be following.

But like I said, trans women aren't "the Black people of the trans community". Black trans people of all gender identities are the Black people of the trans community.

I have never seen another allergy that has been so viscerally hated and mocked by people working in education like nut allergies. I’ve seen fellow teachers cringe that their classroom was the “nut free” classroom that year. Support staff that are trained and willfully don’t follow cross contamination protocol in the lunchroom because it’s too “tedious” or “time-consuming”. Full preschools + childcare centers that refuse to accommodate nut allergies. Schools where the only free lunch is a PB&J. Before/after school programs and summer programs whose food curriculum has nuts and doesn’t provide an alternative activity.

Allergy discrimination is so so insidious and prevalent. It’s happening behind their back and it is everything from the exposure joke to possibly causing someone to go into anaphylaxis from willful ignorance.

I was not downplaying this. The stigma is real, and people are 100% willing to let people with allergies die.

When my mom tried to enroll me in preschool, the school principal refused any basic accommodations like asking everyone to wash their hands after lunch before re-entering the classroom, not bringing straight up peanuts to snack time, etc. There was no such thing as a nut free classroom at the time. The principal told my mom and me (I was 4 at the time and definitely in the room when this happened) “if she’s so sick, she belongs in a bubble, not at school.” THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL! My mom had to threaten legal action under the ADA to get them to comply.

Look, I was on a 504 accommodation plan under the ADA for the entirety of my formative education (elementary thru high school). That’s all 12 years!!! And yet I have had teachers hand me items I’m allergic to as a “reward”. I have had other kids intentionally try to send me into anaphylaxis. One girl in 3rd grade asked me why I “wasn’t dead yet” when she had put on a lotion with almonds in it and then held my hand. I’ve had other parents write letters to the school saying what a terrible inconvenience it was to them to not be able to send their kiddo to school with PB&J, demanding I be Removed to a special education only class if my “needs” were such a “burden” to others. During elementary school “parties” held in the classroom on holidays and for student birthdays, I was always sent to sit out in the hallway or go to the library, because even though parents were only supposed to bring safe foods into the room (they had a list of all my allergies) they never once got it right. Administrators fought me tooth and nail for the right to carry my epi pen and other meds on my person at all times. Why they thought I would start dealing benadryl on the playground, I do not know. At lunch, I was always sat at a specific segregated table labeled the “Nut Free Table” alone because who the fuck is going to sit there with the literally segregated outcast? But ONCE notably I was sat on one side of a line of blue masking tape down the table top with the rest of my class on the other. One side was the NUTS side!!! As if allergens would respect that tape barrier. (Spoiler alert: they do NOT!)

Literally from preschool to my senior year of high school, I was “the peanut kid”. Other parents gave my mom books about how to “cure your child’s food allergies from HOME” by micro dosing with things they are allergic to (please never ever ever even attempt anything like a food challenge with a known allergen outside of the care and supervision of a medical professional, holy shit that’s so dangerous). My mom joined the PTA in my last year of high school so that I could maybe participate in all the senior-focused events like pool parties and breakfast at school on the first Friday of the month. The number of times another parent either (a) decided it wasn’t worth it to care or (b) intentionally brought peanut products to an event to spite either me or my mom??? I literally could not count. It happened constantly.

College was better, but I still occasionally had people BALK when I asked them to please not eat a Nature Valley bar with whole nuts in it right the fuck next to me in lecture, thanks. Work parties and catered lunches were always impossible. A few conferences I went to as an undergrad were SUPPOSED to be nut-free, but always fucked up the catering. At one, they set up snack tables by every exit of the conference auditorium so that when people left after the talk, they all congregated around the exits and opened macadamia nut cookies and granola bars. When I had subsequently had a massive allergic reaction and needed help getting home (I’d walked) after taking like 200mg of benadryl, the staff offered me a stack of napkins and a lukewarm apology.

Food allergy is a disability which touches literally every aspect of a person’s life. Everytime I share with someone new about what it was like growing up with my allergies, they have never heard anything like it in their lives. They’re always like “holy shit, seriously??? People did that??? Kids tried to kill you??? Parents wanted you kicked out of the classroom????” Yeah, man. Yeah. My own brother (who doesn’t have any allergies at all) doesn’t understand why I don’t “eat more adventurously” and why I won’t travel internationally. So, saying it REALLY LOUDLY for people in the back:

The idea that someone can be fully and wholly a man and still not be afforded the privileges given to cis men is foreign to most. The identity of "man" is synonymous with privilege and power, so when trans men say "hey I'm not as privileged as you think I am, there's more to it" that's unbelievable to most. They think we're purposely misgendering ourselves to gain imaginary oppression points. They compare us to cis men who refuse to acknowledge the privileges they do have because there's no such thing as a man that isn't privileged.