Starved Society

I admitted a lie that I told almost 5 years ago today to my husband.

We went to a Halloween party in 2017 and we had been married for only 1 day. Everyone was drinking way too much except for my husband who was on call. I’m at a long table with Brooke talking about the small ceremony we had at our wedding and a very skanky girl who is known for getting around approaches my husband.

Skank face: How are you enjoying married life?

Husband: It’s great 😊

Skank face: Oh? That’s a shame because I was going to let you know if you ever get bored or lonely I’m always around 👿 (while she rubbed her hand down my husbands arm!)

Husband: ( immediately walks away from her)

He asked when we were leaving after telling me what happened and we left right then. He was very quiet on the drive home and I also want to point out that I am a very insecure and jealous person.

So what I saw was my husband being told that he has another readily available girl when he gets bored having seggs with me. So I decided to add what I thought was a little lie to the night so my husband didn’t think he was hit on out of lust but instead mischief. I told him that my best friend asked skank face to hit on him to test his loyalty to me. Misguided and mischief is my best friend and this is something she used to do to me all the time in high school. My husband was pissed and took it very seriously and my little lie became a big deal.

He now hated my best friend.

Over the last 5 years it has been impossible for me to get my husband to “forgive” my best friend for the lie I told. He doesn’t like her at the house and he hates me going to see her and it has made me being able to see her a difficult fight every single time and it’s all my fault. So tonight I not only had to admit that I lied but I also had to admit that I did it because I was embarrassed and insecure and jealous and so scared of losing him so soon after we got married.

I actually feel so much better getting that lie off my chest.

The wolf moon in Georgia 🇺🇸 absolutely stunning 😍

When you’re married and this happens, you still get that rush and feel everything that comes along with it. I feel something else too.

Guilt.

Guilt because I have a sweet husband. He’s not without his flaws and we fight and sometimes hate each other but we still love each other enough to keep fighting the good fight together but it doesn’t stop me from noticing the way other men and women still notice me. I’m no model and I’m definitely not toned like one. I’m real. I eat what I want and should probably take better care of myself.

I’ve always carried some kind of allure with people. It only takes one look and I can feel that rush you get from connecting with a total stranger. Especially when they see me wearing a ring and still choose to give me their number. I do the right thing and I throw it away and ride that high of feeling desirable all day. Then I go home and fuck my husband trying to reignite the spark that used to be there.