b r e a k t h e w a l l

work! bonus bunny hops:

In my post about the song THANK U, which Hongjoong wrote for Seonghwa, he opened with these lyrics:

These days I get such thoughts sometimes That maybe I've been doing pretty well, and the proof of that is you /We've fought neck-and-neck and targeted each other /But I've taken it for granted without saying thank you / It's embarrassing to say this, writing something so detailed / But you know what I mean

Disclaimer: I was not around for the debut of Ateez, but from what I've gathered, Hongjoong and Seonghwa began as somewhat of a mismatched pair

To be fair, they still are:

San: "We agree [Matz] are perfect for each other, but also so not-perfect for each other as well"

Part of this early friction had to do with Hongjoong's struggles with becoming a leader: he described his style as abrasive and "tyrannical." As the eldest and as Hongjoong's roommate, Seonghwa did his best to be an intermediary/mediator for the rest of the group, which Hongjoong acknowledged in a letter to Seonghwa during a pre-debut 2018 vlive (linked to the timestamp).

Hongjoong can't even face Seonghwa

"I am sorry to you, because I haven't been friendly to you over the years. The reason why I am a good leader is because you have been supporting me and the other members. I don't know why, I think I have been reluctant to express my gratitude. I bet you also had lots to say in your mind as one of the oldest ones in this group. I would like to thank you. I am glad you are here."

There is a certain element of fan-service in how they presented their relationship to the fandom in the group's early years, a kind of push-pull dynamic that I think they specifically played up for atiny. Hongjoong was a tsundere who never admitted his true feelings and Seonghwa was the long-suffering partner who incurred jealousy whenever he looked another way.

@ba0shanblack wrote a great post last year about their respective love languages, and how each of them have worked hard to accommodate the other's personality and habits. Especially on Hongjoong's end, as someone who used to spend long hours away from their shared dorm/room, and who struggled with giving verbal praise, Seonghwa made it known he felt neglected and Hongjoong made an effort to address those failings.

Hongjoong now freely acknowledges how Seonghwa is one of his closet friends and indispensable support (not just his chingu, but his ansaram). He makes his love known to Seonghwa in so many ways, including and especially his acts of care: he let Seonghwa have the bottom bunk in their room, even through it was more challenging for Hongjoong and his late-night schedule; he called Seonghwa before his runway debut to wish him luck;

When Seonghwa was mourning the loss of his grandparent during their TTL tour, Hongjoong got him a lego set to cheer him up;

Of course, most of his praise for Seonghwa still happens by proxy, whether via song lyrics or letters...

...and Seonghwa still won't let him off the hook 😂

While they still sometimes miss the obvious ("Seonghwa, you look like the moon." "Huh?"), what's important are all small ways they show up for each other: words of affirmation, quiet glances, fleeting touches, jealous gatekeeping, thoughtful gestures, and silent support. They are each others' biggest fans and fiercest champions.

Seonghwa still worries about Hongjoong working too hard, but never misses an opportunity to compliment his beloved captain. Whatever doubts Seonghwa once harbored about their relationship, I know has been obliterated with time and Hongjoong's specific brand of care.

I encourage everyone to read @makesoneteam's wonderfully gut-wrenching take on Matz, which I've excerpted here:

at some point, I think it sank in to hongjoong that maybe seonghwa didn't know how truly valued and loved he was by hongjoong. here was the only other senior member, someone who was a leader in their own right, feeling small and unsure. and hongjoong failed him a bit. seonghwa should have never felt that way, in joong's eyes, because those fears seonghwa had about his value as an idol were never true to hongjoong. and while hongjoong was hard on his members-- and probably especially on seonghwa, as a senior-- because he loved him, that love translated into annoyance and distrust and like hongjoong thought they were going to fail.

Matz + text posts for @philologicalbat (pt. 11/50)

bonus:

KIM HONGJOONG

bonus:

Photography 101: Innie Edition Bang Chan, Lee Know & Jeongin [RACHA LOG] Ep. 21

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