&. the one who will be.

captain john sheridan  —  of babylon 5.  a study in choosing one’s loyalties ,  in tactical choices ,  in becoming more than others believe you to be ,  and in valuing the time you have.  penned by katya  ( 25+,  she / her ).

“     i think you’ve found an argument most of the worlds will accept   –    at least their aides.    ”

there are no words.      delenn often says nothing, allowing the silence or the arch of a non-existent eyebrow to fill in the blanks; not because she has nothing to say, but because it is necessary that those words remain firmly out of reach for now.     when it comes to the war, however, the words become firmly lodged in her throat.       with hardly won courage, her face remains lifted up in his direction, and when there is nothing left to say, the truth remains.    as minbari do not lie, she presses her lips together before replying.      “      it will take a long while for my people to accept your placement.    ”it hardly seems fair, considering all the pain they put the humans through, to demonize one man for the single victory won in an unfair war.     humans lost lives in that conflict, hundreds of thousands of them;   the minbari lost their way in the world, less kind, less ready to face conflicts.

hardly a fair trade-off.      “     we hold…    grudges,    ”     the word does not encompass everything, too close to pettiness for comfort, but it is the only one she can reach at the moment.     “     i know all too well.    ”

         ❛ show me a race that doesn’t hold grudges. ❜    it seems to be as much a universal characteristic as any other.  the narn and the centauri,  humans and the minbari.  half the squabbles from then nonaligned worlds too begin and end in grudges,  in the past dug up and laid once more before the enemy’s feet as justification.  perhaps the vorlons possessed a more enlightened perspective,  but john couldn’t know one way or the other since ambassador kosh never bothered to attend council meetings.   ❛ I’ll just be glad if they ❜    —  her people —    ❛ tolerate my placement. ❜    acceptance is wholly optional.    ❛ we’ve got enough trouble on our  hands on any given day. ❜

why did humans insist on asking questions they already knew the answers to?      delenn wondered if they would ever be fully comfortable in the silent embrace of space, or if they would find a way to alter that as well.      gaze remains on the outside world for a moment longer, the barely contained bustle there as humans dashed back and forth, all of them rushing towards something.      warmed by sunlight, grey eyes seem to be a soft green when they settle on him, soft and worried.

“     you are still in bed, i’m not too prideful not to consider that a victory.    ”body, mind and  soul demanded rest, time to heal after the inconceivable events   —    not that the moniker stopped her mind from imagining what could be happening to john; all that time he was gone, as much as she tried to concentrate on finishing the work they had started, her mind would unvaryingly drift towards him.     when londo monologued about the superiority of the centauri political system, she worried;    when g’kar inspired the non-aligned worlds to stay strong, she held back a sob as she felt deep in her soul that he was being hurt.      if only torture was so inconceivable, and not an ironic cosmic coincidence.

moving towards the entrance of the room, delenn fills up a water cup with the water that is left in the pitcher.     “     here.  ”

          still in bed seems something of a miracle...  not for the same reasons as it would have in past years, when to lie in bed long after the sun was up ( even if no more than metaphorically ) was a rare luxury.  no,  the miracle is rather that he is here,  in soft bed,  with blankets and a pillow beneath his head.    ❛ funny,  how over a week without a bed can change your perspective on things.   I might just lie here forever. ❜    for all his efforts to be lighthearted,  to joke about something far too grim for words,  john knows he falls far short of the mark. 

          he does not mean it,  not truly,  though his body feels heavy,  his motions lethargic,  requiring far more energy than he wishes to expend.  he fights through his body’s resistance,  however,  enough to prop himself up,  to take the glass of water from her,  fingers lingering for a moment upon hers before taking their place.    ❛ how long have I been asleep? ❜    it is all too sore a subject,  the passage of time.  the lies and manipulations of his interrogator leave all too raw a wound,  but he trusts the answer from her.  

“    if we were to do the entire ritual it would take days, and there are some items that are…   impossible to gather now.    ”     there would be no fruit in this ceremony, they only grew on minbar and with the grey council now disbanded, and the rumors about the warrior caste’s unfavorable view of her, it would be impossible to collect the particular items she is accustomed to.     very well, she would just have to create a new tradition for the times they lived in now.      “   i know you are worried about time, and you are right to be.    ” 

stopping in front of him, delenn rests a hand on his chest, waiting for him to look at her.    “    i appreciate the support, but what i would like, is your presence.    ”     and not only because it is the key for everyone else’s presence    —   it is no secret that the captain is the magnetic force behind all of their efforts;  he plays many roles, which is why he is the one who needs this the most.     “     john, this will not be a waste of your time, i assure you.    ”

          there’s nothing to be done but to stop when she steps before him,  effectively cutting him off.  that alone would delay forward momentum,  but he stills too beneath her touch.    ❛ I’m not saying that it’s a waste of my time... ❜    though he is,  albeit in other words.  it’s  not the sentiment,  however.  rather,  it’s a matter of prioritization,  of selecting the most necessary of the many things he could and should do.    ❛ the day would have to be at least twice as long to leave space for everything worth doing. ❜   the fact that,  in space,  the day was little more than an artificial construct was another matter entirely,  though the human body could only go so long without rest.  he already pushed that limitation. 

          // @starstcff​ sent,  ❝ i feel you watching. ❞

           he should have expected that she would know,  that no more than minutes would pass before she would realize that he no longer dozed ( fitful though it had been ),  that instead his gaze lingered upon her where she stood by open window.  distance between them,  spanning the room,  would offer no shield for the truth.    ❛ let me guess. ❜    though he smiles,  his voice comes hoarse,  rasping in his throat in a way it sometimes feels it will never cease to do — as memories will never cease to press upon his mind,  worming their way into his consciousness.  he knows better.    ❛ that doesn’t count as resting. ❜

                   ೄྀ࿐ˊˎ-      @starkillcr​ asked:  ‘that’s a lot of information for one sentence.’

“     john,      ”she protests firmly, denying him the smile which had almost tugged at the corner of her lip at his words, trying to keep herself on track.    this was not a desire based on a whim, they needed this.    the station had gone through unbearable grief, and she suspected that most hadn’t even begun dealing with the ramifications of everything they had gone through.   a rebirth ceremony would be the perfect to allow them to stop for a moment, not think about their duties and just be in the present for a few moments.

they were falling out of sync with the universe around them.      “     i assure you, the steps of the ritual i laid out are already a simplified version, as i believed the humans on this station would not be able to sit still for the entire expected duration,     ”      there is a narrowing of the eyes, the source of her suspicions standing very near,    “      it will gift us the strength we will need in the upcoming months.     ”

meme     •        accepting

          the world is upside down,  all that he has known,  all that he has devoted his life to,  shattered at his feet.  that,  more than anything is why he resists,  why ceremony and ritual suddenly hold no appeal,  even when he has gravitated to his own throughout the years.  the solace they offer suddenly seems as empty as former loyalties.  there’s no words to express this,  however;  he’s unprepared to shoulder the weight by speaking it aloud.    ❛ that’s the simplified version?  delenn... ❜