plans & reveries

Rowan’s tone is icier than the chill coming off the ocean air. It cuts into her deep, and Helena is more hurt by it than she has any right to be. She has no right to be upset about what Rowan says or does in the face of everything she has said and done, but there’s no helping it. There’s no helping the vicious ache in her heart, or the way it still whispers about the feelings Helena has failed to move on from for the past few years.

She still longs for her. Helena can try to deny it all she wants, but she does. “I wasn’t… I didn’t think it was because of me.” It was the last thing on her mind, but she doesn’t blame Rowan for thinking it. She’s always been so self involved–it makes her sick to her stomach to think of all the times she shoved people under the bus to better herself. Rowan worst of all. “But you’re right, it’s none of my business.” As much as she wishes she could just leave it at that and walk away, she can’t. “I just—I hope you’ve been doing okay.” She regrets the words the second they come out of her mouth, and selfishly, she hopes for the backlash of a lifetime. God knows she deserves it.

There is a brief moment when her mask drops. A hint of uncertainty flashes across her features, and Rowan wonders if she can even bear to allow herself to trust Helena’s words. It’s so quick, almost subconscious—a yearning for something they used to share. She hates herself for it. After everything she’s been through, she has to be some sort of masochist to want anything to do with the girl standing in front of her.

There’s not a lot of people out there who could say they’ve ruined someone’s life. Not just hindered it, not just set it back or interrupted it, but really ruined it. Rowan had to go as far as to leave town because of what she did. She caught so much backlash over a lie, and Helena doesn’t know how to apologize for that. It’s doubtful that Rowan would even forgive her, but that’s not what she’s looking for. She knows how far past forgiveness she is.

But if Rowan could know how deeply she regrets it, or just how much she wishes she could take it back, maybe it would make some sort of a difference. In what, she doesn’t know. It still doesn’t change the past, or how people look at her. It wouldn’t surprise Helena if someone’s already reminded her of the incident in just the one week she’s been back. It hurts her heart to think about, but not like the sound of Rowan’s voice does. “I know, I…” She almost wants to make some sort of offer, and tell Rowan that she doesn’t have to stay out of her way, but what message would that send? It wouldn’t make any sense to anyone if they started spending time together. “What are you back for?”

With her arms wrapped around herself, Rowan can conceal the tremors flowing through her body. She can stand tall and straight, feign an indifference she doesn't truly feel. But the facade she's created can only last so long. Digging her fingernails into the flesh of her arms, she prays for the strength to carry on the remainder of this conversation. The last thing she needs is to make a fool of herself and hand-deliver yet another weapon for Helena to use against her.

“I’m so glad you’re home!” Mila engulfs her sister in a warm hug, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. It’s surreal, seeing her back in Star Harbor. She knows Anya isn’t meant to stay cooped up in a little town like this, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss her. Technology these days allows for videochatting and phone calls, but neither replaces the joy of seeing Anya face to face.

“So this is where you grew up, huh?” Sienna’s eyes are alight with interest as she strolls down the sidewalk leading toward Anya’s childhood home. As a little girl who craved stability, she used to dream of living in a place just like Star Harbor. Now, she can’t imagine trading the chaotic energy of a big city for this quaint, small town life.

She continues to limit the space between them, and Rafael’s back digs harder into the brick wall behind him. He should step to the side, get out from underneath her gaze, but he stays put. He doesn’t ask himself why because he doesn’t want to know the answer. Her voice goes from suggestive to soft, and Rafael doesn’t have a clue about what to think or how to handle this.

“You gotta have a couple of friends around here who you’d rather go with, don’t you?” He doesn’t doubt that if she popped her head into the bar, she could find a more familiar face who would be happy to walk her home. Second thought stirs up a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Star Harbor has always been one of those small towns that rarely sees anything go wrong, but he knows that a couple of the guys in that bar are bad news. Guys who would be happy to walk a pretty girl home, among other things. Maybe nothing she couldn’t handle… but he doesn’t want to be indirectly responsible for anything happening.

Alessia has perfected the art of persuasion. From her girl-next-door good looks to her sharp witticisms, she’ll employ anything and everything in her arsenal to get what she wants. She's flipping through her bag of tricks far more quickly than expected, but this man seems particularly hard to pinpoint. Perhaps that's another thing she likes about him: the fact that he's a challenge. She knows he'll need some convincing before he gives her exactly what she needs, but for tonight, she'll settle for a few minutes of his time.

Dean shoots her a knowing glance, one that asks her who she’s trying to fool. She’s looked beautiful every single time he’s seen her, and as much as he’d like to say so out loud, he swallows the instinct. “Well let me just tell you – I’ve never seen you look anything close to bad. Not once.” He shoots a more friendly smile in her direction, wishing he knew how to act around her better. It would be wrong to say that things between them are complicated. Their friendship has always been so easy, but he can’t help but remind himself how close they were to having a chance at being more than that.

The second she mentions the shop, and his lack of stopping by, his heart screeches to a stop. It gets stuck in his throat, lost in how in the world he’s going to explain this to Evelyn. He chose to end their chance to explore what could grow between them. They had been on a few dates by the time Rachel kept reaching out to him, wanting comfort and someone to lean on when her father was in the hospital. He could have just remained a friend, but he made his choice. The wrong one, evidently. Evelyn was so sweet and understanding about it, and it’s been a while since then, but it still eats away at him. “Oh uh, yeah… no, I just haven’t been coming around. Haven’t had much of a reason to, lately.”

"Well, thank you. I appreciate it, Dean. Really." She ducks her head in a sorry attempt to hide the smile threatening to stretch across the entirety of her face. The giddiness travels through her like a lightning bolt, brilliant and electrifying. But all at once, the smile falters, replaced with an expression of stark concern. She wonders if it's appropriate to ask him what he means. Has Rachel requested that he stay away from the shop? Or have they been getting along so well that apology bouquets no longer have a function? There's already a flood of words building within the back of her throat and she fights to keep them from overflowing.

“Oh, fine, fine, I’ll take that credit. But nothing else, okay? You’re the one with all the wondrous charm! I’m happy I was able to look after the shop while you worked that magic.” It clearly wasn’t all for nothing, given just how big Evelyn won out when it comes to Mrs. Foster. A Mother’s Day collaboration and a box of sweets just for them all in one day is a feat Ruby knows she’ll never be able to match. But she doesn’t care about that – there’s never been any sort of competition between her and Evelyn. It’s just another reason why she loves working with her; everything is fun, relaxing, and sweet.

Sweet just like the red velvet cupcake she bites into. She hums in her approval and delight, enjoying the generous amount of buttercream on top. “You both are, okay? She’s got magic in the kitchen, and you just have a magical personality.” Ruby winks playfully at her cousin before taking another bite. Talk about weight and carbs inspires an over-the-top incredulous look on her face. “Cutting back on carbs? For what?” Evelyn has never looked anything short of amazing, but something else dawns on her. While she knows it’s probably not the truth, she has to ask. “Or should I be asking for who?”

"Okay, deal! We'll both take credit for what we deserve." With a decisive nod, she takes another bite out of her banana bread, chewing happily on the baked good. She's caught off guard by Ruby's line of questioning and nearly chokes in surprise, but thankfully, she's able to cover it up with a muted cough. Reaching underneath the counter for her water bottle, she takes a hefty swig while she contemplates her response. The truth is far from compelling—she's trying to look out for her health and concentrate on eating well—but a little part of her wonders if there's something more to it.

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” He says it like a joke, but there’s no doubt in Dean’s mind that Jackson will know he’s actually being serious. He’s never met a nicer guy, and any animal in his care is bound to get loved and spoiled for the rest of their life. “‘Course she’ll be better off with you. No one could spoil her better.” But he also trusts that if someone lost this little puppy, they’re probably going out of their minds trying to get her back safe and sound.

It’s just the kind of place Star Harbor is; filled to the brim with good people. Still, he laughs at Jackson’s dramatics and hopes that his friend is able to adopt her for good. “I believe it! But let me tell you, if you get her and don’t name her after me in some way, I’m gonna be the one that’s crying,” he jokes. “But yeah, and then takeout.” The veterinarian’s office appears just up ahead, and he nods toward it. “Ready to learn the truth?”

"Is it really considered spoiling if I'm just givin' her everything she deserves?" he wonders aloud. The answer is a resounding 'yes', but Jackson won't admit it to himself just yet. "Alright, alright. I can't have my boy cryin' either. I'll think of a good name for her if I get t'keep her. But only 'cause I still want that takeout." He continues on toward the vet's office that's right ahead, silently praying for good news as he steps through the doorway. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Helena gets back to her feet with some urgency, caught between wondering if this is a dream or a nightmare. For years, she’s thought of what she might do or say if she ever saw Rowan again. Most days she convinced herself that it would never happen, that she’d never see her again, and it makes this all the more difficult. She used to practice what she would say to her, how she would apologize, but none of those words come out now. Her heart is too busy drumming echoes in her head, racing at the sight of the girl, the only girl, who has ever inspired such emotion in her.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think you were.” What really stings is what she means by it. Her friends and other people in town probably wouldn’t hesitate to believe Helena if she told anyone that Rowan was stalking her. The thought makes her sick to her stomach. Any attempt at pulling herself together goes wasted, especially when Rowan goes to leave and Helena reacts way too fast. “No! I mean— no, you don’t have to leave.” It feels like her heart is trying to dig its way out of her chest. “I, uh… How long have you been in town?”

Rowan makes no attempt to cover the disdainful scoff that falls from her lips, unable to hide the anger pulsing beneath her skin any longer. Once upon a time, she trusted Helena so blindly that it led to her own ruination. She won't make the same mistake again by allowing herself to be fooled by pretty words and a prettier face. Still, her body betrays her, vestigial emotions slamming into her like an unforgiving battering ram. It's a battle between her head and her heart, and she isn't sure which is winning.

Rafael laughs at that much, trying to get his mind off of his home situation for as long as this walk takes. “I think just about every Star Harbor local are neighbors with each other.” At this point, it’s hard to think of anyone as a complete stranger. There are very few faces around here that Rafael isn’t familiar with, though he’s sure he’d have a better time remembering them when he’s a little more sober than he is now.

He collects himself enough to pull his balance back together, leaning away from the wall and falling into step with Jackson. For a second, he starts wondering if he’s hearing thing by the way he talks about raccoons bigger than his dog. He’s a little late on it, but it does inspire another laugh as he raises a hand to rub at his eye. “Right, yeah, seen a couple of them. Real fat raccoons, always waist deep in there.” He blinks a few times, trying to encourage some sobriety before he gets home. “I know we all look familiar, but what is it you do? Know I’ve seen you around a lot.”

Jackson's not the type to mind a bit of companionable silence, but he's always preferred conversation, especially when he's downed a few drinks. He likes to talk, wouldn't shut up if he had the chance, and new friends always inspire an unexpected rush of words. People love it or hate it, but thankfully, Rafael doesn't seem to mind. "They're real spoiled, man. I swear they're eatin' better than any of the other raccoons in our county." He chuckles at the thought, images of raccoons and fine dining coming to mind.

Alessia’s shock doesn’t surprise him, given how long he and Rachel were together. Despite their tendency to be a little on and off, everyone he’s mentioned the break up to has given him a similar look, if not one that’s even more surprised. His laugh is short and lacking humor, but there all the same. “Yeah, most people did.” Since high school they have been a staple, always in each other’s lives. It’s going to be weird to move on from her, to find his way without her, but Dean thinks it’s the best thing for them both. Maybe they fit together well when they were younger, but it’s been too long since they have.

Holding onto the relationship just because it’s familiar isn’t good for either of them. He nods a few times after Alessia asks if he’s doing alright, appreciating her concern despite them not being especially close. “Yeah, I’m doing alright. I think it was just… y’know, the right move.“ It’s going to be a while before he’s used to it, but Dean’s looking forward to the future. “For both of us,” he amends. Rachel wasn’t exactly for the idea in the same way he was, but he believes that everything will work out. She’ll find someone to give her everything he wasn’t able to. “How are things with you, though?”

He seems to be taking this all in stride, though she wonders if it's covering up his true feelings. She's never been involved with someone longterm (and frankly, she has no plans to ever let someone have such a profound effect on her), but she can't imagine the breakup being easy on Dean. Either way, there's a certain finality in the way he speaks that makes her believe him when he tells her it's the right move. More questions linger at the back of her mind, but she bites her tongue. Alessia is not the most empathetic of people, but even she knows when to stop pushing. Besides, she likes Dean.

The worst part about this is that Rafael’s not so sure if he’s too sober or too drunk to deal with her. And why she seems intent on flirting with him, he doesn’t understand that, either. By the looks of it, she can’t be much older than eighteen. A pretty girl, definitely not one who would have any trouble with boys her own age.

When she takes a step toward him, instinct encourages him to replace the distance, but his back is already against a wall. Even in this state, a couple of drinks too many, he knows how good she is at using her words. It’s dangerous, but not for him. “How ‘bout I call and pay for a cab for you instead? One to drop you off right at your doorstep.”

Alessia has a bad habit of setting her sights on people she can't have. She has no qualms about using the full force of her charm to obtain what she wants—and she's not shy about using her body, if need be. This man is something of a challenge and she's never been a quitter. Besides, the forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest.

 The sound of her voice always makes his day, and it’s something Dean used to feel guilty about. When the instinct comes back to warn him, he has to remind himself that there’s nothing to feel guilty for – not anymore. Sometimes his thoughts wander a little too far, so he focuses on what Evelyn tells him instead, smile still on his face. “Yeah? Good, that’s great. I’m glad things are going great for you over there.” Not that they couldn’t be, considering how amazing Evelyn is with flowers. He knows better than most.

Now that he and Rachel are done, probably for good this time, he regrets what happened between him and Evelyn more than much else. What if he didn’t let Rachel get back inside his head? How different of a place could he and Evelyn be in right now? Thoughts like those are only bound to do him no good, and yet… “Yeah, everything’s good. Everything’s going well, at work, everywhere.” He can’t help the nerves that she inspires. “But uh, thanks. So do you – you look great. Like always.”

There's a pesky lump in her throat, but she swallows it down quickly, hoping the bright smile on her face never wavers. She knows it's foolish to have any hopes after all this time, that all she's done is cause herself more pain, but being in Dean's presence is always a breath of fresh air. Evelyn cherishes his friendship, and she'd rather deal with that pain than not have him in her life at all. That’s something she decided long ago. "Oh, stop. I look like I just rolled out of bed!" 

Ruby raises one eyebrow expectantly, shooting her an incredulous look. “And who arranged those flowers, hmm? It’s all you!” Evelyn is always so sweet and modest, so Ruby has to pick up the slack when a golden opportunity presents itself. Which just so happens to be all the time, considering how wonderful Evelyn is. A couple of good things have come out of her mother’s new marriage, but her new cousin is by far the best one.

When Evelyn suggests that Ruby could do the same, she’s skeptical. Her face illustrates just that. “Yeah, I don’t know about all that. Maybe I could have pulled it off with tons of groveling, but that’s about it. And it sure wouldn’t have been easy!” Evelyn just has such a warm heart, it radiates off of her and touches everyone she’s around. “One more thing? Are you kidding me?” But of course she isn’t, as evidenced by the pastry box she sets on the counter between them. “Oh my god,” she drags out, gasping a little as she lifts the top to peek inside. “It smells amazing! This is incredible. You really are a miracle worker!” Ruby shakes her head, still in a little disbelief as she reaches in for a red velvet cupcake.

Evelyn can read the disbelief on Ruby's face so easily that she has to chuckle out loud. She's not used to taking credit for anything or accepting compliments; all of her life, she's done things without the expectation of being praised. Ruby's words, however, send another giddy thrill rushing through her. She's incredibly proud of what she's achieved and there's no one else she'd rather share this moment with. "Regardless, I wouldn't've been able to pull this off without you. If you weren't here helping with the shop, I'd never have the time to go over and charm Mrs. Foster! So cheer to you, my darling, and thank you for all your help!"

“Hey, at least she’s in good hands no matter what.” Considering how cute and friendly she is, Dean would feel bad for Jackson if the pup was already claimed. And not just for Jackson either; he’d have a field day hogging up all the time he could with the puppy. A couple years back he thought about adopting an older shelter dog, but Rachel protested so much that she talked him out of it. She’s always had a knack for doing that, not that it’s her fault entirely.

Dean falls into step with Jackson, headed straight toward the veterinarian. When he gets volunteered to pay for take-out, he’s hardly surprised. Dean laughs before shoving Jackson’s shoulder gently, just giving him a hard time. He’s never been the kind of guy who minds picking up the bill for food, he’s usually someone that offers, but it’s just second nature for him with Jackson at this point. It feels like they’re always picking up the bill or grabbing shit for each other without needing to ask or be paid back. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll do it, just because it’ll be a celebration if you get the dog, or I know I’ll have to console you if you don’t.”

The vet's office isn't too far of a walk, but nothing in this town's farther than ten minutes on foot from city hall. That's the beauty of small town living; having access to everything you could possibly need, only a moment's away. It's one of the reasons why he can never see himself leaving, no matter how many times he's tried to consider it. He loves Star Harbor and all of its eccentric little details almost as much as he loves all the people in it.

It’s been five years, and guilt still eats away at her. It exists, hungry, in the pit of her chest, ready to tear through her at every given opportunity. It doesn’t matter how hard she tries to forget – she can’t. The more she tries to drown the memories, the better she can remember them. The torment of their last night together especially, when their kisses ended in ruination. She hates herself for what she did, and Helena knows she always will. But it’s not enough to keep her away. Not even close.

More often than not, Helena gravitates toward the quiet beach that hid their passionate little trysts. They would kiss and talk for hours together, forgetting the rest of the world to dote on each other instead. Helena hasn’t had anything like it since, and she hates herself for ruining it. She hates herself for going on with her life like nothing happened, like she could ever be happy with Joshua. Her stomach turns to even think of him, but it leaps into sudden panic at the sound of a voice that is far too familiar. Butterflies erupt in her stomach, but they’re in terrified disbelief. “Rowan?” The sound of her voice is almost breathless – she can’t believe she’s really here. “What are you doing here?”

The cool, blank expression on her face belies none of the emotions churning in her stomach or the flurry of thoughts swirling in her head. She weighs the pros and cons of each of her potential responses. If she leaves, Helena wins. Helena takes another piece of something else from her, steals the one place that gives her any sort of peace in this godforsaken town. If she stays, she needs to talk. And if she talks, she may say something that reveals the true depths of her feelings for Helena. It's a lose-lose situation.

“Guess you got me there.” Star Harbor is just about as small as it gets, but some days feel smaller than others. Usually the days in which he’s feeling the most suffocated, but now that he’s got a decent amount of alcohol coursing through his veins, Rafael’s able to think about it a little less. For the most part he’s just thinking about his wife and the earful he’s bound to get the second he gets home.

He can try to avoid it for as long as he can, but he’s got to get back eventually. In the meantime, he shifts his focus back toward the familiar face and gestures in the direction of his home. “Couple blocks that way.” Rafael could use the distraction of company on his walk back, so he wouldn’t mind anyone tagging along. He shoves his phone back in his pocket once he decides that he’ll just head home and hear her out in person rather than over a call. “That the way you’re going?”

Jackson cracks a wider smile, taking advantage of the high he's currently riding. There are some nights when alcohol hits him just right and others when it amplifies all the cracks in his life. The worst days are when he's lost in some blissful fantasy realm when he's not alone, when there's someone in his life, someone to come home to and someone to love. It's a roll of the dice to drink more than he should. He supposes that's what he gets for bad decisions.