A snippet about the DBDA gang in a heatwave (which might eventually make it into something longer), because it's too damn hot today and I needed a distraction:
โHow is your building both freezing cold in winter and hotter than Hell in summer?โ Crystal moaned. โAnd donโt fucking tell me that Hell is actually cold, because if you do, I will end you. Especially as youโre sitting there in a suit. I feel like Iโm melting just looking at you.โ
Edwin closed his mouth. There was no point in reminding Crystal that ghosts did not perceive temperatures; he had learned through sometimes painful experience that she often complained merely to vent her grievances to the world rather than to seek clarification or comfort.
โNever really thought about it,โ Charles said cheerfully. Unlike Edwin, he had made sartorial concessions to the heatwave: he was sporting a pair of shorts in place of his usual trousers, to which Edwin was attributing his inability to focus, along with a shirt emblazoned with a raucous floral pattern, to which Crystal was attributing her recent migraine. โMaybe thatโs why the rentโs so low.โ
โPretty sure this is some kind of workplace health violation,โ Crystal continued, holding up her iced coffee. โThere are, like, no ice cubes left in this and I only got it a few minutes ago. Itโs practically vaporised.โ
โI thought ghosts made places feel cold?โ Niko said from the sofa, where she was fanning herself with a case file. Of the two girls, she seemed to cope marginally better in the heat, but she still looked somewhat wilted, her hair drooping morosely in its two buns. โThatโs what happens in books whenever the characters go somewhere haunted.โ
โThat is an exaggeration that applies only to a very few ghosts,โ Edwin said primly. โMost of us are incapable of meteorological manipulation.โ
โUgh, the one time freaky ghost powers would come in useful and itโs something you canโt do,โ Crystal groused. โTypical.โ
Edwin hesitated, throwing half a glance at Charles.
โWellโฆโ Charles said. โI used to be able to do it, just after I became a ghost. But not on purpose. And it was kind ofโฆa bad thing.โ
Crystal looked from Charles to Edwin and seemed to draw the correct conclusion. Sorry, she mouthed, as Charles waved his hand airily in a โdonโt worry about itโ sort of gesture.
โThat has given me an idea, however,โ Edwin said, keen to move the conversation along. โThough we cannot generate such effects of our own accord, I probably have a spell that could do the trick. Perhaps a wind spell, or an ice spellโฆโ
Both girls had spoken at once, with identical expressions of trepidation. Edwin looked at them in surprise.
โWhyever not? You were only just complaining about the heat. Surely it would help, if I were to perform it in a contained way?โ
โYeah, the key word there is contained,โ Crystal said. โHasnโt exactly been your strong point, recently.โ
Edwin bristled. โWhat do you mean?โ
โEdwin, Charles is wearing shorts.โ
โCharles is wearing shorts, and you keep looking at him wearing shorts โ yes, you do, youโre not subtle โ and I think even a person without psychic powers could tell what youโre thinking about when you do.โ
โSpeaking as one, we totally can,โ Niko added.
Despite spectral immunity to temperature, Edwin felt his ears growing warm. โAnd?โ
โAnd that means youโve been banging, so thereโs gonna be loads of excess spectral energy around, and every time that happens and you try a spell, something ends up exploding.โ
Edwin sometimes regretted encouraging Crystal to weaponise her ample observational skills. โThatโs not true!โ He looked to Charles for support. โIs it?โ
โUm, yeah, love, it kind of is,โ Charles said apologetically. Were there nothing but traitors in his midst today? โRemember last week? You almost set your eyebrows on fire.โ
โThat was an anomaly!โ
โAnd the week before, when there was that thunderstormโฆโ
โAll right, though I would caution you against confusing correlation with causationโฆโ
โAnd that disaster down by the South Bank after we went to see that concert โโ
โStop looking at his knees, we can all see you doing it,โ Crystal shrieked. โSeriously! I appreciate the offer, but I think Iโm just gonna use my parentsโ credit card and get us an AC unit. And Iโm not setting foot in here again until itโs arrived. Cโmon, Niko.โ
Niko made a weak sound of protest. โCanโt get up. Too hot.โ
Crystal turned to help her, holding out a hand. Both girls grimaced when their skin touched.
โUgh, no more contact unless strictly necessary,โ Crystal said, as Niko made a despairing noise. โSorry, babe. Itโs not you. Donโt forget your parasol.โ
Privately, Edwin thought that Crystal was just jealous that he and Charles could maintain physical intimacy in a heatwave without suffering any negative effects, though he knew better than to say so. The girls trooped miserably downstairs, leaving the two of them in the office.
โNever knew you had such a thing for my knees,โ Charles teased. Edwin swatted at him half-heartedly.
โAs you well know, I have a โthingโ for the entirety of you. The knees are just its current manifestation.โ
โAww, I love it when you talk dirty to me. Why donโt you come here and manifest some more?โ
For the second time in five minutes, Edwin flushed.
โYou truly are incorrigible.โ
โYou love it, though.โ
โI love you,โ Edwin corrected him. โEven the parts that are somewhat vexing.โ
โOdd, you donโt look that vexed to me.โ Charles drew him into a soft, lingering kiss, and for a moment Edwin forgot the weather entirely. โCโmon, letโs take off some of those layers and โโ
In the corner, a lightbulb abruptly shattered.
โThat wasnโt me,โ Edwin said automatically.ย
Charles grinned, brushing a shard of glass from Edwinโs hair.
โYou sure about that? Maybe Crystalโs got a point.โ
โOh, donโt you start.โ
โMโjust saying, maybe that correlationโs finallyโฆcausationโฆing.โ
Edwin merely glowered at him, and went off to fetch the dustpan and brush.
