confident nobody looks at tumblr anymore, incl. me

waha / mouth by Hinemoana Baker  Red Doc by Anne Carson  Over The Line: An introduction to poetry comics - Edited by Chrissy Williams and Tom Humberstone  Ariel by Sylvia Plath  Lips Too Chilled by Bashō  Women in Public by Elaine Kahn  The Pulp Vs. The Throne by Carrie Lorig  The Outrun by Amy Liptrot  The Reckoning by Edith Wharton  Ghost Gfs by Ctch Bsnss  Happiness by Jack Underwood  Come Close by Sappho  A GLAZED WINDOW W/FAT BORDERS//[TAUT & DISCOLOURED] by Elena Gomez  Things To Make and Break by May-Lan Tan  I Bite My Nails To Manifest My Existence by Caroline Alice Lopez  Ongoingness: The End of a Diary by Sarah Manguso  Eraser Poems by Laura Theobald  Truisms by Jenny Holzer  Beautiful Out by Nick Sturm  Poetry is not a Project by Dorothea Lasky  Small Poems by Yuko Otomo  Aquarius Rising by Ben Fama Different Streets/Snowflake by Eileen Myles  Hatred of Women by Cassandra Troyan  Activity Book by Kelly Schirmann  Lighthouses by Rachel Hyman  Common Heart by Anne Boyer  Juliet by Sarah Certa  The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson  Boyfriend Mountain by Kelly Schirmann and Tyler Brewington  Loud Idiots by Sarah Jean Alexander  Waves by Lucy K Shaw  The Book of Repulsive Women by Carrie Lorig  Swan Feast by Natalie Eilbert  All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks  The Poems of Lesbia Harford ed. By Drusilla Modjeska and Marjorie Pizer  Miss Brill by Katherine Mansfield  Citizen by Claudia Rankin  Faber New Poets 14 by Crispin Best  Flood Blooms by Caroline Cabrera  A Man Made Entirely of Bats by Patrick Lenton  The Art Of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson  Nostalgia Flower by Jon-Michael Frank  Selfless by Zoe Dzunko  Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde  Hera Lindsay Bird by Hera Lindsay Bird  Knocks by Emily Stewart  Plainwater by Anne Carson  Mysteries of Small Houses by Alice Notley  A Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood  Garments Against Women by Anne Boyer  Girls of the Drift by Nina Powles  A Bestiary by Lily Hoang  The Best Thing Ever by Laura Theobald  We Have Always Lived In The Castle by Shirley Jackson  The Grief Performance by Emily Kendal-Frey  Contemporary Australian Feminist Poetry ed by Jessica L Wilkinson and Bonny Cassidy  Penguin Modern Poets 1: If I’m Scared We Can’t Win by Emily Berry, Anne Carson & Sophie Collins  Envelope Poems by Emily Dickinson  Works & Days by Bernadette Mayer  A Field Guide To Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit  Comfort Food by Ellen Van Neerven  Parang by Omar Musa  Last Sext by Melissa Broder  Even Though I Don’t Miss You by Chelsea Martin And Again I Shall Be Virtuous by Natalie Eilbert  Lunch Poems by Frank O'Hara Float by Anne Carson  A Manual For Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin 

Total: 69

screenshots on my desktop 05/08/16

from poem by joshua jennifer espinoza

from ‘the pulp vs the throne’ by carrie lorig

tweet by chloe caldwell

homer

photo from ‘nox’ by anne carson

from an interview with hera lindsay bird

shiba inu wearing fedora

sad homer

search ‘sux’ on my twitter acct

read my new chapbook out via Ghost City Press

“our feelings were not meant to survive” - audre lorde

there is otherness

a gulf of human meaning

not a casual solitude

two islands that recognise each other but don’t touch anymore

poetry as physically enterable

i think about making a poem as making an object, visually and texturally real

you can lie in writing, not with a drawing, as soon as you put a mark, you’re there, it’s exposed, who you are (i think most people think opposite?)

a pile of pity

in solitude there are these margins and gutters, and out of those come writing

to construct a convincing surface of what life feels like… this capturing of the surface of emotional fact is useful for other people in that it jolts them into thinking, into doing their own act of understanding

there’s this idea of women as being — polluted

i’ve been reading ‘ongoingness: the end of a diary’ by sarah manguso, which is about keeping a journal. it’s made me think a lot about my journal-keeping habits. i’ve kept physical diaries since i was 12 until i was about 22, but i ended up throwing them all out in embarrassment. since then i write my dated entries in a textedit document. lately i’ve been looking at entries i made on the current date but from other years, and what i realised is that i will think and feel the same things forever, which actually was comforting to me. it is also helpful to look back and use things which you didn’t see any merit in at the time. 

13th of March for the last 3 years:

13/3/2014

i am trying to ask things as nicely as possible

it would be easier if things got progressively worse

i am so tired from trying to be so strong all the time

i am calm and resilient. i will say this to myself, i will make it so.

i want new words for all the words i use

like skin, body, water

i want a departure, a return

i want to stay exactly as i am

but to keep going

what is the narrative here

13/3/15

every evening when i go for a walk i think about trying to make space

all i want to feel is the spaces between things

i want to know my own desire

and to be unashamed of it

i am afraid of love swallowing me whole when it is not right

13/3/16

it's like wanting to fall in love when you are already in love

it's like finding a voice you didn't know you had, and that voice saved you

one month of selected notes

1/01/2016

less afraid, more ambitious

frugal, kind, powerful

more forgiving, more ruthless (balance)

relationships to other humans as vital

being resistant to things is good

love can be good

4/01/16

study of a word: dreams

dreamer of dreams

you had a vision

the body is tired

from nothing

to cause to dream

makes you powerful

a dreamy sound

a sobbing sound

do not pine

lie down inside

where you had forgotten your dream

5/1/16

maori warrior's book of dreams:

"I slept because of my sadness, and in my sleep I saw this sign above me: a reddish cloud, and a flock of little birds, and a big bird in the midst of them, flying in the direction of the great cloud. They settle on the cloud with their big friend. I awoke."

11/01

WORDS AREN'T SAD ENOUGH MUSIC ISN'T SAD ENOUGH - barr

18/01

we are all damaged little babes and i love us

it is not like england, it is never so cold as to see your own breath, and i miss my breath tangibly. it is happier here, though there is less atmosphere

19/1

why should women be responsible for male desire? - anne carson

"to feel anything deranges you" - a.c.

21/1

pretty sure i'm not a romantic

but i'm not not a romantic

"a far sea moves in my ear" - s.p.

25/1

i saw a lyrebird foraging in the undergrowth

felt my lungs expand and contract

spiderwebs, bleeding bark

28/1

i watch the birds and it keeps me calm

you move closer to me in the beer garden

my blood grows

1/02

woke up and told you two dreams i had

you say those things both happened last night when i was drunk

hardly ever let myself be impressed by anything

check your reflection in a car window

you are never yourself

i think there is rain coming in on the horizon

"am i full of nothingness? heavily so?" - carrie lorig

"i wrote this out of fear that made me flourish" c.l. (this is how i feel about writing my poems and why it is so important to me)

"i've discovered i'm something to fear" - c.l.

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

Men Explain Things To Me by Rebecca Solnit

My Apologies Accepted by Bunny Rogers

Lion Attack! by Oliver Mol

Heroines by Kate Zambreno

Rome by Dorothea Lasky

Nobody is Ever Missing by Catherine Lacey

Pity The Animal by Chelsea Hodson

Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offill

No Limit by Holly Childs

Can't or Won't by Lydia Davis

Wildlives by Sarah Jean Alexander

The Motion by LK Shaw

I Wanted To Be The Knife by Sara Sutterlin

Zirconia by Chelsea Minnis

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

You Are Not Dead by Wendy Xu

Birds Of America by Lorrie Moore

Between You & Me by Amber Fresh

Letters Home by Sylvia Plath

Ariel by Sylvia Plath

Birthday Letters by Ted Hughes

Bad Bad by Chelsey Minnis

Housekeeping By Marilynne Robinson

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Women by Chloe Caldwell

Lover's Discourse by Roland Barthes

Beauty/Beauty by Rebecca Perry

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Kim Kardashian's Marriage by Sam Riviere

The Door by Margaret Atwood

King Kong Theory by Virginie Despentes

All of the Men I Have Never Loved by Zoe Dzunko

The Thing Around Your Neck by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Legs Get Led Astray by Chloe Caldwell

Blue Horses by Mary Oliver

Some Planet by Jamie Mortara

Green Girl by Kate Zambreno

Welcome To Your New Life With You Being Happy by Rachel Bell

By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept by Elizabeth Smart

Naturalism by Wendy Xu

Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson

Coeur De Lion by Ariana Reines

Uptalk by Kimmy Walters

Bark by Lorrie Moore

Slouching Toward Bethlehem by Joan Didion

Sorrow Arrow by Emily Kendal Frey

The First Bad Man by Miranda July

Yr Various Hairlessnesses by Sara Woods

Baveuse by Sara Sutterlin

It's No Big Deal, I Don't Mind by Rhys Nixon

Magnum Ego by Anna Crews

Lunch Meat Emilia Batchelor

10:04 by Ben Lerner

My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante

curating my desktop 10/12/15

1/11/15

"i perform well my surface for you" - wendy xu, naturalism

3/11

"It is also about how love can change the world for worse, not better." - Emily Gould on 'I Love Dick' by Chris Kraus

4/11

"because the designs of women are as tangled and purposeful as webs" - anne carson

9/11

"a woman has to choose her own particular unhappiness carefully" - lorrie moore

11/11

"we are sort of hidden but sort of not" - l.m. 

the study of a word: hidden

to take refuge

when it was heard that danger threatened, she was carried to a safe place

he knew intimately their secluded places

double up the blanket so that you are warm

he hid behind the pōhutukawa trees

nobody else knew about this place, it was a secret place

to take hold of with the hollow of the hand

i scooped up the albatross plume from the froth of the sea

the lightning reached their bodies

12/11

"she was helpless before the whole emotional project of him" l.m.

"milt had no one. and now he had no one but her. which is like having no one" l.m.

spring when it's meant to be autumn

something when it's meant to be nothing

13/11

"I thought my heart was expired but it was just really really working" - chelsea hodson

study of a word: heart

the hearts of nīkau palms

the valleys between

the heart of a crowd

intervening space

18/11

"we knew that we were all weird, all in this together, and that addressing our own suffering, while learning not to inflict it on others, is part of the work we’re all here to do" - rebecca solnit

23/11

"we have loved nothing, brutally" - lisa robertson

25/11

"i felt myself rising up to the challenge of heartache" - miranda july

30/11