What nourishes me ▹ Destroys me

What the fuck is UP!!! This is me in 2020....

LA trips, tattoos, plants, photo shoots etc. I know how it looks but I’ve been fairly careful. I work FT from home I social distanced for about 4 months straight bruhhh

I got tested for Covid 3 times and I’m negative~

you were a hard one. I’ve been really sad/depressed/lethargic lately and I’ve been thinking about committing suicide again. I won’t do it though after the many attempts in 10 years….… I think I’m past that phase. I just think about it. That’s all.

my anxiety returns

not going to lie, it’s caught me off guard I can’t swallow - there’s a lump in my throat, I over blink to where I’m twitching slightly, I start getting cold sweats + my face turns very hot

Internally: “am I breathing? I think I’m breathing” “oh no I’m embarrassing, I can’t do this” commence the overthinking/over analyzing, completely dying inside by my own thoughts so I become a mute :)

this has happened on more than 1 occasion within 2 months

I start to think of treatment options but if I was able to stop it before, I should be capable now

right?

I don’t sleep through the nights, i feel like my brain is on overdrive