Sirius Orion Black

he didn’t know if he wanted sirius to hug him or not - he was already crying, that was bad enough, if sirius hugged him he might fall completely apart. did he want that? he came closer, and regs could feel his body tense up again, and somewhere deep in his chest he felt the familiar ache that said he needed to breathe, needed to relax, needed to unclench his fists, his jaw, as sirius’ words sank over him all in the same moment. sirius was never scared of anything, and to hear that, to hear that he wasn’t a shitty brother (he was, and he knew it, but he would take it), to be suddenly enveloped in sirius and his arms, and his hold… regulus sank into the hug against all odds. for a brief moment, all the noise in his head stopped. he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t broken, he wasn’t bitter. everything was quiet, and nothing hurt, and he felt his arms tightening around his brother as he managed to return the embrace - and that was about where regulus faded back in, realizing that he and sirius were practically trying to make lemonade out of this hug, and he found himself laughing through the tears that still fell (albeit more slowly now). “i think you’d like my choices, actually,” he said, and it didn’t matter that the words were a little muffled by the crying laughter, or the fact that regs had buried his face n his brother’s neck. “I just.. i don’t..” he shifted, not letting go of sirius, but raising his head so he could speak clearly. “don’t write me off, si. i’m not done…cooking, or whatever, i know i still…there’s a lot i have to figure out, and i get it wrong sometimes but i’m still me, you know? and there’s some things you really need a brother for.. like asking girls out you bastard,”  it’s the sudden example that makes him laugh again, pushing back from sirius to lob a soft (it’s a subjective term) punch to his shoulder. “you massive dick, you’re useless, you know that? i mean, you’re not,” he adds, more seriously (HA)  “i just… brothers, yeah?” the shrug is sheepish, as is the grin and remainders of laughter, but he pulls his brother back for another squeeze before letting go properly and stepping back t bring order back into his look. “i’ve been making a lot of choices lately, and maybe some of them aren’t the best, but one of them was that i wasn’t going to be accepting outside opinions or decisions on who i wanted to be with. obviously, i mean, duh, we know that means syb, but, that applies to you too, you know? on my side is where i’ve always wanted you to be, and now you just have to…. i don’t know, be patient with me while i learn how to be on yours even when it doesn’t line up with everyone else’s maths. if you can be patient that long, i know anything over twenty minutes is hard for you.”

The relief that flooded through Sirius when he felt Reg return his hug almost caused him to break down. If he had been rejected...well, that might have been the thing to make Sirius lose it completely. But he hadn’t been rejected and he clung onto his brother and he didn’t want to let go. Because the naive part of him still believed that if he could just hold onto him then he could protect Regulus from everything. But, that wasn’t possible anymore no matter how much it pained him to admit that. It was a scary world and he couldn’t shield his brother from everything, no matter how much he wished he could. And he needed to come to terms with that. Maybe once he finally did things would be better. For both of them. “Dunno, you managed the girl thing just fine without me around it seems.” He managed to say with a laugh but now that he wasn’t clinging onto Regulus he realised that he had been crying and he quickly rubbed at his eyes. “We are always brother, no matter what happens.” He promised and he had never meant anything more in his life. “And I won’t judge your choices, Reg. No matter what they are. Because...because I know that I made the harder of the two, okay? It would have been easier for me to stay and I could have done what they wanted me too. But...but that didn’t feel right and I just want you to make the choices that make you feel right. And I’ll be on your side completely no matter if they match up to my choices or not. I’m here if you need my help. Cause I get it. I get what the pressure feels like and I’m sorry you have these choices to make cause of me. But whenever you need me, I’ll be there. No matter what.” He just needed Reg to know how much he meant what he was saying. He would go running to his brothers aid at the slightest call for help and he wouldn’t even think twice about it. Ever. He couldn’t just switch off being a big brother, not that he wanted too. But it hurt him to know the stress Regulus must be under, and he felt guilty for putting that on his shoulders. He just hoped that they would be okay from now on so he could try and make it right. “You are such a dick.” He laughed, shaking his head lightly as he shoved his brothers shoulder. “I’m not that bad. You gotta give me like...thirty minutes at least.” He joked and it felt so good to make a joke with by brother again. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed. “I mean, I’ve only dated one person, but she and I went from friends to dating to friends again, so maybe worst case that’s what happens with you and Sibella? If Sibella is as cool as Lily, I mean. I don’t really know her that well.” He reached up and gave Sirius a pat on the shoulder with a smile. “I think you are just freaking out. Just enjoy the now, alright? You and Sib finally kissed, isn’t that enough to celebrate for now?”

“Yeah, finally to everyone else! This is like...two hours old for me.” He said with a bit of a huff. He really needed to calm himself down, especially before getting back to the dorm. “It’s just...I’m not used to good things happening, you know? My life tends to be one bad decision after another and I don’t want tonight to have ended up being a bad decision too.” He got lost in his thoughts for a second before giving himself a shake and looked at Ted with a laugh. “Sorry, that got a bit much. I’m tired and all over the place. I know it’s good. I’m just gonna need a while to really register what’s happened.”

“ it’s less about the marriage and more about –– just him. ”  she shook her head, hoping that sirius doesn’t ask for more detail. she doesn’t want to add her own personal life to the surely growing pile of her cousin’s concerns, let alone be the type of person that needs others to take care of the complicated bits of life on her behalf. cursing the part of herself that holds a nasty inclination to complain, she smiles in a way that she can only hope comes off as nonchalant. 

“ you don’t want to hear about that, anyway. ” andromeda brushes it off, gazing out the window of the corridor as she scrambles for a subject she can steer the conversation towards. “ i’ve heard the house elves down in the kitchens are changing the recipe for the pumpkin pasties. i might have to start a riot, depending on the results. ” nice one. 

Sirius raised his eyebrows and gave Andie a look as if to say ‘I know you’re just trying to change the subject’. But he wasn’t going to force her into talking about something she doesn’t want too. He doesn’t like it when he is on the receiving end of what can feel like an interrogation. So he wouldn’t do that to his cousin. No matter how curious he was. 

“Wow, this might just be the worst thing that’s happened this year.” He nodded as he shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to at least sound like he cared about her new topic of conversation. “I don’t blame you, pumpkin pasties are important. They can’t just go changing them like that. They must be going totally mad in that kitchen.”

            “  polite ?  aye  that’s  one  word  for  it .  don’t  know  if  it’s  one  everyone  would  use  but ,  ”  she  laughed .  “  agree  to  disagree  then ,  ye  obviously  haven’t  seen  how  bad  my  coordination  gets  after  a  few  glasses ,  ”

“It’s the word I would use and that’s all that matters.” He chuckled. “Well, you need to work on that. What use is drinking of you’re just gonna spill it? Total waste.”

She turned back to look at him with a scowl, but her expression softened significantly when he reiterated that this was, in fact, a date. “But I promised the pie was on me,” she argued, though even she had to admit she sounded like she was whining a little. She pouted slightly, but started putting her wallet away. “You’re forcing me to break my promise, you know.” She scooted closer to him, trying her best to sound seductive as she said quietly “So do I need to wait or can I pay you upfront?”

“You promised that to cheer me up. Which you have more than done since so I’ll let you off with it.” He chuckled and when she scooted closer he draped an arm over her shoulders. “Suppose that’s up to you. Though I know what I would prefer.” He teased, a smirk on his face as he looked down at her. Merlin she was beautiful. He has called her that so many times but only recently has he truly noticed. Like a fog had finally been lifted and he could finally see. “I’ll let you decide when, and where, to repay your debts.”

she joined in on the short-lived laugh , welcoming the alleviation it brought . she figured the slytherin table wouldn’t be his favourite spot , especially with all the shameless daggering stares that none of her classmates deigned to conceal . she copied his movements only seconds after , dusting off fictitious crumbs from her robes as she stood up and before she deserted the table glanced sideways at her friends . the gossips and rumours that were already forming in their minds were as clear as a day , but that was battle for another day . “ i’m sorry for that . ” she leaned in , whispering as they began shifting away from the great hall , feeling strange obligation to explain her own house . “ their lives aren’t interesting enough and thus have to poke their nose in others’ . ”

The further Sirius moved from the Slytherin table the more he could relax. He doesn’t know what it is, it is just a table after all, but it made him feel uneasy. Too many what if’s come with that table and he didn’t want to think of them. And he didn’t need to have everyone’s eyes on him while he spoke to Narcissa. Though no doubt they would already be coming up with things on their own to fill their lives with gossip. “It’s fine,” He shrugged. “It’s not like a disgraced heir graces them with their presence every day. I’m just glad I could give them a little excitement to fill their day.” He just wanted to joke it off. Much like he did with everything else in his life. A bad coping mechanism, he knows. “So are we going to tip-toe around the subject or do you want me to go straight to apologising for everything?”

            she  held  her  tongue  and  bowed  her  head ,  focusing  entirely  on  making  tea  rather  than  thinking  of  any  empty  platitudes .  there  was  far  too  much  happening ,  far  too  much  weighing  down  on  all  of  them  for  sybill  to  pretend  she  could  see  hope  in  every  teacup  or  palm .  “  not  really ?  as  long  as  we’re  not  using  teabags  that  is ,  ”  she  looked  up  a  small  smile  on  her  lips  before  looking  back  down ,  poking  the  small  kettle  before  them  with  her  wand .

“Hmm, yeah that makes sense.” He nodded and mirrored her small smile with one of his own. He didn’t want to be annoying but also sitting in silence was not something Sirius was all that good at so he found himself scrambling for conversation while she made the tea. “How do you know what the leaves mean?” 

━☆ﾟ.*·。ﾟSCOFFING, JAMES STUCK his tongue out at his best friend, really not minding that he couldn’t constantly come up with comebacks. “I’m full, and you know my brain doesn’t work when I’m full,” he explained, laughing. Resting his chin in his hands, with his elbows on the table, James racked his brain for any other potential ways to cheer Remus up. “I know. I hate how much he struggles. And I know he knows we’re there for him, that helps a bit,” he explained, sighing softly. It wasn’t fair that one of them had to struggle so much with things in life. “Then let’s do that. Let’s try and make him laugh for most of the day and maybe buy him lunch or something. Let’s remind him that no matter what, he’s part of our lives and we love the hell out of him. It doesn’t matter what he is, he’s still our friend.”

“Sure, if that’s the excuse you wanna go with I won’t judge.” He laughed. But he quickly became serious again whenever the conversation switched back to Remus and he nodded along to what James was saying. “Alright, its a plan then. Operation cheer up Moony will officially be a go. Just need to pick a day.” He said with an air of finality as they settled on their plan. “He better at least appreciate the effort.” He added with a light chuckle. “Now that that’s sorted can we stop being all soppy? It’s still way too early for me to be so lovey-dovey over our friends. He’s not even here to hear it to earn myself some brownie points.”

Sibella rested her elbow on the table, then rested her head on the palm of her hand. She watched him go and blatantly stared at him while he was in line. She wasn’t trying to be rude, but he was just so handsome and now that her feelings were completely (mostly) out in the open, she couldn’t help but let her sappy side out a bit. She then pretended she was fascinated by the menu when he turned back, trying to cover her tracks. She nodded, taking the pitcher from him before saying “Definitely. I could use a little bit of mischief. Been missing it since the astronomy tower.” She smirked before asking “Alright, how much was it?” as she took out her wallet.

“Bloody hell, I really am a bad influence on you.” He teased while reaching out to pour them a drink. Looking over at her question he saw her with her wallet and lightly shook his head. “I think your half came to the amount of about two kisses.” He said casually before he took a sip of butterbeer, having absolutely no intentions of taking money from her. “This is a date, Sib. And I’ve already paid so nothing you can do about it.”

             “  oh  a  few ?  why  how  generous  you  are  sirius .  truly  the  perfect  gentleman ,  ”  she  joked .  “  you  say  wasteful ,  i  say  clumsy ,  ”

“See, despite what people think I am actually very polite.” He laughed. “Nah, I’m gonna stick with wasteful. Though there are far worse things to waste than wine.”

“Definitely better late than never,” she agreed, not even wanting to imagine how depressing it would’ve been if he never reciprocated at least a bit of her feelings. She couldn’t imagine ever getting over him. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before lightly pushing him away. “Good idea, I’m famished.”

Rolling his eyes Sirius got up with a smile and made his way over to the bar. It took him a few minutes to get noticed seeing as it was busy but soon enough he had ordered their food, and a pitcher of butterbeer, and paid before heading back. He weaved his way through tables carrying the drink and two classes before finally sitting back down with a slight huff. “Next time we are sneaking out and coming when it’s less busy.”

“It’s.. you haven’t been an idiot,” she tried to assure him. “You just… you didn’t see me the same way, that’s all.” She intentionally avoided answering how long she’d been head over heels, since that would’ve been way more embarrassing for her than for him, no matter what her answer was. She blushed at both his words and her thoughts before shrugging. “I’ll decide on a case by case basis,” she smirked, reaching down to take his hand; something she had done hundreds of times before, but everything was different now.

Sirius wanted to know how long Sib had been feeling this way for. But, he also didn’t want to push her for that information. Mostly because he didn’t want her to feel bad. And he didn’t want to feel bad for being so oblivious for so long. “I see you now. Might be a bit late but...better late than never.” He teased, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Right, I’d best go order us some food before I starve to death.”

Ted’s smile faded, tilting his head as Sirius continued. “I… I mean, it’s none of my business, but I don’t think that’ll happen?” he offered. “Just… you guys have been friends forever, right? So you probably know everything about each other. If she likes you now, then… what could happen that would change that?”

“Yeah but there’s a difference between being friends and more than friends. I guess I’m just freaking out a little.” He said, sighing for a second. “I’m sure I could do something to put her off at some point.” He joked. “But you are right, I already know everything about her and I don’t think she could ever do anything to put me off...so hopefully she’s the same.”

            “  why  do  a  get  a  feeling  you’ll  be  pointing  out  my  every  bad  hair  day  from  now  on ?  ”  she  made  a  show  of  sighing  but  there  was  a  smile  on  her  face  the  entire  while .  “  well  they’d  get  some  interesting  tangents  out  of  it  to  say  the  least .  a  was  meaning  more  along  the  lines  of  wine  soaked  parchment  though ,  ”

“I would never be that rude! I’ll let a few slip past my notice.” He grinned. “Ah well, if someone is wasteful enough as to spill wine over their parchments then they deserve to fail.”

“Just, well…” she giggled before saying “Apparently, Octavia knew before we did, and she heard it from Slughorn.” She then scoffed jokingly, shaking her head. “Punching you in the arm is like half of my personality, am I supposed to stop?” She then had a realization. “You know, the light ones when you were being sweet were probably my way of trying to tell you without actually telling you… if that makes sense.” She chuckled nervously, shaking her head before she smirked, trying to sound flirty as she said “Or maybe I should just replace them with this,” leaning in to kiss him again.

“Wait...what?” He didn’t know if he should laugh or not. Though the idea of Professors gossiping about their students was a rather funny one. “Of course you aren’t supposed to stop.” He chuckled before what she said registered to him. “But...you’ve been doing that for years. I thought that was you not liking compliments...how long exactly have I been an idiot for?” He said but the second she kissed him he stopped worrying about it and smiled instead. “As cute as your little punches are if you want to start swapping them for kisses I will not complain.”

            “  mmhmm ?  ”  mary  nodded  as  she  laughed .  “  don’t  listen  to  them  sirius ,  i  think  you’re  really  good  liar ,  ”  she  teased .  “  fun  to  write ,  can’t  imagine  they’d  be  fun  to  mark .  especially  if  something  goes  wrong ,  ”

“Sorry.” He chuckled. “I’ll try and keep a closer eye on your hair next time so I’ll actually notice. But I think it would be fun. I mean they need to read the same thing over and over again. Must get boring. A drunken paper or two would bring them some much-needed variety in their marking lives.”