grungetastic

I had an idea to write down the conversations I have with you in my head. It’s funny, that’s where you started, and probably will reside forever. I can’t help but feel you were my best one. I won’t let anyone that close again. I can’t help but to feel this way. I can’t help but feel like I was not good enough for you. Isn’t it fucked up to poorly place a joke with fucked up context, and then decide THAT’S the reason I’m not good enough? You told me to come get the car, and to fuck off, then you act like you have PTSD about me taking the car from you, when I have PTSD from you saying something like that and thinking it was funny. I left you the car, in my name too, just for you. Don’t you think just telling me you never loved me would hurt less? Sometimes I think all I need from you is to tell me one more time that you will never be mine again, and I’d fuck off, but that isn’t very easy to get straight out of you, and I don’t even know if I can let go. Without letting go of everything else, I don’t know how to let go of you. We both know there is a very easy solution to this, and I also don’t know how long I can ignore that. Honestly after this tattoo, what am I living towards? Being sober for who? Myself? That truly will never be fully enough for me. I was broken long ago.

I can’t believe you let me fall for you so hard, I was hesitant, you told me it will be okay, and now you left me on the shelf to rot. I fucking want a xanax.

STUDIO GHIBLI + FLOWERS