Well, well, well.

This move is right for you, we both know that. I support you 100% and I’m sorry if it seemed pushy before but I’ve known you needed to leave this place for a long time. Right here, right now I’m not ready to leave with you. But I will be, and I want to be. I want you Rich, and I need to get out of my bubble I need to realise that life can’t be what I’ve always hoped and dreamed. I’m scared because since we’ve been together, we haven’t been apart for more than two weeks. And most of the time, that was too long. I don’t want to fight with you and I’m stressing because I’m a bitch 90% of the time and now is completely Not the time. I’m freaking out because I don’t know how to be okay. I’m happy because this could be the start for us. I’m afraid because it might be really hard. But I’m ready for it, because at the end of the day when I’m in your arms I know this isn’t the end for us. All I know for sure is what I feel for you is more than love. What I feel when you walk in the room or when I hear your voice. It makes my day. The drugs, that’s your deal. If you ever express to me that you feel you have an issue. I’m here. But I want you to know that I have never once judged you for that. Ever. I have an issue with acessive drinking more than I do with dope. I just don’t want it around me. Because that keeps me safe. I don’t get high all that often anymore. I haven’t bought bud in a long time. And Molly, I’m over it. Blow on the other hand.. that’s my problem. But I don’t do it. For as much as it crosses my mind. I don’t. And I don’t know why but I want you to be proud of that.. proud maybe isn’t the best word. I’m not saying I want my life to be on the straight and narrow. I just dont want raids and jail to ever be a possibility for us. I love that I grew up clueless to what actually goes on in the real world. But I hate that I feel so alone. I find it hard to realate to people. But not you, you don’t make me feel stupid. You help me along and give me advice because I simply Need it. I’m growing up, I’m figuring it out. I’m just going to miss you baby, more than I ever have. I’m terrible with goodbyes. In all honesty I’ll do whatever I can to avoid them. It sounds so permanent. I can’t stop thinking about what it’s going to be like to kiss you goodbye. It’s killing me. There’s no need to stress about it, but I just can’t shake the thought. I’m not upset, I’m not really hurt. I just know it’s gonna feel like the floor is falling out from underneath me, and it’s bringing me down. I don’t mean to be sad about it. I’m happy for you. I hope you find everything your looking for I truly do. It’s just not about me.. and I need to figure out how to grasp that. I’m working on it. I just have to figure out how to stop backpedaling.

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What you see in your moments before death, when you evaluate who you are and who you have been. You decide if you walk through those pearly gates or you burn in the fiery depths of your sorrow. I will walk through those gates with my love in hand. You know my past, you bring out the best in the present, and you give me hope for the future.