Just Another Chubby Boi

I went into this year Scared, But once it hit January 1 I smacked my cheeks and Promised myself I would stick to my Resolution.

"to Stay Positive!" Don't let the hardships that may come get to you, just Keep your chin up and keep Walking, and I am Stronger then I know. Last year I felt a Decline in my own Spirit and Morale, Shutting myself down Whenever I could, Almost like I was expecting Joy to fall into my lap by itself, and that attitude hurt my Reputation with some of the Online friends I made, even Resulted in shit going dark cause I adopted a Defeatist mindset, Especially around the End of the year. I was going into the new Year and I needed to Scream at myself, to Scold myself, to Make my eyes open that I was Not what I thought I was.

In truth, I am smart, I am strong, I am Not a Fuckup, not a Failure, not a disappointment who makes things Awkward and unfun with just my presence, I needed a much needed Reflection on how I was thinking, and what "staying Positive meant." just Keep a smile and only look at the positives, whatever negatives appeared had a solution to make it better, to take that weight of my chest.

I managed to go through this Method and.......I felt better, I put Deep thought in what I wanted to do, Open up, try to Make friends, Maybe make some Kind of amends with others even if it was as easy as a Behavior fix.

I promised myself that I would better myself as an Artist, and while my hope of busting out Art hundreds would love, I didn't go as hard as I wished I did. but I know I'm still growing, Developing. but I can tell that I'm getting better and better with each one, Admiring my friends/Idols craft in ways to better my ability

And it was fun, it will Continue to be fun.

but I'd be lying if the dread of this year didn't always try to shove itself in my face even when I tried to push it away, in the end it caught up in a way None of us, me especially were ready for.

October 30th 2021 My Father, the one who Raised me, who helped me be who I am now, had passed away, gone too soon.

and the one who did it was none other then Delta Covid-19, Neither of us knew how he got it, and I caught it too, we tried to ride it out with home Medicines but....he Waited too long and he had to be on the Vent for half of the year, eventually to Intubation/Ventilation. We all held on to Hope that he'd pull through, we were planning on making the house a Wonderful place to come back to, me and the family were going to turn the Garage into the workout Center.

but I guess there were more complications with his condition then even I knew, and while I denied the worst case scenario, It was set in stone, the Day he was showed mercy, of course, it fucking hurt hard, it felt like a knife was just plunged into my Heart and it would never be taken out, but despite that I thought "I know my father, what he wants for me, and the day before he was put into his Intubation coma he told me Everything I needed to hear, That he doesn't want me to suffer, He was proud of me staying positive, and he never wanted me to Break like glass, but to Look on forward, to Press forward, and Fulfill what he wanted me to fulfll, to Excel, Adapt, Overcome and keep on trucking, to become an Artist everyone will look up to, to make my Mark on the world of art, in my own way. and the very last thing he said to me

"I love u son" and with his last words he Reassured me, I felt bad that I didn't fill the expectations that I set for myself and he was hoping for, but I will see them to the end no matter how long it may take to reach the top of that tower. After that day, from now, and Most likely through this year. I feel so....Cracked, Broken but sturdy, I don't know where I will go or how I'm going to be changed by his passing, but I know he's still here, and I got giant shoes to fill, and I would make him proud, I'll make him smile in heaven with his mother.

but I am going into this new year with the same Resolution, to Try my best to Excel, to fill the Gap that is now gone with Everything i love around me, to Define myself and Carve into stone "I AM A MAN, I AM READY TO TACKLE LIFE, AND TO FUCK SHIT UP!" I just need to set my goals, Reach them one step at a time

and continue to stay positive, it will be much harder I'm sure, with how i'm feeling (like when I was typing this) but It's something i am Capable enough to do. I am capable, I am Strong, I can Survive, and adapt.

And from my heart, Thank you, Everyone who has been following me, Supporting me, I'm sorry i left you all in the dark but I didn't want Everyone here to know my struggles when You have all been such a ray of light for me, and to all my friends, It meant the whole world to me that I still had you, Even if I'm dead silent or not amazing with keeping Conversation day by day. but to know that I am Loved and welcome, it helped me so much, and It Continues to make me feel better

thank you all for Helping me, even if you think you didn't do anything. and cheers to a better year ahead, I know everyone has their own resolutions and Goals and I know for a FACT you can reach them, even if it's a slow growth, a Tree takes years to grow anyway.

"learn, grow, Adapt, Overcome, Become a fucking Boss!"

(and I'm so glad you're all enjoying the Collaboration Story i'm doing with occasionallucario, who is a Ray of Light let me say, And I hope that afterwards you will all love what I have in store for the Guardian of the Evergreen, and whatever Creations I unveil through the year.